By Mike Jacquart

What is dyscalculia, and why is it an overlooked mental health challenge?
“Dyscalculia is a term used to describe specific learning disabilities that affect a child’s ability to understand, learn, and perform math and number-based operations,” according to the Child Mind Institute. “It’s estimated that between 5 and 7 percent of elementary-age children may have dyscalculia. As well as dyscalculia, disorders like dyslexia, visual or auditory processing, ADHD, and others can also impact a child’s ability to accurately complete math problems.” I should point out these challenges can affect both youth and adults.

I first learned about dyscalculia from Marina London, a licensed clinical social worker who served as editorial consultant for my book Climbing Out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness.
In it, I described the good grades I got in college – with the exception of algebra. I wrote, “Why did I have so much trouble ‘connecting the dots’ in math?” mentioning that my sister also struggled with this subject when she was in school.

I had three tutors and I know I tried their patience just to earn a passing grade in College Algebra 101. They were perplexed at my inability to understand their instructions. “Don’t you get that, Mike?” they’d ask. I’d shake my head and say, “No. I’m sorry, I don’t.”

Math involves progressing from one step to the next, and when you don’t understand how the different steps work to arrive at an answer, it’s like being stuck in mud. This trying experience in my early twenties was like revisiting the horrors of my middle school days when I failed the subject and my math teacher told me I should not pursue this subject in high school. My difficulties in algebra affected my shaky self-esteem since it was a required course for obtaining a bachelor’s degree. I wondered if I needed to abandon this pursuit.”

But I was able to conquer my fears. I recalled how overjoyed I was when my hard work and patient tutors paid off and I earned a C in algebra. I was prouder of that C than many of the As and Bs I received in college!

Later, as an older adult, the specific issue was no longer algebra, but I still had a hard time completing math problems that were easy for many of my peers. I wondered why I still struggled so much in this area. Marina had a possible answer, which I believe was the correct one.

“It sounds like you and your sister may have both had a learning difficulty/disability such as dyscalculia and you may also have had a touch of a visual spatial processing issue. Impossible to know without specialized testing, she wrote.

“Baby Boomers did not receive much help with these problems whereas a child with these issues today would be referred for an educational assessment and special ed services if needed,” Marina added.
Sadly, this was all too true. A harsh statement from a teacher like, “You’re not trying hard enough” was the predominant thinking when I grew up in the 1960s and 1970s. A poor grade sometimes meant staying in for recess, even though the teacher usually left you to figure out math problems on your own. “How was I supposed to correct my work when I got it wrong the first time?” I wrote in my book.
If I struggled that much in math, and may have had an undiagnosed learning disability, perhaps this post can help a child or adult who be facing some of these same issues. The reader can learn more about dyscalculia at https://childmind.org/article/how-to-spot-dyscalculia/

Like math, driving also involves understanding how to get from one step (starting at one location) to the next. This is sometimes referred to as someone having “a poor sense of direction.” I wondered if the two could be related? After doing some research, it turns out that dyscalculia can pose problems in areas other than math.

Driving a car may seem simple, but it involves a lot of cognitive processes, A person with dyscalculia may have difficulty concentrating and be easily distracted. There may be issues with sequencing, making it difficult to put information in the right order. The person may struggle to understand and read signs. There may also be problems with visual memory. Perhaps that explains why I have difficulty remembering how to drive from one given point to another unless I’ve driven the same route many times. I may still forget the route if I have not driven it in a while.

Since each of these areas is important in safely driving a vehicle, it is easy to see how someone with a neurological disorder like dyscalculia would have a much more difficult time driving than a non-affected driver. I even read that some people suffering from this affliction will try to avoid driving completely. But this is nearly impossible in rural areas like where I live that lack public transportation.

Driving requires so much concentration that I will find any excuse possible to avoid a road trip longer than 100 miles. Who wants to admit this reluctance to a male friend when we are supposedly the gender that are the better drivers. I even have friends who can safely drive over 500 miles and without a break!
And yet, when I was in my early twenties, I thought that I was destined to live and work in a large city. With problems like the ones I spoke of, I am grateful God had other plans for my life! I live happily with my wife in a village of just over 1,000, and I seldom have to drive to (or in) a city larger than 70,000. Even then, I’m probably with another person who can spell me at the wheel. When longer trips are unavoidable, thank goodness for airplanes!

In addition, in this disturbing day and age, I am grateful that I live in a quiet, peaceful community free from the traffic, noise, and other distractions I’d have in a large city.

Driving can still prove difficult, but God is always there for guidance. Proverbs 3: 5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. And lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and He shall direct your paths.”

Here is an example. Journalists are often asked to cover fires, automobile accidents, and other mishaps. As a result, in my first reporting job out of college, I knew I needed to become familiar with the local roads. I jumped in my car on a fall afternoon. I didn’t mind not knowing where I was driving at first, but when it started getting dark and I couldn’t remember how to get back to town, I was scared and said a quick prayer. Within minutes, I saw a sign for one of the few highways I was familiar with. I knew how to get back! I sighed and took a deep breath.

And yet, over time I’ve learned to take heart in my shortcomings. Romans 5:3-4a states. “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us – they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us.”

Indeed they do. In summary, while depression, anxiety and even a potentially undiagnosed disorder like dyscalculia can prove difficult, as I am thankful for where I live and what I’ve learned in overcoming challenges.

No one reading this post should consider any of the information presented as a substitute for professional advice or consultation. Diagnosis of a behavioral disorder requires a thorough assessment, one that only a licensed specialized professional is qualified to make.

Mike Jacquart is the author of “Climbing Out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness,” available online at https://www.amazon.com/Climbing-out-Darkness-Personal-Wellness/dp/B0BQ58KJH4. He dedicates this post to his late Fresh Hope cofacilitator, Mike Gutho. A retired magazine editor, Mike enjoys sharing his story of “pushing through” on blog posts, podcasts, and other presentations. For more information, contact him at michaeljacquart8@gmail.com.

by Peggy Rice, Hope Coach Trainer for Fresh Hope

I lay face-down on the massage table, and settle my head into the round pad. I feel the tears come, as if the change in my position brings them forward; I try to squeeze them back. This massage is only ½ hour long – I don’t have time to deal with all of these emotions coming to the surface.

The massage is #5 of 6 – ½ hour each to help relieve the spasm and tension that has been my left shoulder-blade’s constant companion for months. Weeks of physical therapy brought no relief. Nor did dry-needling nor trigger point injections. Chiropractic is already a regular part of my routine, but it’s not going to do anything to fix the damage to my cervical vertebrae – stenosis, arthritis, degenerative disc disease. That’s one cause for the tears – the pain, and the realization that pain management is all I can do.

A second cause for tears? Saying good-bye to my son after his visit over the holiday weekend. I love him (and his sister) so much, but he lives in IL, while I’m in CO. We just don’t get to see him often enough! Will I ever not cry when saying good-bye to family?

Third reason for tears – recalling two years ago today, when my daughter and son-in-law got married. (Happy anniversary!) The memories are beautiful – the day was beautiful – the bride was beautiful! Such a special celebration, and I wish we lived closer to them so that we could reminisce in person, and go through the photo albums together. But again, they live across the country, and visits just aren’t as frequent as I’d like.

More thoughts that bring tears: my aging parents, and living far from them, and from my sister and her family; the possibility of rehoming our cats; the frustration at not knowing the summer’s details; the reduction in medication that I’ve been on for 14 years. Given that last one, of course I’m sad! The psych nurse said to give myself a full two weeks on the new dose before I decide if I should even be coming off the med. I’ve been on it for so long, it’s going to take a while for my body to adjust to the new levels. Gotta cut myself some slack – it’s only been 5 days.

So, as I lay here, and I fight the tears, and the memories, and the feeling-sorry-for-myself, I cry out to God. “Please, Lord, don’t let me cry in front of my massage therapist! Help me replace these sad thoughts.” And immediately, the word GRATITUTDE comes to mind.

“Yes, Lord.” And I begin to count my blessings. Face down on the table, waiting for her to come in. The result is peace, and joy, and thanksgiving.

I’m thankful for my family. I’m thankful for financial resources. I’m thankful for the brief relief I’ll feel as the therapist digs into the knots in my back and stretches my neck. I’m thankful for my home. For my new exercise routine. For finding new friends. For the opportunity to serve in ministry. Before I know it, the tears are gone, and my heart is full.

And then I remember what I often share in our Fresh Hope Support Group: the brain can’t hold gratitude thoughts and depression thoughts at the same time. Our brains can only concentrate on one thought in any given moment. So when I focused on grateful thoughts, those seemed to override the sad thoughts that were swirling though my brain.

A little Google search reveals that there are contradictory viewpoints on this – maybe we can have two thoughts at once. But I would argue that one thought is going to rise above the other(s) and be more prominent. Hence, only one thought at a time. So, gratitude can override sadness, if only for a moment.

Philippians 4:8 NIV says, “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

Isaiah 26:3, NIV: “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” 

Want to know what to think about? Think about God! About who He is, His character, His attributes. Think about Jesus, and the love He showed to all those He encountered while He was here on earth. Think about Jesus’ gift of salvation: His death, burial, and resurrection, so that we can be restored into a right relationship with God. Think about the Holy Spirit – the Spirit of the Risen Christ (Romans 8:11) – living in us as Jesus’ followers, a gift sent to us directly from God, to help us as we journey this earth.

The same process holds true for anxious thoughts. They can be replaced with thankful ones, and while you’re thinking about blessings and expressing gratitude, the anxiety will momentarily step aside. Keep practicing, and keep the anxious thoughts away!

This is hard, though. I won’t pretend otherwise. Again, as I sometimes describe it in our Fresh Hope Support Group, the negative thoughts (sad, or anxious ones) form a kind of groove in our brains. Like a well-worn path. And, like a tire on a Conestoga wagon, our thoughts want to drop right into that rut of thinking. It’s easy, to fall into that old pattern. It takes effort – real conscious energy – to try to step out of that groove and start forming a new path. It takes practice, and repetition. And time.

I attest to the fact that the habit of practicing gratitude works. And the more I do it, the more quickly it is effective.

I encourage you…give it a try. The next time you realize that you’re thinking anxious or depressive thoughts – when you catch yourself – ask God to help you think of things to thank Him for. He will. He helps us do what He asks us to do. So when His Word tells us, like above, to think on Him and on good things, He’ll help us do that!

Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for over 6 years and as the Hope Coach Trainer for over 4 years. She can be reached at peggy@freshhope.us.

By Mike Jacquart

“The past is your teacher. The present is your opportunity. The future is your reward.”

Because it is such a true statement, I thought this quote by Canadian author Matashona Dhliwayo made a perfect lead-in for this topic.

In Fresh Hope: Living well in Spite of a Mental Health Diagnosis, Roy Lessin states on page 13: “But God has promised to restore the things the enemy has stolen from our lives:…”

Indeed. As I’ve read and re-read Lessin’s insightful “God is a Restorer,” I have pondered the occasions when I felt defeated in life and in my career, all the disappointments, and the good things I missed when I was wallowing in self-pity or suffering from a lack of self-esteem.

While I was not diagnosed with a mental health diagnosis until I was unemployed in my early 40s, depression and anxiety have reared their ugly heads for most of my life. When you’re a boy and not good with your hands, not coordinated enough to help fix a car, throw a football very well, or hit a baseball (at all)  my school-age years were extremely hurtful. With a low self-image, I had few friends, and much of the time I was lonely, sad, and with little direction as to what I could do well.  There were no aptitude tests in those days. Life was trial and error, and I mostly failed.

When I read Mr. Lessin’s “all the years of lost joy, all the times of frustration and defeat, all the moments of regret” – wow, I thought. I can sure relate! The occasional regrets about the girls I never asked out, the joy I lost over my poor social life as I never went to school dances. I also recalled the frustration and defeat over my lack of motor skills, which left me on the sideline when classmates were picking sports teams, or teasing me when I couldn’t climb a rope in gym or build a tabletop wagon in woodworking class.

After high school, and as I also wrote about in my book, Climbing Out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness, things got even worse. I had no ambition and little idea what I wanted to do in life. Completely unmotivated or passionate about anything, it was no big surprise that I was frequently out of work. Finally, with the local economy in the toilet, and inspired by the smart friends I met late in my high school years and who were doing well in college, I finally enrolled in the area community college at age 23. This proved to be the first of many steps on the road to an improved mental state. I got good grades, met new friends, and I found out I was a good writer, which was often a prequisite for college success regardless of the major one chose. I had some self-esteem at last! Later on, not aware of my undiagnosed mental health challenges, I had a lot of work problems, but I thought they were mostly just about being in the wrong job, As I said, it was many years before I sought psychiatric help.

Even today, those of us who have been diagnosed and sought help, understand we cannot do anything about some of the pain and regrets in our past. But much more importantly, Fresh Hope members believe that God will restore the things stolen from our lives. Here are just a few of the examples I could name, some of which appear in my book.

I know that my mental state and thought life are clearly better than they were in the past. I worked as a newspaper reporter for ten years, and even then, I found meeting and talking to new people difficult. I did not understand at the time that feelings of isolation and problems forming relationships are common traits of depression. Today, as the more self-confident and positive person I had longed to be back then, I can yak like a magpie in public and chat with just about anybody.

Further, advancing from reporting to editing later on proved difficult, which hurt my already shaky self-confidence and left me wondering if I should give it up and stick to writing. I was even told as much in some poor work reviews. As the ultimate restorer, God had a better plan. As it usually unfolds when God is the teacher, it takes time and patience, but I learned years later that the Almighty was at work. In 2010, ten years after being told I wasn’t good at editing, I became the editor of a magazine for an international employee assistance association. After getting past the initial jitters one has in any new endeavor, I developed positive work relationships and became friends and acquaintances with people from around the world. I even traveled to the association’s conferences in major cities in the US such as Denver, San Diego, and others! It was another BIG boost in self-esteem!

Not every second chance needs to involve something big. While in college, I had an internship at a local TV station. I was never on the air, but that was ideal because I would have been terrified to be in front of a camera. In much more recent times, I had the opportunity to chat about my published books on podcasts and local TV shows. I was not even nervous, let alone scared! I wonder how many other positive opportunities that myself – and others with a diagnosis of depression or other mental health challenge – have missed out on because it was easier to crawl into a shell than to be talkative and engaging.

But even more important than my professional life was God’s role in redeeming and restoring my unhappy and lonely personal life, especially the years of lost joy when I was single and living in an apartment.  As I explained in my book, with no social media, Internet or smart phones in those days, my personal “life” was about as interesting as watching wet paint dry on a wall. I was so lonely I’d often cry myself to sleep. And yet, four years later, while out of work (again), I was invited to a Halloween party where I met the young woman who would become my wife! In probably the best example of God’s restoration in my life, the roughly thirty years of lost joy when I was terribly lonely have been replaced by more than thirty years of happiness with my wife! 

While looking back to appreciate how far we’ve come can be very positive, focusing too much on the past is not a good thing either. As Pastor Brad Hoefs states, “Every day that you’re ‘stuck’ in grief and remorse, you are missing one day of living.” And so, learn from your past, take advantage of the opportunities you have today, and recognize that tomorrow will be God’s reward for following His purpose for your life. 

God is a Restorer  “God’s purpose is not to destroy us but to restore us. The enemy is the destroyer, but God has promised to restore the things the enemy has stolen from our lives: all the years of lost joy, all the times of frustration and defeat, all the moments of regret, all the pains of lost opportunities, all the hurts of broken relationships. God is building His kingdom with you – a kingdom of joy, love, peace, righteousness, victory, redemption, and right relationships.” – Roy Lessin  

“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten – the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm – my great arm that I sent among you. You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, Who has worked wonders for you. ..”

Joel 2:25-26

Mike Jacquart is the author of “Climbing Out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness,” available online at https://www.amazon.com/Climbing-out-Darkness-Personal-Wellness/dp/B0BQ58KJH4 He dedicates this post to his late Fresh Hope co-facilitator, Mike Gutho. A retired magazine editor, Mike enjoys sharing his story of “pushing through” on blog posts, podcasts, and other presentations. For more information, contact him at michaeljacquart8@gmail.com.

by Peggy Rice

The ministry of Fresh Hope for Mental Health is based on 7 Recovery Principles (originally called Tenets). When we read them in our Support Group, the first paragraph is for those who have a diagnosis, the second paragraph is for the loved ones, and we all read the third paragraph and Bible verse, out loud. Here’s Number 7:

TENET VII

At times, my mental health challenge has caused me to focus only on myself and my needs, leading me to believe the lie that I don’t have much to offer to others. Therefore, because focusing on others will help me grow, I choose to give back, sharing my story with others, that my past pain might provide insights for someone else’s journey to living well.

I, too, have become focused on my loved one’s situation and how it has affected me. I can easily become so consumed by our issues that I fail to see those around me who would benefit from what I’ve learned. Therefore, I choose to give back by seeking opportunities to help others by sharing my insights and experiences.

Together we recognize that sharing helps both us and others heal. Sharing helps us find our voice and becomes empowering as we see our pain redeemed by the Lord. As we share, it helps reaffirm our own hope while also giving hope away to others.

“(The Lord) helps us in all our troubles, so that we are able to help others who have all kinds of troubles, using the same help that we ourselves have received from God.” — 2 Corinthians 1:4 (Good News Translation)

This is the last of the Recovery Principles, and maybe that’s because it’s kind of like a final step.

Now don’t get me wrong – these Tenets are not designed as stepping stones. It’s not the same format as, say AA, where you complete Step One, then move on to Step Two, complete it and move to Step Three, etc. No, these are all different understandings about living with a mental health challenge – either personally, or loving someone who does – and Fresh Hope encourages us to work on one, or several, or all of them, in our journey to living a healthy life while walking the mental health path.

But to me, there’s something special about Tenet 7. It’s almost as if a person on a mental health journey needs to be far enough down the path to even realize that there are others in the world! Let me explain.

When I went through my 10+ years’ journey with severe depression and anxiety, there were times when I was unaware that my behaviors, moods, thoughts and actions were affecting others. Some call it “navel-gazing,” or selfish, and I supposed it is. Maybe living with a mental health challenge, particularly in its darkest times, is by nature self-focused. I mean, just dealing with the lack of desire to get out of bed, let alone engage with people in the workplace, was exhausting, and sometimes impossible. This is true for anxiety, too. When my brain was spinning with fear and worry and stress, it was very hard to see anyone around me, because I was so lost in my own thoughts.

But:

As I began to get better, and began to lift my head and look around and see the people in my life, I realized that there was more to this mental health journey than just me.

And:

I remembered that, in some of my darkest days, I had begged God to not waste my experience. That somehow, some way, He would use my mental health struggles for my good and His glory.

Then:

God brought me to Fresh Hope, where I found a place that I could live my honest mental health journey, and it was a safe place to share my story. No one judged me – they actually understood, because they had lived a mental health challenge themselves. I was able to open up, find comfort and encouragement. I became braver, sharing more, offering insights from my own experience with others who were going through tough times. Not as advice, but as my own story: “When I went through something similar, this is what I did.” And others did the same for me. So together we grew and learned and were affirmed.

That’s what I mean when I say it’s like a final step. In the depths of my own depression and anxiety, I was too self-consumed to see others around me who were hurting, or needed encouragement. I probably wasn’t able to live out Tenet 7. I wasn’t well enough.

But neither did I have to be completely well to begin to practice Tenet 7. Just well enough to be able to see others in my life.

There are many verses in God’s Word that deal with this idea of giving back. Of course, the verse right under Tenet VII above, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

But other verses talk about how we, as members of the Body of Christ, can help each other. (italics mine)

Matthew 10:8 – “Freely you have received; freely give.”

Galatians 6:2 – “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

Romans 15:1-2 – “We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up.”

Colossians 3:13 – “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

I Thessalonians 5:11a – “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up…”

Hebrews 10:24-25 – “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

Hebrews 3:13a – “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘Today’…”

Romans 15:4-5 – “For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had…”

Ephesians 4:29 – “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Proverbs 12:25 – “Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.”

I know personally, I have grown and healed in my mental health journey, as I have shared my story and served others in the world of mental health. I’ve had opportunities through Fresh Hope, but there are so many ways to give back.

I recently learned of an old friend who started an organization called The Little Heart Project – they crochet small hearts and attach hopeful and encouraging messages and leave them all over the world (!), as a way to prevent suicide, “one crocheted heart at a time.” I have another friend who teaches other women about who God says we are in Him, among other topics (does anyone else journal?), at various women’s events. My dearest friend is always making meals for someone – either in her church, or someone she met at the gym – just whoever has a need.

What if you’re not ready to talk to people yet? Well, what about walking dogs at the local animal shelter? Or volunteering for a shift at the local food bank, just taking supplies off the truck and organizing them for the pantries?

What can YOU do, to give back, even in the current mental health place you are in – right now? Do you trust that God will lead you to more ways to reach out, eventually to share your story, as you are able? Ask Him. He’ll lead you, as He equips you.

Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for over 6 years and as the Hope Coach Trainer for over 4 years. She can be reached at peggy@freshhope.us.

By Peggy Rice

I’ve just zipped up my suitcase; our flight leaves tomorrow afternoon.

I’ve spent the last several days throwing things I might want to take on the bed in the spare bedroom. Today, I did the laundry, so I’d have all my clothes to choose from. We’ve traveled enough that I have a pretty thorough packing list, but I still have to go through the list and choose…my list is different if I’m traveling to the Midwest for Christmas versus if we’re headed to the warm sandy beaches of the Sunshine State!

It made me think of my mental health journey, and the things I took along the way. My trip was long – over ten years of repeated episodes of major depression and its companion, anxiety. Some things I started my journey with, some things were added as I traveled along the mental health path, and some things got discarded when they became unnecessary.

I started my mental health crisis with fear and overwhelming sadness.

I was afraid of the future, of what my life would become when my children were heading to college, and I was left with an empty nest. In many ways, I pre-grieved. My oldest was just entering high school, and my youngest middle school, and I was already dreading the days when I would say good-bye to them in the college dorm parking lot! That was the fear – the anxiety: looking ahead and anticipating the worst-case scenarios, mulling them over and over.

The sadness came from depression – from looking back, and dwelling there. I’d moved back to a town we’d lived in 3 years prior, and it felt like everything was different. My church, my friends, my neighborhood (of course). I changed medical plans and had a new doctor. My dentist had retired, so I had to find a new one. The only thing that was the same was my hair stylist, but even there, it was different – she had started her own business, so the location and coworkers were different. I grieved the old relationships, the old ways, old patterns. It took me a long time to accept and move forward.

Along my depression journey, I picked up a fantastic Christian therapist. Week after week, he would listen to me as I poured out my confusion, and then he would put it all in order and give it back to me, so that I could make sense of all that I was feeling. He continually pointed me back to Christ, and back to my husband. He helped me confront lies that depression told me, things like: I’m not good enough, I will never have close friends again, I have no purpose outside of motherhood… He reminded me that I am first and foremost a child of God – that is my identity. My identity is not as a mom, nor as an old friend, but as a precious redeemed child of the King!  

I picked up some new ways of thinking, through the work we did in his office. He taught me that even though those thoughts were in my head – I could hear them, and they sure sounded like my voice! – they were actually lies that depression was telling me. He helped me begin to see depression as something outside of myself, almost like a creature perched on my shoulder – separate from me – and whispering these lies in my ear. As Pastor Brad says in the Fresh Hope for Mental Health book, I am not my diagnosis!

As I began to change my thinking, I tried to leave behind these lies. It was not easy! I had to be very intentional about recognizing the lies, and replacing them with the truth of God’s Word. So I discarded the lies and picked up truth. And one way I did that was through regular Bible reading – that’s where the truth is. Jesus is the Truth, so I spent time reading the “red letters” – the things that Jesus said. I spent a lot of time in the Gospels – reading the stories about what Jesus said and did, how He interacted with the people around Him.

Medication was added to my life. I found that I needed the right meds, which my psychiatrist helped me discover, to be able to work on the thinking patterns and eventually change them. It’s as if the meds made my thinking clear enough to then let me be able to focus on exchanging those lies I mentioned earlier for the truth.

Another thing I picked up along the way was support people. I had several friends, some new, some from years past, who were willing to learn about depression and what I was going through, and they offered me encouragement, which was especially meaningful on very dark days. They’d send a card, or a text – things like: It’s ok to not be ok. You’ll get through this. I’m here for you. My Bible Study was very accepting when I admitted my mental health struggle, and they prayed for and with me regularly. God blessed me with the safe people I needed. I’d always been a pretty strong independent woman, but now I had to put that independence down, and let others care for me. It was humbling, but so good. I learned what it means to accept help from the body of Christ…I had always been one to give, but now it was time to learn how to graciously receive.

After the 10+ years of depression and anxiety, I came out the other side. Came to the end of that part of the journey. And I was then in a place to evaluate the trip, and see if I’d learned any lessons, and what things I wanted to hold onto!

One of my take-aways is the need for rest. To not be over-the-top busy all the time, but to allow room for naps, for a slower pace, for interruptions. To relax, take a walk, read a book. Time for me.

Another thing I want to hold onto is about giving back. I want the lessons from my journey from mental illness to mental health to be available to others. I want to help folks who are struggling, because I know what it means to struggle. Granted, each person’s story and experience and journey are unique to them, but to be able to identify and acknowledge that the struggle is real is very comforting and reassuring for a person walking that path. It’s been a blessing for me to be able to walk with others, in my roles as a Fresh Hope Facilitator for a support group, and as a Hope Coach for Fresh Hope.

In fact, Fresh Hope is definitely one of the things I hold onto. The ministry of Fresh Hope, the people I’ve met through groups and one-on-ones and volunteers and staff, all are doing incredible work when it comes to helping people who are walking a mental health journey, either as someone with a diagnosis, or someone loving someone with a mental health challenge. Fresh Hope wants people to know that it’s possible to live well in spite of a mental health diagnosis. It’s a journey, but there’s much to be gained along the way. To learn more, check out the resources at freshhope.us.

Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for over 6 years and as the Hope Coach Trainer for over 4 years. She can be reached at peggy@freshhope.us.

By Mike Jacquart

Certain mental health organizations zero in on secular approaches. They can be useful resources since mental health diagnoses have their roots in biological conditions, such as genes and brain chemistry; and life experiences, such as trauma or abuse. And yet, they may speak of a “higher power” but leave it up to the individual to determine what that “higher power” actually is.

Any Christian knows this higher power is God, but knowing this fact can still leave believers and their loved ones struggling to understand mental health challenges.

“Certain churchgoers believe that behavioral disorders are caused by demonic possession or are a result of the person’s lack of faith,” as I wrote in my book Climbing out of the Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness. (For instance, ‘If you had prayed more, maybe you wouldn’t feel this bad.’)

“While not as harsh, I experienced a similar reaction in a Bible study class. It was common to ask participants to pray for someone with a physical condition, such as an upcoming operation. But when a member brought up her mental problems, no one knew what to say and so very little was expressed or discussed. The person’s concerns were not ignored but neither were they validated. I could relate and thought to myself, ‘Hey, we’re hurting too, you know!’”

As opposed to a “one or the other” approach, it’s the blending of the psychological and the spiritual that made Fresh Hope for Mental Health so appealing to me when I joined a support group eight years ago. I didn’t want to join a group that focused solely on the secular, leaving God nearly, if not entirely out of the equation.

On the other hand, I had suffered from depression and anxiety long enough, and on a prescribed medication long enough, that I knew faith alone wasn’t the answer either.

While it is a Christian organization, Pastor Brad Hoefs stresses that Fresh Hope meetings aren’t “hyperspiritual” either.

“I’ve seen many people who have little to no faith, no faith at all, or even have a different faith, come and be quite comfortable, because, more than anything it’s a safe place,” explains Hoefs.

In fact, changing our thinking is both faith-based and scientific. Neuroscience researcher Dr. Caroline Leaf points out that the average person has more than 30,000 thoughts a day! Thus, negative thoughts have the potential to turn each day inside out. It’s no wonder that Pastor Brad says we need to watch how much we ruminate or what he refers to as “stinkin’ thinkin” or toxic thoughts.

How do we go about this difficult task? Scripture offers clues, and Fresh Hope for Mental Health tenets include this verse from 2 Corinthians 10:5. “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

Is this easy? No. Does this take time? It sure does. From a faith perspective, Pastor Brad explains, “Toxic thinking needs to be taken captive, and in choosing healthy thinking and life-giving thoughts, choosing hope will grow your faith, increase your strength to believe, and ultimately change your brain chemistry.” I don’t know about the reader, but I’d much rather have positive brain chemistry than toxic thinking. Choose your thoughts wisely!

Wisely or not, since we are sinners, this remains an ongoing battle. Get better at your thoughts in one area, and the enemy is sure to strike in another. My current challenge involves focusing on positive posts, and spending as little time as possible on Facebook.

The popular social media platform has its good points. I’ve come across high school or college classmates I had not heard from in years. As an author, Facebook has been a great way for me to connect with people interested in purchasing one of my books. Online prayer requests also turn up regularly among Facebook friends and other contacts.

The bad part involves the namecalling and other political vitriol that shows up online – be it liberals criticizing conservatives, or conservatives blasting those with liberal thinking. Since the Bible says “judge not lest you be judged,” neither is a good idea regardless of one’s personal views on politics.

I am slowly understanding and following 2 Corinthians 10:5 more than I did a year, maybe even six months ago. Social media, of course, is but one challenge to mental wellness. It may be a different test entirely for someone else.

The point is, “You can’t keep doing things the same way and expect different results.” And so, if     the reader finds that a certain approach to healthy thinking is not working, try a different strategy. Emotional outbursts are easy, but patience is difficult. We want a quick fix, but life does not work that way. Recovery amd mental wellness takes time.

Remember, we are all running a marathon, and not a sprint. Don’t we all want to be able to say what Paul the apostle stated, “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.” (2 Timothy: 4-7).

Mike Jacquart belongs to a Fresh Hope support group and the author of “Climbing out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness.”  https://www.amazon.com/Climbing-out-Darkness-Personal-Wellness/dp/B0BQ58KJH4   A retired magazine editor, Mike enjoys sharing his story of “pushing through” on blog posts, podcasts, and other presentations. For more information, contact him at michaeljacquart8@gmail.com.

by Peggy Rice

This has been an overwhelming, exhausting, frustrating couple of weeks. If it weren’t for many people praying for me, I’m honestly not sure how I would have remained upright.

In all of the chaos of caring for aging parents who live far away, and the emergencies that came along with that in these past few weeks, I can say that God sustained me through it all. He and I had many conversations – sometimes I was begging for His help, sometimes I was confessing my attitude, sometimes I was asking Him for strength and provision and peace. And He met me: Every. Step. Of. The. Way.

“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19 NLT

“By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.” 2 Peter 1:3-4 NLT

When I think about the many ways that God met my needs – His perfect timing over and over again, the way the Holy Spirit would bring to my mind just the perfect verse for the moment… For example, one of those first nights that I learned about my mom’s fall, I woke in the middle of the night with my mind racing (isn’t it always worst at night?). I was near panic, experiencing fear like I’d never had before; I couldn’t think straight, I was unable to focus on God’s character.  All those tools of meditation that I talked about last month – not working! And then, this verse cut through the noise in my head and calmed me immediately: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV.

As I reflect on this, I am reminded about how He helped me when I went through 10 years of depression. I admit, I didn’t always feel God’s presence. But looking back, I can see God’s fingerprints all over my experience with my mental health crisis.

Firstly, God provided my caring and loving husband, who accepted that I was going through a tough time, and helped me in so many ways. Sometimes just listening. Sometimes administering my meds. Always there, solid.

Secondly, I had a Christian counselor, who helped me process – week after week – all that I was feeling. He continually pointed me back to Christ, and back to my husband. He listened well, and then would make sense of all that I’d just said, and give it back to me in a way that was organized, instead of the chaotic thoughts that were in my head.

I had a very good friend who listened to me for countless hours. I probably said the same things over and over, but she was patient and she prayed for me and with me. She, too, kept pointing me back to Christ.

I had other friends, too, who reached out to us, with meals and cards and prayers.

My psychiatrist was a Christian, and truly a God-send, as he helped me through very difficult side effects from me taking the wrong medication for 1½ years. He was patient and kind and gentle and encouraging.

Pastor Brad, in his book Fresh Hope for Mental Health, talks about having a team, an accountability group, of safe people who can surround you and support you in your mental health journey. I had that, and am confident that they sustained me through my darkest days.

I was willing to take medications, which allowed my mind to stop racing, so that then I could practice taking “captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”  2 Corinthians 10:5b NIV. The effect of the medications was that I was able to change my thinking, with lots of help from my therapist.

As I look back on that long depression journey, I can clearly see times that I let go of God. But He never let go of me! And in my clearer moments of thinking, I knew that. I may not have felt it, but I knew it.

I am so grateful that I had memorized some Scriptures as a child, and the Holy Spirit often assured me by bringing pieces of those passages to mind. I also had a book, called God’s Promises for Every Day, which I used to look at verses that directly applied to what I was feeling (depression, anxiety, loneliness, etc.).

Remember the song from Sunday School, The B-I-B-L-E? “I stand alone on the Word of God…” This is where what I knew about God, not what I felt, came into play. I knew that God is good, that He is in control, that He loves me no matter what I’m going through. I knew He had promised to always be with me, to never leave me nor forsake me, to hear my cries for help. So even though I may not have felt these things, I knew them to be true.

It reminds me of why it’s so important that I read God’s Word daily, so I can plant His Scripture in my head and heart. And the Holy Spirit will then bring those truths to mind as I need them. If it’s hard to read the Bible (for me, the words often swam all over the page, and I couldn’t focus), a book like I mentioned above can be helpful. Snippets of applicable Scripture – I could manage just reading one at a time, and it helped me keep my focus on God.

I also wrote in my journal – a lot! Many of my entries were prayers – for help, for a sense of God’s Presence, for relief from the mental pain. I cried out to God, like David does in the Psalms.

One of God’s names in Scripture is Jehovah Jireh – the Lord will provide. And He does.

I encourage you to call out to Him, tell Him what you’re feeling. Tell Him what you think you need (remember, though, that He knows better than you do!). Ask Him to provide people who can support you in your mental health journey. Consider joining a Fresh Hope Support Group, or seek a short-term relationship with a Hope Coach from Fresh Hope. You do not have to walk this journey alone. God will give you all you need, so that you can walk through with hope.

Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for over 6 years and as the Hope Coach Trainer for over 4 years. She can be reached at peggy@freshhope.us.

By Mike Jacquart

“Self-care” is a term I wish I would have known more about years ago, as it would have saved me a lot of grief and reoccurrances into depression. As an editor for a Christian newsletter publishing company, I wrote about the topic for audiences like foster parents. Self-care made perfect sense for them.  But writing about something without actually experiencing it yourself is not the same thing!

 Case in point: After years of wondering why I had a difficult time keeping a job, I was finally diagnosed with ADHD and depression twenty years ago. My prescribed medication (Wellbutrin, and later Prozac as well) helped a great deal in terms of improving my mood, concentration, and other positives. It was truly a blessing that worked well most of the time.

And so, four years after my diagnosis, on the trip of a lifetime to Alaska, I was taken aback when I began having a depressive episode that occurred shortly after a friend fell and injured her ankle while on a whale-watching excursion. It was a cruel reminder to me that, even with medication, it was still possible to experience depression. I’ve never been good at faking it, so my wife and friends could not figure out why I was not having a good time. I told them it was due to not getting enough sleep. That was partly true, but I knew there was more to it than that. Sure, I crawled out of it, but it likely took nearly a day. That’s a long time when you’re supposed to be on vacation.

Marina London, LCSW, explained what was going on in my book, Climbing Out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness. “Depression is an illness. Just like your friend’s ankle was not going to stop hurting because you were on the trip of a lifetime, neither was your depression,” London wrote. “Sometimes medications stop being effective. The fix can be as simple as increasing the dosage. In addition, and ironically, vacations can be stressful in their own way, unfamiliar, rushed, even strenuous at times.”

But it was the “for no apparent reason” depression I experienced in Alaska that caught me off guard. While depressive incidents weren’t common, I had no idea why they occurred nor what to do about them when they did happen. Since I was feeling better most of the time, I did not think a lot about my episodes. But years later, in May 2017, we had to have our beloved Maltese, Baxter, put down, and the resulting grief and depression took me the rest of the year to get through. The experience shook me to the core as I thought I was over major depression! Marina said in my book I was probably experiencing prolonged grief disorder.  Perhaps personal therapy would have helped me get over it sooner. But I never thought about pursuing it.

I was desperate for coping strategies, so when a friend asked me to join a local Fresh Hope group, which I knew nothing about at the time, I gladly accepted. The following are among the coping strategies I’ve learned in Fresh Hope, as well as a few on my own.

* We have the choice of getting better or getting worse. I loved the fact that Fresh Hope meetings weren’t pity pots in which we did little but complain about our afflictions. The “Therefore, I choose” phrase in the tenets was a crucial phrase I had not thought of before.

* We’re all going through something. Learning about other people’s troubles in a group setting is a comforting reminder that we are not alone in our struggles. In fact, I’ve found that listening to the struggles of others helps me to realize that maybe my problems weren’t as big as I thought they were.

* Learning about radical acceptance has helped me a lot. We discuss self-care strategies periodically in our meetings, and “radical acceptance” has been the most useful lesson for me. Before that, when I was depressed, I was simply told “get over it,” but no one ever explained to me how to get over my challenge! In understanding this concept, I came to realize there are many things in life we don’t agree with, or wish were different, but “it is what it is” and we have to learn to accept it. “Accept” is not the same thing as “agree.” You can accept what someone says without agreeing with them. Consider: It’s Wednesday, and since I’m not having a good day (some unexpected bills came in the mail), I was really looking forward to Fresh Hope on Thursday. Except the forecast was for 3-5 inches of snow, so our group facilitator cancelled. The bad news made my awful day even worse. Or did it? I was allowing my thoughts to choose me, instead of me choosing my thoughts. As Dr. Caroline Leaf says, the average person has more than 30,000 thoughts a day! Thus, negative thoughts have the potential to turn any given day inside out. Instead of stewing about the news, I could have done something more positive, like read a hopeful scripture or listen to a particularly inspirational song.

* Consider personal therapy.  While Fresh Hope has been very beneficial, there are some occasions when a more one-on-one setting can be useful as well. Group settings just don’t always offer enough personal time when one is really troubled. As a result, I have a therapist through my health insurance that I see periodically when something is really bothering me.

* Don’t overlook exercise, music, prayer or other possibilities. What are you doing when you feel really alive? Whatever it is that truly motivates you is something you should be doing more often regardless of what it is. As one example, I think a lot of people overlook the mental as well as physical benefits of exercise. There is a good reason why doctors recommend that people suffering from anxiety or depression pencil in gym time. During workouts, the body releases multiple hormones, including endorphins and serotonin. These hormones naturally help improve mood, cognition, and concentration. When I was depressed about losing my dog, riding my bike was very therapeutic. Sure, getting on it wasn’t always easy, but I always felt at least a little better afterward. Maybe music is more your bag. Since we often feel music as much as we listen to it, I’ve found that favorite tunes will often lift me out of a funk. Or what about reciting a favorite scripture? Proverbs 3:5-6 is encouraging for me.

The point is, whether it’s a simple walk around the block, a 3-mile bike ride, or prayer time with the Lord, be sure and do something when you’re depressed. I know getting my mind off depression or anxiety, if even briefly, will help me feel better. Self-help strategies like these are well worth your time to try out.

Mike Jacquart belongs to a Fresh Hope support group and the author of “Climbing out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness.”  https://www.amazon.com/Climbing-out-Darkness-Personal-Wellness/dp/B0BQ58KJH4   A retired magazine editor, Mike enjoys sharing his story of “pushing through” on blog posts, podcasts, and other presentations. For more information, contact him at michaeljacquart8@gmail.com.

 

by Peggy Rice, Hope Coach Trainer for Fresh Hope

Earlier this week, at our Fresh Hope for Mental Health Support Group, we discussed Meditation and Mindfulness. Not the mystical state of “harmony and serenity,” but the Biblical concept of meditating on the Word of God.

Studies about Mindfulness and Meditation have shown it to be very effective, when practiced consistently, with easing anxiety and depression symptoms. There is a physical affect – slowing the heart and the breathing rates, allowing my body to relax. My blood pressure normalizes. I’m not breathing shallowly, but deeply – filling my lungs, getting the oxygen-enriched blood to flow through my systems. The National Institute of Health reports that mindfulness and meditation can even help improve sleep and provide pain relief.

The Bible says:

• Be still, and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10 NIV
• You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Isaiah 26:3 NLT
• Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34 NIV
• I will meditate on your majestic, glorious splendor and your wonderful miracles. Psalm 145:5 NLT
• And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:8 NLT
• Psalm 119 has many verses, affirming that we can focus on God’s Word, His decrees, His works, His promises.

So, what am I supposed to meditate on? How do I pick a verse, or a topic, or a word? How do I even begin to do this meditating-on-God’s-Word-thing?

First, I find a quiet comfortable place. One where I can sit with my body well supported – a comfortable chair perhaps. I don’t lie down – the goal isn’t to fall asleep (though meditating at night is mentioned several times in the Bible, and it is a good way to calm racing nighttime thoughts, and maybe even bringing about sleep.) I take some slow deep breaths, and gently close my eyes, or fix my gaze across the room, where I can let my focus soften for a few moments.

I slowly read the verse/verses out loud (keep reading – I’ll offer some suggestions coming up), in a relaxing voice. It’s good to read it aloud – so that my ears hear it – not just in my head; I’m using more of my senses that way. I read slowly, pausing after each phrase. I allow myself to really listen to the words, and hold there a few moments. God might want to bring some truth from His Word into my heart! So I don’t rush.

When I’ve read all the way through, I just sit in the moment. I want to see if any of what I read “jumps out at me.” Maybe a phrase repeats itself in my head. Then I ask God what He wants to teach me about what I’m thinking on.

When I’m done (and there’s no time limit or requirement – it may be just a few minutes to start – that’s ok!), I slowly inhale through my nose for a count of four, hold my breath for four, and exhale through my mouth for a count of four.

There! I did it! I meditated on God’s Word!

When I meditate from the Bible, I like to focus on what Scripture teaches me about God: His names, His attributes, His character. This way, I have one word to help keep my concentration. Using the acronym FEBRUARY, here are some attributes of God, and supporting Scripture verses to read.

F – Faithful: Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens; your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds. Psalm 36:5 NLT

E – Emmanuel (God with us): Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10 NLT

B – Beautiful: One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. Psalm 27:4 NIV

R – Rock: The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. Psalm 18:2 NLT

U – Understanding: Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit. Psalm 147:5 NIV

A – Able:Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, … Ephesians 3:20 ESV

R – Rescues: “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.” Psalm 91:14-16 NIV

Y – Yahweh (Lord): I AM WHO I AM. And he said, “Say this to the people of Israel: “I AM has sent me to you.” Exodus 3:14 ESV; defined in Exodus 34:6-7a: And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin…”

When first beginning to meditate on Scripture, it’s normal that your thoughts will wander. You might begin thinking about what to fix for dinner, or the tasks that lay before you for the day, or what you watched on TV last night, or any myriad of things! That’s normal – our thought life can be very distracting! But as you practice focusing on God’s Word, you’ll get better at it! It’s like anything else – it improves the more you do it.

In the meantime, when you find your thoughts wandering, just gently remind yourself that you’re focusing on God. And come back to the word/verse/phrase you’re using for the day. Just whisper it – out loud or in your mind – and bring those thoughts back.

There are many ways to meditate on God’s Word. This acronym was just a suggestion, of course. If you want more, you can find lists of names and supporting Scriptures just through Googling: “What are the names of God?” Or “Attributes of God.” Or take a familiar Scripture – maybe you know Psalm 23 by heart – and read it a verse at a time. There’s an old traditional monastic practice called Lectio Divina, where you slowly listen to or read Scripture several times, and see what phrases jump out at you, then meditate and pray on that specifically. You can even journal on it.

Lots of options here! And you can grow into new practices as you get more comfortable with it. But you gotta start somewhere, which is why I suggest just one word – a characteristic of God – to help you stay focused. Best wishes to you…let me know how it goes!

Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for over 6 years and as the Hope Coach Trainer for over 4 years. She can be reached at peggy@freshhope.us.

By Mike Jacquart

If you’ve ever seen the movie High Anxiety, especially if you’re a Mel Brooks fan, no doubt you found it a funny flick. But anxiety is no laughing matter for anyone with a mental health diagnosis.

In fact, anxiety and depression are often co-occurring. People who are depressed often feel anxious and worried. One can easily trigger the other.  “When you get anxious, you tend to have this pervasive thinking about some worry or other problem,” explains therapist Sally R. Connolly in my book, Climbing out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness. “You feel bad about it. Then you feel like you’ve failed. You move to depression.”

Debilitating anxiety is much more serious than the anxiety we all go through as part of everyday life. Anyone who starts a new job is understandably anxious in the beginning. It’s the same for a lot of new ventures in life. But the anxiety that I experienced were unrelenting emotions that went on every day. They can last months, even years.

Case in point: many years ago I was placed on probation by my employer at the exact same time that my wife and I were house hunting. My wife said, “We need a roof over our heads regrdless of what happens, so let’s go ahead with it (buying a home).” “Easy for you to say, I thought to myself repeatedly. You’re not the one wondering whether you’re going to have a job six months from now.”

Combine worry with the ruminating thoughts that many of us with a diagnosis experience, and you’ve got a pit in your stomach that just doesn’t go away. Go to the grocery store, “how much should we buy, I might lose my job.” Go to church, “God, please help me keep my job,” not realizing that may, or may not have been part of His plan.

Long story short, we bought a home, AND I was in fact, let go. But it didn’t take long for someone with a lengthy writing background to quickly find a job as a reporter, something I had done before moving on to editing. My anxiety largely went away but now it switched gears to depression. I went through the motions, but I felt dead inside, listless and with little energy or hope.

This went on for roughly a year until, sick to death of work I could almost do in my sleep, I accepted a job as a grant writer for a nonprofit agency. Some of my friends thought I was crazy for leaving a job I was good at, for the unknown. And yet, as I wrote in my book, “how many people hate their job yet never quit because they’d rather complain than take a chance on something new.”

Only now, while my depression quickly subsided, excited over a new venture, my anxiety returned and with a vengeance.  These intense emotions went on nearly every day. Not just at work, but also on the drive to work, on the way home, you name it. I was fortunate if I was even able to relax at home.

Notice that I’ve only mentioned prayer and God once until this point. I’m not proud of the lack of trust I had in the Lord at the time, but it was reality for me. Fortunately, through God’s grace this would change roughly a year later when, due to budget cuts, I was laid off from my job as a grant writer.

This time, a faithful God and a loving supportive wife finally had my attention that there was something going on beyond losing jobs. I finally turned to my Bible for some answers, and especially encouraging was the verse in Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. (NKJV). I memorized it and recited it to myself each day. At home, at the grocery store, in the car, wherever I was, the more I thought about the verse, the more I believed it and the better I felt. As I wrote in my book, “When you have been out of work repeatedly, hopelessness sets in.” The words “future” and “hope” were very comforting. In fact, it was not long before my ruminating thoughts changed from a desperate, “I’m unemployed, I’m unemployed” to a more optimistic, “God has a plan. I just don’t know what it is yet.”

The book of Proverbs (3:5-6) provided another hopeful scripture that I committed to memory. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. And lean not on your understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and He will direct your paths. (NKJV). In this case, “trust in the Lord” provided a great deal of solace that kept me on the path of looking to God for answers. In terms of jobs, clearly leaning on “my understanding” was not working very well!

Since I was out of work with plenty of time on my hands, my wife convinced me to make an appointment with a counselor to discuss my struggles with depression, anxiety, and related feelings. After several sessions, I completed a questionnaire, which led my counselor to diagnose “mild depression and Attention Deficity Hyperactivity Disorder.” FINALLY, after years of wondering what was going on mentally, thinking it was mostly about being in the wrong job, I had some answers to my difficulties! I realized that I when I took a new job, depression and anxiety came along for the ride. They subsided during the “honeymoon period” when you’re excited as the new kid on the block. But when this period ends, the emotional issues resurface. They never really go away.

Eight months after my pink slip from the nonprofit agency, and on a prescribed medication that was improving my symptoms, I finally got a job! Recognizing I was still unemployed, a publishing friend of mine, owner of a small Christian publishing business, offered me a part-time position editing one of the newsletters his company produced.

It was not long before it led to more hours, and full time. As his only editor, I eventually took on editing responsibilities for all of the newsletters. I was grateful that my additional workflow increased gradually and not all at once. That would have spiked my anxiety, which I did not need as I continued my recovery into mental wellness.

Between being happier, better able to concentrate, and having few, if any of the ruminating thoughts that had so often “poisoned” my state of mind, I began to realize just  how much my dual diagnosis had plagued me in the past, not only on jobs but also in my personal life.

Since God is the only one who truly sees “the big picture,” I started to realize how God can, and does, make good things out of bad. I worked at my friend’s firm for fourteen years. The longest job I had previously was four years! Even more important were the lessons I learned in how to lean on God, and not just my thinking, thoughts that were often off track of a better plan for my life.

Obviously, not everything remained “good” since life does not work that way. It was during a down period after losing my beloved dog that God led me to Fresh Hope. Through the Lord and my supportive group, that misery is also in my rear-view mirror.

While every life journey is distinctive and every path to wellness is unique, help IS available. Make an appointment for teletherapy, or ask a friend to take you to (or log online) a Fresh Hope support meeting. As I learned the hard way, “You can’t keep doing things the same way, and expect different results.”

MOST important, don’t wait as long as I did to pray and ask the Almighty for help. Whatever it is, the issue likely won’t resolve itself overnight, but the wait will prove worth it. I know it was for me.

Mike Jacquart belongs to a Fresh Hope support group and the author of “Climbing out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness.”  https://www.amazon.com/Climbing-out-Darkness-Personal-Wellness/dp/B0BQ58KJH4   A retired magazine editor, Mike enjoys sharing his story of “pushing through” on blog posts, podcasts, and other presentations. For more information, contact him at michaeljacquart8@gmail.com.