Mother’s Day is approaching and today I had the privilege of visiting my 92 year old mother, who is living in a nursing home. Mom has lived a vibrant life, hosting many of the family parties. She would share encouraging words believing in her children. Her input would give us a sense of independence with a value of self-worth. Her love was threaded through all of our lives, shared with 3 other siblings.
I hope this Mother’s Day you will remember your mother. But, most importantly share your love and encouragement to your family so one day they will look back on their life and remember the good of who you are.
For Moms who have children with a mental diagnosis, love is a hard line of accepting and forgiving with unconditional love. We are always giving of ourselves and God sees it all. Let us learn to love through His eyes.
May His love shine through you this Mother’s Day,
K.T. Griffiths
K.T. Griffiths offers her first book, a memoir, to all those who face the realities of life and parenting. When one of K,T.’s children was diagnosed with a mental illness, her role as mother was so tried and tested that writing Shhh…Mental Illness, The Silent Disease and sharing her story became a necessity. Known for her wisdom, honesty, and authentic empathy for the plight of others equipped her to explore and share the chaos of the mind amidst life’s relational struggles and help others emerge stronger than before.
I finished part 1 of Be Kind to Yourself looking at the kindness of God and how He sees us as His children, who are forgiven and set free from the bondage of condemnation and guilt. And yet being a loved child of God goes so much further than that too, as God pours His love into our hearts through the Holy Spirit (Rom.5:5). His Presence in us enables us to flourish in an atmosphere of love, and live life differently.
It is as though we are seeds God plants in a mineral rich soil, full of Himself, and then He carefully nurtures our growth through our connection with Him and other believers in the church. Over time we increasingly become more like the loving Father who brought us to birth, because we are able to constantly draw on His resources for life. So, what does being planted in mineral rich soil look like and how can we access more of His grace?
One way we do this is by learning about who God says we are. God is full of kind words about us if we will take time to stop and listen. As we listen and take these in, it powerfully transforms our way of thinking. I remember the weight of rejection that lifted off my life when I read in the Bible that it was God who “created my inmost being and knit me together in my mother’s womb” (Ps.139:13). No matter the circumstances of our arrival on this earth or maybe the powerful influences that leave us feeling rejected, God is the author of life and He made each one of us. Not one of us was a ‘mistake’ or a ‘chance’ happening. He was involved from the start, just as He will continue to be until the end. That one truth brought me much freedom and joy, and healing to my soul. And there are so many more.
Psalm 139:17-18 says, “How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.”
An alternative translation of Psalm 139:17 says “How amazing are your thoughts concerning me.” God has an unceasing amount of wonderful and positive thoughts about each one of us and He wants us to know every one of them.
The writer of Psalm 139, King David, experienced many times when life did not go as planned. At times he was chased down, let down, he despaired of life, and he was forsaken. Other times he was the author of his own misfortune, making some of the most terrible mistakes including adultery and murder. The Psalms he pens are full of raw responses to the trials, tribulations, and challenges in his life, and yet also full of incredible insights into the goodness, compassion, and unfailing love of God. In fact, it is often in the difficult times that God reveals Himself most clearly to us. Taking time to drink in God’s thoughts each day can be a great antidote to all the negativity around us in the world.
Here are some truths God speaks over us:
I am loved, blessed, and adopted into God’s family (Eph.1:4; Rom.8:14-16)
I do not need to fear (Rom.8:15; Heb.13:6)
I am a wonderful work of God (Ps.139:14)
God takes delight in me and rejoices over me with singing (Zeph.3:17)
I have a future that is full of promise (Jer.29:11)
I am not alone (Heb.13:5)
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil.4:13)
He will complete the work He began in me (Phil.1:6)
These are just such a small collection of God’s thoughts concerning us.
How do we replace our old ways of thinking with new positive thoughts and affirmations? How can we show ourselves kindness? Some of these, I mentioned in the first part of this blog. However, I want to remind us of them again.
When you feel disturbed inside, slow down and ask yourself, “What am I thinking about myself or my circumstances right now?” Often we don’t recognise what is driving our emotions because we don’t stop to listen. Unmasking our hidden negative self-talk comes when we show kindness by noticing.
Take a negative thought and speak out the opposite. In this way you are disrupting the negative highways in your brain and making new, more positive ones. If you feel condemned, speak the truth, “I am not condemned by God and I will not condemn myself.” If you feel like a loser, speak the truth, “I am not a loser. I have been wonderfully made by God and have a great future.”
Don’t beat yourself up. None of us are perfect. We are all a work in progress. Add in the word “yet” to your sentence. So instead of saying, “I am never kind,” say, “I am not as kind as I want to be yet, but I am learning.”
Release yourself from the unreasonable expectations of others and stop “shoulding” on yourself. “Should” is often clothed in shame and guilt. One time in a church I was pastoring a visitor stood up in a service and said we “should all be ashamed of ourselves” for not doing what she thought we “should” be doing. I was quick to kindly and firmly release everyone from the negative weight of those words, which can be so destructive. Recognizing when someone’s expectations are not yours to carry is a great antidote to unnecessary stress.
Instead of using words like “should,” use words like, “I am going to…,” or “I am choosing to…,” or “I am not driven by guilt today.” By doing this you are deciding and taking responsibility for your actions with purpose and agency, rather than guilt or panic.
Interrupt the cycle of guilty thoughts in your head. I had a difficult interaction with someone recently and I rehearsed our conversation over and over in my head in a way that was draining away my hope. It took me a while to realise what I was doing, and when I did, I stopped and recognised that the conversation didn’t go so well and then decided I had to let it go. And I made a mental note that I would keep trying to navigate some of our differences with more wisdom and tact next time, whilst not being ruled by this person’s reactions. Sometimes the greatest energy we can release for the future is when we let go of the past.
Journal your uncomfortable interactions with others as a positive way to process, unpack, and grow through them, rather than be overwhelmed by them. The process of writing them down can also be a good way of releasing them, as you imagine letting them go.
Ask for help if you feel overwhelmed. Not one of us has all the answers to all the problems we face. We were made to thrive in community. Whilst that is a whole different topic, the maxim, “a trouble shared is a trouble halved” has some truth to it. Many times my anxieties have eased or disappeared because I talked about an issue through with a friend, pastor, or counsellor.
Is there one way you can start making a choice to be kind to yourself? Start with the easiest way you can do this and not the hardest, and especially not all of them at once. Growing is a process that lasts a lifetime and so we need to pace ourselves to do it one step at a time. Be encouraged by how God thinks about you today. You are the apple of His eye and He delights over you. Ask Him to keep filling you with His Spirit of love to help you in your transformational journey. The best is yet to come.
Mark lives in Niagara Falls, Canada with his wife, Janet. They have 5 children and a dog and enjoy exercise, public speaking, and motivating others. They have walked through many years of navigating mental illness and its effects on their marriage, their children, and pretty much every aspect of their lives. Through Living Well Coaching, their desire is to connect people to Jesus’ unlimited resources, and help them build resilient, healthy, and fruitful lives that glorify God and reach their full potential. You can follow them on social media: INSTAGRAM @livingwellcoaching; FACEBOOK livingwellcoachingniagara or their website Livingwellcoaching.ca
Ever have a day when all that you try and do goes awry, or you forget something important, or you fail at something again, or someone snubs or gaslights you? Or, just at that crucial time of relationship communication when it’s going so well, out pops those same familiar words that kill the atmosphere and create a chasm between you?
What do you do in those times? How does it feel and how do you respond? If you’re like me, you can feel rough, low, frustrated, guilty, ashamed, or even hopeless.
What do you say to yourself when you feel this way? “I’ll never change”; “It’ll never change”; “You idiot!”; “I should do better”; “Here we go again…”; “You’re so dumb!” “Loser!” You may have your own established habit of negative self-talk that is so common to your thinking that you don’t even notice.
Research has consistently linked self-criticism to mental health disorders, such as anxiety and depression, and adding to life stressors such as relational difficulties. Often, we can be our cruellest critic. We can see ourselves through a lens of negativity, particularly if that has been communicated to us over and over again within our closest relationships from an early age. We justify our negative self-talk because, after all, we think we know who we really are, right?
And often this can lead us to “shoulding” on ourselves. “I should have done/said this…” or “I shouldn’t have done/said that.” I know I’m guilty of that! It’s not that all self-reflection is wrong if it leads us to grow and mature. If we continually say or do inappropriate or insensitive things, we need to change for the sake of ourselves and others. But it’s not healthy if all it does is lead us on a downward spiral that negatively affects our mood, our thoughts, and our relationships.
Another challenge that comes with negative self-talk is that if we don’t do anything to change these thought patterns, we’ll simply repeat them again and again. Unchecked, our negative thoughts put us at a disadvantage in how we see and respond to ourselves and the world around us. We have to expend more energy on just keeping our heads above the waters of wellness, that we have less to give to growing, learning, and loving.
Somehow we need to interrupt this cycle. So how can we do this?
One way of interrupting the cycle is to show ourselves kindness. But how do we do this? There are many ways. Firstly, we need to begin to recognise our negative self-talk. This means asking ourselves questions when we are feeling negative and low. What am I thinking/was I just thinking? When we begin to recognise this, we can stop for a few moments, and bring a kind thought or word into our lives to counter the negative. This does not come easily, but as we practise it, we begin to form new and healthy ‘thought highways’ in our brain and in our mind.
We can also interrupt the cycle by remembering things that have gone well; or by practising gratitude, or even by taking some time to worship and praise. Or by taking a walk in nature and appreciating the beauty around us, noticing how much of the natural world around is not squeezed into man-made uniformity, but rather displays variety, uniqueness, and luxurious creativity. Or even by saying out loud to ourselves statements like, “I’m not going to let this destroy me,” or “I’m going to use this to help me grow,” or, “I didn’t say the right thing yet, but I am learning to be more sensitive.”
So, is being kind about excusing bad behaviour? No. Rather it is getting ourselves to a place where we are able to grow rather than sink in the murky waters of self-criticism and condemnation.
Another way to grow in kindness towards ourselves is to learn how God sees us. Unfortunately, certain upbringings or experiences can teach us that God is a cruel taskmaster and the arch critic and demander of perfection. This is so far from the truth. The parable of the Prodigal Son so powerfully describes the opposite (Luke 15). Sure, He sees how we are made, and that we mess up by doing and saying selfish and self serving things. Yet, through His Son’s death on the cross, God dealt with the root cause of this: sin, or the force, like gravity, that always seems to pull us away from being the best version of ourselves. We have hope to change because Jesus willingly gave Himself up to free us from this downward pull and give us an upward trajectory now we are “in Christ” (2 Cor.5:17).
Romans 8:1 says, “…there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,” and later in verse 33 it says, “Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one.” What amazing truth to bask in and meditate on even right now. If God declares us not guilty, we have no reason to condemn ourselves or let others do it. Instead we can praise and give God thanks that He has given us all we need for life and godliness to help us grow out of our old ways of thinking into new, life giving ones.
Furthermore, He gives grace to help us grow in virtues such as love, faith, hope, and self-control with our words and in our deeds. God is love, and so as we get to know Him and become more like Him, we become more loving. Being filled with the kind of love that God promises to give us is a great foundation for a life that is transformed from brokenness to wholeness, from depression to joy, from being forsaken to being adopted, and so much more. This is great news 😊
So, next time you want to mentally beat yourself up, stop and acknowledge it and its cause, and then choose to see yourself in the light of Christ and a child of God who is still growing. It may mean making some amends, but also let it be the start of showing kindness to yourself with words that build you up, not tear you down and words that speak hope to your future.
Mark lives in Niagara Falls, Canada with his wife, Janet. They have 5 children and a dog and enjoy exercise, public speaking, and motivating others. They have walked through many years of navigating mental illness and its effects on their marriage, their children, and pretty much every aspect of their lives. Through Living Well Coaching, their desire is to connect people to Jesus’ unlimited resources, and help them build resilient, healthy, and fruitful lives that glorify God and reach their full potential. You can follow them on social media: INSTAGRAM @livingwellcoaching; FACEBOOK livingwellcoachingniagara or their website Livingwellcoaching.ca
I have noticed how people talk about their faith as they go about their lives—It seems to me that many folks believe that while God loves them, He is simply tolerating or waiting around for them to screw things up. They think the sun has set, and God wants them to trip around in the darkness because He is disappointed in them. I have had these thoughts, too.
But even though I manage Bipolar disorder every day of my life, I do not act like God is simply putting up with me. I do not believe I have to fumble around in painful pitch blackness. Instead, I recognize that God longs for me to make choices that show He made me in His heroic image and likeness, the likeness of the risen Hero who takes charge and carries out God’s will for the world. Sure, I am compromised by sin and brokenness, even by mental disorder—and I battle against the dark still—but my weaknesses do not eliminate the truth that Jesus Christ lives within me in the form of His Holy Spirit. The power of Jesus works through my weaknesses so that I can rule alongside Him and share in the stewardship of God’s creation.
“Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”—2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NLT
But if you knew me, you’d know some of my weaknesses. I almost always say what I’m thinking, including cuss words. Filter. What filter? I navigate a culture that pushes me into temptations in sexual purity I’d never thought I’d have to confront or endure. I always desire to binge on sugary food. I’m a pastor, and people often irritate and annoy me, cough, to no end. I am frequently fearful and beg God to give me peace when I play music in front of a crowd or when I am waiting for test results to come back from my last colonoscopy or dermatology appointment. I get depressed when it’s cloudy outside. Seriously, are you kidding? I’m a total piece of work. And yet Jesus has radically changed me to be more and more heroic as He is heroic (see January 26, 2024 blog post to learn more: Jesus’ Heroic Worship and The H.E.R.O. Tool). The journey has been harrowing but excellent.
Further, Bipolar disorder creates challenges. There are difficult days of painful mental dissonance that rival the days when I’ve endured my most physical pain. The darkness I’ve suffered from can be as black and hard to wash off as ink. But Bipolar disorder gives me a marked avenue to speak to a specific type of audience about how Christian worship and Jesus’ heroism can bring people back from the brink—to offer a guiding light of immeasurable hope. And my clarity of purpose as a result of how I manage Bipolar disorder gives me an unrelenting expectation of God’s provision, that His word will be the light onto my feet. And if Jesus will be my light, He’ll be the light for anyone who calls upon Him to be their Savior and King. Have you read this passage recently?
“Your commandments give me understanding; no wonder I hate every false way of life. Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path. I’ve promised it once, and I’ll promise it again: I will obey your righteous regulations. I have suffered much, O Lord; restore my life again as you promised. Lord, accept my offering of praise, and teach me your regulations. My life constantly hangs in the balance, but I will not stop obeying your instructions.”—Psalms 119:104-109 NLT
Maybe the label FREAK hangs in the balance if I ignore or eliminate God’s guiding heroic light—because in some ways, I want to be labeled a freak. Here are a handful of lessons I have learned from the intersection of Jesus’ heroism, Bipolar disorder and Christian worship:
The bold truth is that I know people’s souls rely on me to tell my gritty story and help them connect the dots to Truth. As I’ve said in other blog posts, Jesus’ idea is to use His followers to accomplish His work within creation. No, God doesn’t need me to do anything for Him, and yet I know I am necessary for His work and story because He has chosen to make me necessary. I have never lost hope in my identity and value because of this truth.
Therefore, it is my mission to become an unyielding storyteller. Becoming a storyteller gives meaning to my painful disorder. It illuminates God’s purpose for my worship: to revere/worship Jesus by being His witness to others—to tell my gritty story, to tell a heroic story about Jesus. Therefore, how I allow the Great Hero, Jesus Christ, to be revealed in my living is essential to the story He tells about Himself. My mission to be a storyteller guides the choices about how I live my life. And it might cause me to be labeled a “freak.” But being a storyteller is God’s design for us all, no matter what privileges we have or talents we employ day by day. Our creative witness is a giant part of my worship and your worship.
In my case, I have the gift and experience to lead music and singing for numerous kinds of Christian events or church services. Having Bipolar disorder doesn’t directly make me a good church music or worship leader, though it might make me a bit of a freak by default. Still, my management of Bipolar disorder has influenced my paradigm of Christian worship to a radical degree. I do not think worship is simply singing church songs out of reverence for God. Yes, I lead and sing songs about Jesus. But more than that, the worship I lead works to build environments and opportunities that awaken a longing in people’s hearts for the Great Hero, Jesus Christ. Jesus calls His Church into a type of worship that guides us into a lifestyle of gritty living that tells a heroic story about Him. Our songs represent the Church’s unified gritty witness about the Great Hero’s story.
I live in the extraordinary intersection of mental health, Christian worship and Jesus’ heroism. You may not be a song leader in a church like me; you might drive a tractor, sit at a desk, stay at home, or live in a jail cell, but you can be a heroic worshiper and leader. Become a freak like me. I idolize Jesus because I believe He is restoring His heroic image in me. You might not believe how clear the view is from Jesus’ heroic vantage point. But it would be best if you gave it a try. Join me at this intersection and become a freak by leveraging your brokenness, including the things that have caused you shame and disgrace—maybe your mental illness—to image God and to become a heroic worshiper of Jesus with your story. Yes, life has been full of pain, bad choices and confusion. But no, God is not holding His breath, waiting for you or me to blow it. Instead, God sees Jesus in those who follow and believe—because Jesus is guiding us into His heroic greatness. So, let us work hard to live heroically, as Jesus is heroic, and tell His heroic story by telling our gritty stories—this is how we bring glory to God—this is our worship. And while many people might assume we are FREAKS, many others will follow the Great Hero. Our purpose is certain:
We exist to experience and express worship as gritty living that tells a heroic story about Jesus.
Look, out that way, the sun is rising…you freak.
***Next month, we’ll dream about strategies and ways to express your “gritty story to tell a heroic story about Jesus.”
Scott and Kariann Box live in Redmond, Oregon. Scott serves as Pastor of Development at Shiloh Ranch Church and has been a worship leader for over twenty-five years. Kariann works as a Realtor in Central Oregon and supports Scott’s…creative spirit. They have two children, a one-hundred-pound Labradoodle and a four-pound Shih Tzu without teeth. Scott is the author of HEROIC DISGRACE: Order out of chaos. Hope out of fear. ― A Worship Hero Story
In my personal 10-year journey through depression, I often found myself stuck. I would ruminate on negative thoughts – things like “I’m all alone,” “I will never get better,” “This is as good as it’s going to get,” “God can’t see me.” The list goes on and on.
I was overwhelmed with the many things that I knew could help me get better, but I couldn’t do any of them. I felt paralyzed by them – exercise, eat right, get on a regular sleep schedule, do something I love to do, hang out with friends, pray, read my Bible. Again, the list goes on and on!
I couldn’t see a way forward. I felt hopeless.
Some days, just getting out of bed was all I accomplished. And even that was so hard to do! I think I did it for my kids – to try to keep some level of normalcy in our family life, even though I was only going through the motions. I would often get out of bed, put on my bathrobe, and come out of the bedroom to sit with them at the kitchen table as they ate breakfast. I would pray with them before they left for school. And then I had to fight the urge to crawl back under the safety of my covers, the blankets covering my head to take me into darkness. Some mornings, I couldn’t resist.
Other mornings, I’d slowly get dressed for the day. If I took a shower, I’d stand under the water, fighting my negative thoughts and willing my body to stay standing. When the water started to cool, I’d shut it off and get out. Back into the real world. No longer “protected” by the small enclosure made by the tub and curtain. Back into the bright light of the day.
And then I’d face the daunting task of deciding what to do. And I couldn’t decide. Sometimes, I’d sit on the couch with a small devotional and read a few verses. I found it very difficult to read my Bible – hard to concentrate, and the words seemed to move all over the page. So a couple of verses from my devotional was all I could manage. I’d try to pray, but often it was just me crying.
I did journal – a lot! Most of my entries were me begging God to help me. Asking Him to lift the dark blanket enveloping me. Bring me light, peace. Or crying out to Him, asking Him where He was as I sat in darkness. Other days, my entries were of gratitude to Him for getting me through the previous day.
I had a part-time job, and so most days I had to go to work. The drive was agony. All that time in the car to brood.
Once I got to work, I could often fake it through the day. Though I only did the bare minimum – I didn’t have the energy for more. In my darkest times of depression, I could only manage a couple hours of work, and then I’d have to go home. By God’s grace, I worked with a team of people who helped carry my work load when it was too much for me.
I told my therapist that I couldn’t do all the things that would help me more forward from the darkness of mental illness to the light of mental health. And he taught me about taking baby steps.
I had been looking at all the things on the to-do list. And I was overwhelmed. He pointed out that I was making progress. By getting out of bed – that was a baby step in the right direction. By showering. Another baby step. Reading my devotional – baby step. Going to work – an even bigger baby step.
He called them “victories.” And he encouraged me to celebrate them.
So I tried. When I would get through my shower, I would thank God in my journal for helping me do that. When I put in a couple hours of work, I would write down gratitude for my co-workers who helped me. When I walked around the block, I celebrated in my journal about exercising.
Little by little, these baby steps forward began to increase. Maybe some days were “two steps forward and one step back,” but I congratulated myself that it was still forward motion. I expressed gratitude in my journal – thanking God for helping me with these victories.
My therapist encouraged me to not think of them as little victories vs big victories. Not to put a comparison on them. But just to celebrate them as successes.
I began to take the big goals – for example, hang out with friends – and break them into smaller pieces. Like: call a friend. Or plan a coffee date.
I broke them into bite-sized pieces, things that I could manage to accomplish. I stopped looking at all of the list, and instead just focused on one thing. And if that was too big, I tried to break it down into smaller tasks. And then I’d celebrate – express gratitude to God in my journal – for Him helping me complete it. I tried to just focus on the next thing, and not the whole list. Just one task at a time.
I realize now that I had been paralyzed by the endless list of things I “should” do. By breaking it down into things I could do, I began to move forward. From stuck to unstuck. From hopelessness to hope.
“The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9
Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for 5 years and as the Hope Coach trainer for 3. You can reach her atpeggy@freshhope.us
For some years now I have been following a fairly unpredictable and often challenging path out of long-term mental illness to discover who the ‘me’ of the 2020’s really is. With diagnoses of Bipolar II, PTSD, and a mild cognitive disorder, I have had to navigate some stormy waters. Sometimes it has been discouraging, such as when I had to quit a job I had been doing well for five years due to some cognitive impairment issues that began to affect my performance. These times can appear bleak and I have had to work hard on my mindset, refusing to lose hope, and believing that the best is still yet to come.
I am learning about how I can resist and even reverse cognitive decline, and find ways of growing my mind to be healthy and hopeful. Sometimes I wish this particular battle of mine was finished, or better yet that I didn’t have it in the first place. However, I am finding that struggle in itself can act like a muscle of transformation which grows when we refuse to surrender and give up.
What I have been learning about developing a growth mindset is very exciting and this is in no small part to what neuroscience is discovering about the inner workings of the brain. One of the most exciting discoveries is that the brain is far more able to adapt and change in our older years than was once thought possible. The term to describe this is ‘neuroplasticity,’ and very simply put, it is the ability of parts of the brain to continue to grow and change as we age, through deliberate use. Sometimes these changes become permanent and sometimes they disappear when the activity stops.
This plasticity applies to the brain’s information pathways, which move and create something akin to ‘highways of thoughts’ that can pass from one part of the brain to another. They connect our thoughts, emotions, logic and reasoning in such a way to trigger physical responses in our body. With practice, we can actually build new healthy ‘highways’ for good thoughts to pass along, whilst digging up the old, negative ones.
The Bible actually calls this process ‘repentance,’ or literally ‘changing the mind.’ Paul uses a clothing analogy as an illustration in Ephesians 4:22-24. Here he commands the Ephesians to put off their old self, be renewed in the spirit of their minds, and to put on the new self, “created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” God offers us an exchange: our stinky rags for his rich, royal garments. God always has special clothes for special people, such as the Old Testament priests and kings, and as God’s “royal priesthood” (1 Peter 2:9), so do we.
The challenge we face though is taking those old, familiar, and comfortable clothes (old ways of thinking) off and leaving them in the trash. Sometimes our new clothes, (renewed thinking), can feel uncomfortable, and the familiarity of the old continues to draw us back. With trauma responses, our thoughts can be so ingrained and unconscious that we don’t even recognise them until we get some assistance. It is remarkable to realise our thinking affects the very structures of our brain, as well as the chemicals within it, and the feelings that go with those chemicals. As a believer, it can be helpful to interrupt our old thought patterns when we recognise them by saying, “I am not a beggar anymore who wears rags. I am a child of the King and I choose to think like royalty today by putting on my new clothes.”
As a practical example from my own life, for the longest time I believed I was a failure. It was hard for me to live up to the academic achievements of my brothers, who both became medical doctors.I was the youngest, and I felt the pressure and the criticism of bringing up the rear. Little hurtful comments said in the heat of the moment further compounded my sense of failure. I couldn’t do anything to earn this kind of academic approval and so I stopped trying to get it.
When I became a Christian at the age of 16, I began to have my mind washed and cleansed with the Word of God, and in this process I was taking off my old rags and putting on royal garments of salvation (Isaiah 61:10). As I realised how powerful a lie “I am a failure” was in my life, and how it often stopped me trying anything new because I was afraid, I asked God to speak His truth and I began to search for it in the Bible. I heard Him speak to me one day, “You are not a failure. You are my child and I love you unconditionally. I fearfully and wonderfully made you in your mother’s womb and I chose you since before the beginning of time. I accept you and receive you. Don’t be afraid, for I am with you and I will help you.”
There was tremendous power in those words of truth and I could find various Bible verses that backed them up. So, instead of holding onto the limiting belief “I am a failure,” I was able to take it off and replace it with something far more encouraging and life-giving. And to do this, I would repeat regularly as a prayer affirmation, “I renounce the lie that I am a failure, and I announce the truth that I am a child of God; I am loved unconditionally; I am accepted and received by my God. I am not afraid because God is with me and He will help me.” I have written and spoken these kinds of prayer affirmations many times as I continue to seek to grow in my new identity.
The amazing thing I have found, as I have learnt more about the brain, is that there are so many things going on inside my body, my soul, and my spirit that are all interconnected. Old highways of thinking were being replaced with new healthier ones in my physical brain. My go-to thinking was being changed as I spent time thinking and praying about who I was in Christ. My soul was energised with truth from the living and active Word of God and I began to believe that failure was not my destiny at all. I was speaking the life changing truth that was bringing me out of a restricting poverty into freedom and a royal inheritance. And I began to worship with thoughts that were good and liberating, which in turn released “feel good” chemicals in my brain. God loves it when our minds are filled with true thoughts about Him, ourselves and others, as that is how He created us to be.
In the midst of taking off my old thinking and putting on the new I still need to take some medications to keep chemicals in my brain at levels that allow me to grow in a consistent way. I still need to exercise to release good chemicals into my brain that help me live a more positive life. And I still ask God to heal me. The fight isn’t over, and yet I am really encouraged that I can play my part in taking off the old clothes, thought by thought, and putting on the new royal garments of praise and salvation.
And this is my belief for each one of you too, and those you love and care for. God invites you to walk into your inheritance step by step with His Word and Spirit to help you and guide you. Maybe today, the thing you most need to hear is, “Well done, good and faithful servant. I am with you always. Don’t be afraid. I will give you strength for today. Come and rest in me and listen to My voice as I sing over you with songs of joy.” May you be encouraged that though the journey may be hard God is with you, and His Spirit is within you, and that as He helps your thinking change so can your feelings and brain change too.
Mark lives in Niagara Falls, Canada with his wife, Janet. They have 5 children and a dog and enjoy exercise, public speaking, and motivating others. They have walked through many years of navigating mental illness and its effects on their marriage, their children, and pretty much every aspect of their lives. Through Living Well Coaching, their desire is to connect people to Jesus’ unlimited resources, and help them build resilient, healthy, and fruitful lives that glorify God and reach their full potential. You can follow them on social media: INSTAGRAM @livingwellcoaching; FACEBOOK livingwellcoachingniagara or their website Livingwellcoaching.ca
When it comes to Bipolar awareness, it seems to me that many people don’t want to know anything more than that I’m not going to freak out, embarrass them or do something dangerous that could hurt myself or others. The truth is, I want to know the same thing about people, and even the pets, in my life—“You’re not going to hurt me, right?” is the question I want to be answered most. I don’t intend to be reductive, but most people have their problems and don’t have the resources to process my mood disorder. I get it. I don’t have the time or even the capability to be mindful of every possible disorder, deadly cancer or threat to humanity on every day of the year. Therefore, I think Bipolar Awareness Day probably is not so much about eliminating Bipolar stigma as it is a day dedicated to people like my wife, family or friends who have chosen to love me and walk alongside me as a part of my team. Maybe Bipolar Awareness Day is a day for you, too—you’ve gotten this far into a blog post with an intentionally niche title, for goodness sake. So, perhaps a Bipolar Awareness Day would be most beneficial for us. Cool.
There are a handful of things I find valuable to remember as I consider my Bipolar disorder journey in 2024. Here’s a short list:
The Gift: I need to remember to be aware that in the first five years after diagnosis, while I learned to manage my health, I felt like being sick with Bipolar disorder was a disgrace. But over those early years, I began to experience Bipolar disorder as a gift from God slowly. The gift of my “disgraceful” mental illness was that God guided me to reach the end of myself, to reach desperation that caused me to reach for Jesus—a gift.
The Angles: Ongoing awareness of Bipolar disorder reminds me that I could not depend on myself—my moods and actions were undisciplined and, sadly, wildly unpredictable. So my wife, Kariann, and I sought out a marvelous Christian counseling and psychiatric team to help me begin to bring my mind, body and spirit to a healthy place. Our team taught us that the best practice for wholeness was treating my sickness from each necessary angle—mind, body and spirit. They helped me realize that my health wasn’t only about belief in Jesus and prayer. My health wasn’t only about a consistent dedication to medication. Nor was achieving good health going to be about my diet and exercise only. And my health certainly was not going to be about doing things to self-medicate. Instead, achieving the health of my mind, body and spirit would take a lifestyle of slowly adjusting and refining aspects within all these areas. It would take a holistic approach to a new process that started with depending on Jesus, not myself.
The Process: I couldn’t just say I “believed” in Jesus. Nor could I just know of Jesus or know things about Him. I had to become “disgracefully dependent” upon Him as my king and friend. I had to dedicate my life to changing my thoughts about a relationship with Jesus. Follow my logic: Instead of believing that Jesus would solve everything, I realized managing Bipolar disorder required Jesus’ involvement. In other words, I trusted Jesus through the process of diagnosis, the introduction of doctors and medications, the addition of exercise and modifications to my diet. I trusted Jesus would use the process to guide me into health, not save me from the process to heal me. Sure, Jesus could do what He wanted in my story. He could heal me, but He didn’t. Instead, Jesus was much more interested in the journey/process to get me to a healthy and whole destination.
The Tools: When I realized that God was using the process to move me toward health, I started looking for the tools He created for me to use. I needed handles to grab. I have always believed that Jesus did not want me to wave off the tools as unnecessary or unspiritual. I thought He intended me to hold the handles He put in front of my face. The Christian faith has always been about healing the mind, body and spirit in concert. That means doctors, scientists and pastors are all working to achieve the same ends in an ideal world. That also means people were to use tools like doctors, medication, counseling, exercise, and spiritual disciplines to gain wholeness. I approached my awareness of Bipolar disorder in this way—to use all the tools Jesus made available boldly.
The Awareness: I understood that health was the outcome when I pursued Jesus as a way of life—a way of worship. I became aware that I could replicate Jesus’ lifestyle of worship by using His processes and tools. I knew that a lifestyle of worshiping Jesus required “spirit and truth.” So, regarding the process and tools, I would not eliminate truth to act like I was spiritual. Nor was I going to destroy my belief in Jesus to follow the science/“truth.” I have always benefited from a mindset that favored a lifestyle of worship—the benefit has been a hopeful awareness of eternal adventure that has put my sickness in context and kept me grounded in reality/truth.
Life has always been dangerous for me and others when I do what is good by acting like a god. Eventually, I became tired of flirting with hopelessness in the course of living an out-of-control life by being my own “god.” Sure, I was a man who had Bipolar disorder. And sure, I would never have become the idealized, indestructible, godlike action hero who saved everyone—I couldn’t save myself, let alone live out my values consistently. Ultimately, Jesus Christ, the Great Hero, used Bipolar disorder as a gift that guided me into a new life. Bipolar disorder helped me understand that I could not only “believe in Jesus.”—Belief was only the starting line, not the finish line. I chose a lifestyle of worship where I submitted to His processes and used the tools that brought health to mind, body and spirit. And that is what I want everyone to be aware of on Bipolar Awareness Day 2024. Maybe you need to take a moment to become aware or to simply remember that you are aware that it is time to use your “gift.” Choose to use Jesus’ processes and tools. Then let your story of health and wholeness as a result of your worship and the “gift” God has given you become a gift to others.
“Your mess is your message.”—Al Egg, former Chaplin for the Portland Trailblazers
Scott and Kariann Box live in Redmond, Oregon. Scott serves as Pastor of Development at Shiloh Ranch Church and has been a worship leader for over twenty-five years. Kariann works as a Realtor in Central Oregon and supports Scott’s…creative spirit. They have two children, a one-hundred-pound Labradoodle and a four-pound Shih Tzu without teeth. Scott is the author of HEROIC DISGRACE: Order out of chaos. Hope out of fear. ― A Worship Hero Story
Waiting on the Lord is always a good idea. This can be particularly true during challenging periods in our lives. This was particularly true for me roughly twenty years ago.
In large part due to my undiagnosed mental health conditions, the working world had long been challenging for me. This was an obstacle that reached its ugly apex after I lost two jobs in less than two years. (I explained how depression can wreak havoc in the workplace in my Voices of Hope presentation earlier this month.)
Unsure what to do next, I leaned on the Lord like never before. Jeremiah 29:11 states, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope” (NKJV). I memorized this scripture and recited it to myself each day. “At home, at the grocery store, in the car, wherever I was, the more I thought about the verse, the more I believed it and the better I felt,” as I wrote in my book, Climbing out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness.
The book of Proverbs (3:5-6) provided another hopeful scripture that I committed to memory. The part about “lean not on your own understanding” particularly caught my eye because, in terms of jobs, clearly leaning on “my understanding” was not working very well.
I should note this was a period of unemployment unlike any other in my life. Not only out of work for months, at age 43 I was now utterly directionless, like a ship without a rudder. The Lord had slowly been revealing to me that there was something going on beyond just the job itself that was causing many of my problems. As part of this soul-seeing, sometimes gut-wrenching process, I finally sought counseling, which led to a diagnosis of “depression and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.”
After being prescribed a useful prescription, I began feeling better. And BETTER. So much so that, even though I was still out of work, I was overcome with joy about the simplest things. My wife. The great weather. (It was early summer). Music had always enjoyed, but never like this! What an aha moment!
Finally, after eight months of unemployment, I accepted a position as editor at a Christian newsletter publishing company. It was a job I held for fourteen years, much longer than I held any previous job. I loved my work and the people there. What a giant blessing.
The moral of the story: If you are reading this and struggling, do not ever give up! God has not forgotten you. There IS a plan – you just don’t know what it is yet!
Mike Jacquart is an author and retired editor who enjoys sharing his story of “pushing through” on blog posts, podcasts, and other presentations. For more information, contact him at madjac@tds.net.
I’ve had a Gratitude Journal for over 10 years – just a little 5”x8” spiral notebook where I started writing down daily blessings.
2013
I started in January. For that month, I recorded 6 times. So clearly not a daily habit!
In February, I read a daily devotional called Choosing Gratitude – Abounding in Thanksgiving, and I took notes in this same journal, writing down Scripture verses about thanking God for what I was learning. I wrote for 7 days.
I recorded 3 times in March.
I picked the devotional back up in April and wrote once, before I was distracted by a different book about gratitude. In April, I read Ann Voskamp’s 1000 Gifts. I was challenged by her practice of recording daily blessings – writing down the things that bring us joy – gifts from God that point us to His grace and generosity. So on April 11, I began strong – 5 days in a row. Then jump to May, and I picked the journal up again, and wrote twice. Then once in August. 11 times in October, because my therapist encouraged me to try again. 8 writings in November. 3 times in December.
2014
Nothing written in January 2014. Once in February, March, and April, each. Strong again in June and July. Then nothing for 6 months…
2015
Nothing written again until February 2015, when I dug the journal out of the back of my nightstand drawer and started again. On and off through November.
August 2017- August 2022
No gratitude recorded for all of 2016 – didn’t start again until August of 2017. 1 ½ years without recording my thankfulness! But then I did pretty well in 2018 – 2022, at least several times per month, sometimes weeks in a row!
There were a few “tricks” I discovered:
having the journal handy, not letting it get buried by books on my nightstand, or pushed off to the side; for a while, I kept it next to my bathroom sink, where I’d write in it when I was done brushing my teeth at night.
not requiring myself to write several things – just one was ok.
it doesn’t have to be daily (though that might be best) – but consistency is important.
But life gets messy, my nightstand gets messy, and the journal was relegated to the far-right corner, away from my pillow. And there it sat for all of 2023. Nothing recorded. Again.
2024
I’m writing in my Gratitude Journal these days. I dug it out and put it next to my chair at the kitchen counter – where I sit to do my Quiet Time, eat my lunch, make my phone calls. It’s often in my way – which is a good thing! Then I write in it!
*****
So why is this important?
Because expressing gratitude is known to be an excellent deterrent to depression and anxiety (Nicola Petrocchi & Alessandro Couyoumdijian, 2015; Iodice, Malouff, Schutte 2021, among many others). A person can’t express gratitude and have an attitude of depression/anxiety in a simultaneous moment! The heart can’t hold both at the exact same time. One gives over to the other, even if just for the few seconds it takes to write down thanksgiving in a notebook.
God tells us to be thankful: “…give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (I Thess 5:18) It’s God’s will for us! You want to know what God wants from you? For one thing, He wants you to be thankful!
Gratitude to God for what He’s given us reminds us of who He is: He’s our Provider (Phil 4:19), our Sustainer (Psalm 54:4), the Giver of All Good Gifts (James 1:17).
Obviously, I’m not the expert at recording daily gratitude. But I’m trying. And I know that when I focus on God’s blessings to me, even the littlest thing (something as small as noticing the bee on the bloom), it lifts my eyes to Him, puts my focus back on Him, reminds me of His love and care for me.
So I’ll keep trying. Keep writing. Keep thanking.
(Side note: at some point, I went back to the very beginning of my journal and started numbering each gratitude I’d recorded. My goal is 1000, like in Ann Voskamp’s book. I’m currently at 859.)
Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for 5 years and as the Hope Coach trainer for 3. You can reach her atpeggy@freshhope.us
Do you struggle with your mental health and have a difficult time in getting the people you know to be more understanding? In some cases, your friends and family members could give you a hard time regarding your anxieties and fears.
As a result, here are eight suggestions on how to deal with the people you know regarding your mental health issues.
1. Listen to the professionals and not your friends: Your peers may mean well, but when it comes down to it, the professionals are aware of your circumstances more than anyone. A counselor knows what you are going through and can help you deal with your problems. When you have questions about your mental health, consult with a therapist.
2. Don’t argue with others: It is important that you do not get into arguments with those who are giving you a rough time. Your number one priority is to get relief from your anxieties. It is not your job to worry about how others may view your circumstances. Your health is more important than what other people may think.
3. Your goal is to get better: Concentrate on how you can face your fears and anxieties. Don’t waste your time arguing with your colleagues who are giving you a difficult time. This isn’t a public relations event where you need to get approval from everyone. This is your life and you are the one suffering. Your main focus is to get better.
4.Ask your friends to learn about your situation: Explain to your peers that the best way for them to help you is to learn about your mental health issues. They could talk to a counselor, read some good books, or join a support group to better understand your situation.
5. Pick your friends wisely: Distance yourself from those who won’t make an effort to help understand what you are going through. You need to surround yourself with positive and supportive people. If you have problems or issues with a particular person, you can always ask a counselor for advice.
6.You are not alone: It can be very frustrating to manage your fear related issues when the people you know are on your case. Remember, you are not alone. There are millions of people around the world who struggle with their fears, anxieties, and depression.
7.Attend a mental health support group: There are many mental health awareness support groups in your area. Many hospitals, churches, and counselors in your area will be able to provide you with a list of these organizations. These groups will be aware of your situation and can give you additional advice regarding your problems.
8.You can’t manage your anxieties all by yourself: Your fears, anxieties, and depression can be difficult to manage and more than likely you will need some direction. Many people think that they can overcome their mental health problems on their own. This is a mistake. A person should seek assistance to start the recovery process.
Stan is the author of “A Layman’s Guide to Managing Fear” which will help you discover a variety of techniques that can drastically improve your mental health. For more information, please visit Stan’s website at http://www.managingfear.com
