A new study came out in late September. I have not been able to put it down.
Sapien Labs surveyed 264,085 adults worldwide. They asked how often people use AI chatbots, what they use them for, and how they are doing mentally.
I should say up front: I use AI myself. Almost every day. So I was not out looking for bad news about it.
The main finding, in one line
A little AI helps. A lot of AI hurts.
People who use AI a few days a week scored better on mental health than people who barely use AI at all.
People who use AI every day scored much worse — worse than the folks who hardly touch it.
It is the same with food. The same with rest. The same with work. Good up to a point, and harmful beyond that.
Young adults fall the hardest
As people went from moderate AI use to constant AI use, those aged 18 to 24 dropped 25.1 points on the study’s mental health scale.
People 65 and older dropped 7.5 points.
The same chatbot. Completely different result.
And young adults use AI more than anyone. Four in ten young adults are on AI several times a day or more.
The researchers say why. Young adults already had lower mental health and less resilience before AI ever came along.
Now add a mental health diagnosis on top of that lower starting point.
The pattern that worries me most
The study split AI users into two groups.
People using AI to think — to write, plan, learn, or solve something.
And people using AI for company — as a friend, for emotional support, for someone to talk to.
The more someone uses AI, the more likely that person is using AI as a friend.
Among people who rarely use AI, 1 in 5 use AI for company.
Among people who use AI constantly, more than half do.
And the people using AI for company scored lower on mental health than everyone else in the study. No matter how often they used AI. Even the ones who barely used it.
The part I almost left out
I want you to hear this one, even though it is hard.
The problems that rose the most with heavy AI use were not depression and anxiety. That is what I expected, and that is not what they found.
They found confusion and slowed thinking. Unwanted thoughts a person cannot shut off. Trouble controlling emotions.
And doctors have begun publishing cases of people who spent long hours in deep, emotional conversation with AI, and whose delusional thinking got worse during that time.
Some people are calling this “AI psychosis.” That name is not official, and it claims more than anyone has proven. Nobody has shown that AI caused it. The study does not say that, and I will not say it either.
What we do not know yet
This study is a snapshot, not a long look over years. It cannot tell us which came first — whether heavy AI use wears people down, or whether people already worn down reach for AI more. The researchers think it is both, feeding each other. They say they will keep tracking it. So will I.
What comes next
That is the hard part, and I am not going to leave you sitting in it.
Part 2 is about the one thing AI cannot do, and where to find what it cannot give you.
Part 3 is for the people who love someone with a mental health challenge, and for pastors and church leaders.
In Part 1, I wrote about a study of 264,085 adults that found something simple. A little AI helps. A lot of AI hurts. And the people using AI for company — as a friend — scored worse than everyone else in the study.
This part is for you, if you are the one living with a mental health challenge.
I am not going to shame you for using AI. I know what it is to want someone who listens at two in the morning and never gets tired of you.
I have been on the wrong side of my own thinking. If you have been there too, you already know how dangerous a voice that agrees with everything can be.
The one thing AI cannot do
An AI that always agrees with you is not a friend. It is a mirror with a nice voice.
And here is what that mirror cannot do.
AI cannot tell when you are getting sick.
My wife can tell. My doctor can tell. The people in my group can tell. They see my symptoms before I do, because they knew me last month. The chatbot did not know me last month.
Being agreed with is not the same as being known
Being known only happens person to person. One human being with another. Someone who saw you last month and will see you again next month. Someone who notices when you go quiet. Someone you cannot perform for, because they already know you too well.
AI cannot do that. Only people can do that.
And you don’t have to find it all in one place. You build it piece by piece. Hope tends to show up where people already are. Here are three places to start.
A hobby you do alongside other people. Painting. Woodworking. A choir. A bowling league. A walking group. You are not going there to talk about your mental health. You are going there to be a regular face in a regular room. Being a regular face matters more than most people think.
A group at your church. A Bible study. A men’s group or a women’s group. A serving team. People who will notice when you are not there on Sunday and say something about it.
A Fresh Hope group. This is the one place where you do not have to explain yourself first. Everyone in that room either lives with a mental health challenge or loves someone who does. You can say the hard thing out loud, and nobody flinches. That is what peer-to-peer support is, and it’s why Fresh Hope exists.
You need all three if you can. Start with one.
Two things to do this week
Set some boundaries on your own AI use. Decide ahead of time what you take to a person and what you take to an app. Then hold the line.
And put people on the calendar first. Not whatever is left over after the screen gets its time. The same folks, a regular night, face to face. That is how belonging gets built. There is no shortcut to it.
Three questions
1. How often do you use AI? Several days a week looked fine in this study. Several times a day did not.
2. What do you use AI for? To think, or for company? Be honest with yourself.
3. Who is your two-in-the-morning person? If you cannot name a real person with a heartbeat, that is what to go fix. Do not fix the app. Fix that.
Use AI to think. Don’t use AI to feel less alone.
If you need a place to start, find a Fresh Hope group. Real people who understand what you are carrying. FreshHope.us.
You can live well in spite of a mental health challenge. But you cannot do it alone.
Part 3 is for the people who love you, and for pastors and church leaders. It is posted today.
Part 1 laid out what the study found. Part 2 was for the person living with a mental health challenge.
This one is for the rest of us. The people standing around them.
If you love someone who lives with a mental health challenge
Start with yourself. Model it.
If your own face is in your phone all evening, nothing you say about theirs will land. Let them watch you call a friend. Let them watch you leave the house to go be with people. Show them what being in a relationship with other people looks like, instead of being in a relationship with a screen.
Then do not take their phone away. You will lose the conversation.
Ask a better question instead: “Who have you talked to this week?”
Someone reaching for a chatbot is lonely, not foolish.
And then do the simplest thing of all. Take them with you.
Take them for a walk. Take them along to coffee with your friends. Take them to church, or to the hardware store, or wherever you were already going.
Put the two of you somewhere other people are, where a conversation will happen on its own.
You are not trying to fix them. You are handing them a real person to talk to. That is the one thing their phone cannot hand them.
If you are a pastor or a church leader
Some of the people in your pews are getting their counsel from AI this week.
Not because you failed them. Because AI is free, and AI is awake at three in the morning.
So talk about it. Out loud. From the pulpit, from your teaching podium, and in your small groups.
AI is here. AI is not going away. And you cannot stick your head in the sand about it.
Your people are already using AI every day. If the church says nothing about AI, your people will assume the church has nothing to say about it — and they will keep sorting it out alone, with a machine.
You will never beat AI on availability. Do not try.
Beat AI on the one thing AI cannot do. Remember your people. Notice your people. Show up for your people.
One last thing
Hope is a choice. But hope is a choice we make together with other people.
That has always been true. The machines did not change it. They just made it easier to forget.
If your church does not have a place where people can be honest on a Tuesday night, something is going to fill that hole. Something already is.
What is dyscalculia, and why is it an overlooked mental health challenge? “Dyscalculia is a term used to describe specific learning disabilities that affect a child’s ability to understand, learn, and perform math and number-based operations,” according to the Child Mind Institute. “It’s estimated that between 5 and 7 percent of elementary-age children may have dyscalculia. As well as dyscalculia, disorders like dyslexia, visual or auditory processing, ADHD, and others can also impact a child’s ability to accurately complete math problems.” I should point out these challenges can affect both youth and adults.
I first learned about dyscalculia from Marina London, a licensed clinical social worker who served as editorial consultant for my book Climbing Out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness. In it, I described the good grades I got in college – with the exception of algebra. I wrote, “Why did I have so much trouble ‘connecting the dots’ in math?” mentioning that my sister also struggled with this subject when she was in school.
I had three tutors and I know I tried their patience just to earn a passing grade in College Algebra 101. They were perplexed at my inability to understand their instructions. “Don’t you get that, Mike?” they’d ask. I’d shake my head and say, “No. I’m sorry, I don’t.”
Math involves progressing from one step to the next, and when you don’t understand how the different steps work to arrive at an answer, it’s like being stuck in mud. This trying experience in my early twenties was like revisiting the horrors of my middle school days when I failed the subject and my math teacher told me I should not pursue this subject in high school. My difficulties in algebra affected my shaky self-esteem since it was a required course for obtaining a bachelor’s degree. I wondered if I needed to abandon this pursuit.”
But I was able to conquer my fears. I recalled how overjoyed I was when my hard work and patient tutors paid off and I earned a C in algebra. I was prouder of that C than many of the As and Bs I received in college!
Later, as an older adult, the specific issue was no longer algebra, but I still had a hard time completing math problems that were easy for many of my peers. I wondered why I still struggled so much in this area. Marina had a possible answer, which I believe was the correct one.
“It sounds like you and your sister may have both had a learning difficulty/disability such as dyscalculia and you may also have had a touch of a visual spatial processing issue. Impossible to know without specialized testing, she wrote.
“Baby Boomers did not receive much help with these problems whereas a child with these issues today would be referred for an educational assessment and special ed services if needed,” Marina added. Sadly, this was all too true. A harsh statement from a teacher like, “You’re not trying hard enough” was the predominant thinking when I grew up in the 1960s and 1970s. A poor grade sometimes meant staying in for recess, even though the teacher usually left you to figure out math problems on your own. “How was I supposed to correct my work when I got it wrong the first time?” I wrote in my book. If I struggled that much in math, and may have had an undiagnosed learning disability, perhaps this post can help a child or adult who be facing some of these same issues. The reader can learn more about dyscalculia at https://childmind.org/article/how-to-spot-dyscalculia/
Like math, driving also involves understanding how to get from one step (starting at one location) to the next. This is sometimes referred to as someone having “a poor sense of direction.” I wondered if the two could be related? After doing some research, it turns out that dyscalculia can pose problems in areas other than math.
Driving a car may seem simple, but it involves a lot of cognitive processes, A person with dyscalculia may have difficulty concentrating and be easily distracted. There may be issues with sequencing, making it difficult to put information in the right order. The person may struggle to understand and read signs. There may also be problems with visual memory. Perhaps that explains why I have difficulty remembering how to drive from one given point to another unless I’ve driven the same route many times. I may still forget the route if I have not driven it in a while.
Since each of these areas is important in safely driving a vehicle, it is easy to see how someone with a neurological disorder like dyscalculia would have a much more difficult time driving than a non-affected driver. I even read that some people suffering from this affliction will try to avoid driving completely. But this is nearly impossible in rural areas like where I live that lack public transportation.
Driving requires so much concentration that I will find any excuse possible to avoid a road trip longer than 100 miles. Who wants to admit this reluctance to a male friend when we are supposedly the gender that are the better drivers. I even have friends who can safely drive over 500 miles and without a break! And yet, when I was in my early twenties, I thought that I was destined to live and work in a large city. With problems like the ones I spoke of, I am grateful God had other plans for my life! I live happily with my wife in a village of just over 1,000, and I seldom have to drive to (or in) a city larger than 70,000. Even then, I’m probably with another person who can spell me at the wheel. When longer trips are unavoidable, thank goodness for airplanes!
In addition, in this disturbing day and age, I am grateful that I live in a quiet, peaceful community free from the traffic, noise, and other distractions I’d have in a large city.
Driving can still prove difficult, but God is always there for guidance. Proverbs 3: 5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. And lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and He shall direct your paths.”
Here is an example. Journalists are often asked to cover fires, automobile accidents, and other mishaps. As a result, in my first reporting job out of college, I knew I needed to become familiar with the local roads. I jumped in my car on a fall afternoon. I didn’t mind not knowing where I was driving at first, but when it started getting dark and I couldn’t remember how to get back to town, I was scared and said a quick prayer. Within minutes, I saw a sign for one of the few highways I was familiar with. I knew how to get back! I sighed and took a deep breath.
And yet, over time I’ve learned to take heart in my shortcomings. Romans 5:3-4a states. “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us – they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us.”
Indeed they do. In summary, while depression, anxiety and even a potentially undiagnosed disorder like dyscalculia can prove difficult, as I am thankful for where I live and what I’ve learned in overcoming challenges.
No one reading this post should consider any of the information presented as a substitute for professional advice or consultation. Diagnosis of a behavioral disorder requires a thorough assessment, one that only a licensed specialized professional is qualified to make.
Mike Jacquart is the author of “Climbing Out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness,” available online at https://www.amazon.com/Climbing-out-Darkness-Personal-Wellness/dp/B0BQ58KJH4. He dedicates this post to his late Fresh Hope cofacilitator, Mike Gutho. A retired magazine editor, Mike enjoys sharing his story of “pushing through” on blog posts, podcasts, and other presentations. For more information, contact him at michaeljacquart8@gmail.com.
I lay face-down on the massage table, and settle my head into the round pad. I feel the tears come, as if the change in my position brings them forward; I try to squeeze them back. This massage is only ½ hour long – I don’t have time to deal with all of these emotions coming to the surface.
The massage is #5 of 6 – ½ hour each to help relieve the spasm and tension that has been my left shoulder-blade’s constant companion for months. Weeks of physical therapy brought no relief. Nor did dry-needling nor trigger point injections. Chiropractic is already a regular part of my routine, but it’s not going to do anything to fix the damage to my cervical vertebrae – stenosis, arthritis, degenerative disc disease. That’s one cause for the tears – the pain, and the realization that pain management is all I can do.
A second cause for tears? Saying good-bye to my son after his visit over the holiday weekend. I love him (and his sister) so much, but he lives in IL, while I’m in CO. We just don’t get to see him often enough! Will I ever not cry when saying good-bye to family?
Third reason for tears – recalling two years ago today, when my daughter and son-in-law got married. (Happy anniversary!) The memories are beautiful – the day was beautiful – the bride was beautiful! Such a special celebration, and I wish we lived closer to them so that we could reminisce in person, and go through the photo albums together. But again, they live across the country, and visits just aren’t as frequent as I’d like.
More thoughts that bring tears: my aging parents, and living far from them, and from my sister and her family; the possibility of rehoming our cats; the frustration at not knowing the summer’s details; the reduction in medication that I’ve been on for 14 years. Given that last one, of course I’m sad! The psych nurse said to give myself a full two weeks on the new dose before I decide if I should even be coming off the med. I’ve been on it for so long, it’s going to take a while for my body to adjust to the new levels. Gotta cut myself some slack – it’s only been 5 days.
So, as I lay here, and I fight the tears, and the memories, and the feeling-sorry-for-myself, I cry out to God. “Please, Lord, don’t let me cry in front of my massage therapist! Help me replace these sad thoughts.” And immediately, the word GRATITUTDE comes to mind.
“Yes, Lord.” And I begin to count my blessings. Face down on the table, waiting for her to come in. The result is peace, and joy, and thanksgiving.
I’m thankful for my family. I’m thankful for financial resources. I’m thankful for the brief relief I’ll feel as the therapist digs into the knots in my back and stretches my neck. I’m thankful for my home. For my new exercise routine. For finding new friends. For the opportunity to serve in ministry. Before I know it, the tears are gone, and my heart is full.
And then I remember what I often share in our Fresh Hope Support Group: the brain can’t hold gratitude thoughts and depression thoughts at the same time. Our brains can only concentrate on one thought in any given moment. So when I focused on grateful thoughts, those seemed to override the sad thoughts that were swirling though my brain.
A little Google search reveals that there are contradictory viewpoints on this – maybe we can have two thoughts at once. But I would argue that one thought is going to rise above the other(s) and be more prominent. Hence, only one thought at a time. So, gratitude can override sadness, if only for a moment.
Philippians 4:8 NIV says, “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”
Isaiah 26:3, NIV: “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!”
Want to know what to think about? Think about God! About who He is, His character, His attributes. Think about Jesus, and the love He showed to all those He encountered while He was here on earth. Think about Jesus’ gift of salvation: His death, burial, and resurrection, so that we can be restored into a right relationship with God. Think about the Holy Spirit – the Spirit of the Risen Christ (Romans 8:11) – living in us as Jesus’ followers, a gift sent to us directly from God, to help us as we journey this earth.
The same process holds true for anxious thoughts. They can be replaced with thankful ones, and while you’re thinking about blessings and expressing gratitude, the anxiety will momentarily step aside. Keep practicing, and keep the anxious thoughts away!
This is hard, though. I won’t pretend otherwise. Again, as I sometimes describe it in our Fresh Hope Support Group, the negative thoughts (sad, or anxious ones) form a kind of groove in our brains. Like a well-worn path. And, like a tire on a Conestoga wagon, our thoughts want to drop right into that rut of thinking. It’s easy, to fall into that old pattern. It takes effort – real conscious energy – to try to step out of that groove and start forming a new path. It takes practice, and repetition. And time.
I attest to the fact that the habit of practicing gratitude works. And the more I do it, the more quickly it is effective.
I encourage you…give it a try. The next time you realize that you’re thinking anxious or depressive thoughts – when you catch yourself – ask God to help you think of things to thank Him for. He will. He helps us do what He asks us to do. So when His Word tells us, like above, to think on Him and on good things, He’ll help us do that!
Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for over 6 years and as the Hope Coach Trainer for over 4 years. She can be reached at peggy@freshhope.us.
“The past is your teacher. The present is your opportunity. The future is your reward.”
Because it is such a true statement, I thought this quote by Canadian author Matashona Dhliwayo made a perfect lead-in for this topic.
In Fresh Hope: Living well in Spite of a Mental Health Diagnosis, Roy Lessin states on page 13: “But God has promised to restore the things the enemy has stolen from our lives:…”
Indeed. As I’ve read and re-read Lessin’s insightful “God is a Restorer,” I have pondered the occasions when I felt defeated in life and in my career, all the disappointments, and the good things I missed when I was wallowing in self-pity or suffering from a lack of self-esteem.
While I was not diagnosed with a mental health diagnosis until I was unemployed in my early 40s, depression and anxiety have reared their ugly heads for most of my life. When you’re a boy and not good with your hands, not coordinated enough to help fix a car, throw a football very well, or hit a baseball (at all) my school-age years were extremely hurtful. With a low self-image, I had few friends, and much of the time I was lonely, sad, and with little direction as to what I could do well. There were no aptitude tests in those days. Life was trial and error, and I mostly failed.
When I read Mr. Lessin’s “all the years of lost joy, all the times of frustration and defeat, all the moments of regret” – wow, I thought. I can sure relate! The occasional regrets about the girls I never asked out, the joy I lost over my poor social life as I never went to school dances. I also recalled the frustration and defeat over my lack of motor skills, which left me on the sideline when classmates were picking sports teams, or teasing me when I couldn’t climb a rope in gym or build a tabletop wagon in woodworking class.
After high school, and as I also wrote about in my book, Climbing Out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness, things got even worse. I had no ambition and little idea what I wanted to do in life. Completely unmotivated or passionate about anything, it was no big surprise that I was frequently out of work. Finally, with the local economy in the toilet, and inspired by the smart friends I met late in my high school years and who were doing well in college, I finally enrolled in the area community college at age 23. This proved to be the first of many steps on the road to an improved mental state. I got good grades, met new friends, and I found out I was a good writer, which was often a prequisite for college success regardless of the major one chose. I had some self-esteem at last! Later on, not aware of my undiagnosed mental health challenges, I had a lot of work problems, but I thought they were mostly just about being in the wrong job, As I said, it was many years before I sought psychiatric help.
Even today, those of us who have been diagnosed and sought help, understand we cannot do anything about some of the pain and regrets in our past. But much more importantly, Fresh Hope members believe that God will restore the things stolen from our lives. Here are just a few of the examples I could name, some of which appear in my book.
I know that my mental state and thought life are clearly better than they were in the past. I worked as a newspaper reporter for ten years, and even then, I found meeting and talking to new people difficult. I did not understand at the time that feelings of isolation and problems forming relationships are common traits of depression. Today, as the more self-confident and positive person I had longed to be back then, I can yak like a magpie in public and chat with just about anybody.
Further, advancing from reporting to editing later on proved difficult, which hurt my already shaky self-confidence and left me wondering if I should give it up and stick to writing. I was even told as much in some poor work reviews. As the ultimate restorer, God had a better plan. As it usually unfolds when God is the teacher, it takes time and patience, but I learned years later that the Almighty was at work. In 2010, ten years after being told I wasn’t good at editing, I became the editor of a magazine for an international employee assistance association. After getting past the initial jitters one has in any new endeavor, I developed positive work relationships and became friends and acquaintances with people from around the world. I even traveled to the association’s conferences in major cities in the US such as Denver, San Diego, and others! It was another BIG boost in self-esteem!
Not every second chance needs to involve something big. While in college, I had an internship at a local TV station. I was never on the air, but that was ideal because I would have been terrified to be in front of a camera. In much more recent times, I had the opportunity to chat about my published books on podcasts and local TV shows. I was not even nervous, let alone scared! I wonder how many other positive opportunities that myself – and others with a diagnosis of depression or other mental health challenge – have missed out on because it was easier to crawl into a shell than to be talkative and engaging.
But even more important than my professional life was God’s role in redeeming and restoring my unhappy and lonely personal life, especially the years of lost joy when I was single and living in an apartment. As I explained in my book, with no social media, Internet or smart phones in those days, my personal “life” was about as interesting as watching wet paint dry on a wall. I was so lonely I’d often cry myself to sleep. And yet, four years later, while out of work (again), I was invited to a Halloween party where I met the young woman who would become my wife! In probably the best example of God’s restoration in my life, the roughly thirty years of lost joy when I was terribly lonely have been replaced by more than thirty years of happiness with my wife!
While looking back to appreciate how far we’ve come can be very positive, focusing too much on the past is not a good thing either. As Pastor Brad Hoefs states, “Every day that you’re ‘stuck’ in grief and remorse, you are missing one day of living.” And so, learn from your past, take advantage of the opportunities you have today, and recognize that tomorrow will be God’s reward for following His purpose for your life.
God is a Restorer “God’s purpose is not to destroy us but to restore us. The enemy is the destroyer, but God has promised to restore the things the enemy has stolen from our lives: all the years of lost joy, all the times of frustration and defeat, all the moments of regret, all the pains of lost opportunities, all the hurts of broken relationships. God is building His kingdom with you – a kingdom of joy, love, peace, righteousness, victory, redemption, and right relationships.” – Roy Lessin
“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten – the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm – my great arm that I sent among you. You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, Who has worked wonders for you. ..”
Joel 2:25-26
Mike Jacquart is the author of “Climbing Out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness,” available online at https://www.amazon.com/Climbing-out-Darkness-Personal-Wellness/dp/B0BQ58KJH4He dedicates this post to his late Fresh Hope co-facilitator, Mike Gutho.A retired magazine editor, Mike enjoys sharing his story of “pushing through” on blog posts, podcasts, and other presentations. For more information, contact him at michaeljacquart8@gmail.com.
The ministry of Fresh Hope for Mental Health is based on 7 Recovery Principles (originally called Tenets). When we read them in our Support Group, the first paragraph is for those who have a diagnosis, the second paragraph is for the loved ones, and we all read the third paragraph and Bible verse, out loud. Here’s Number 7:
TENET VII
At times, my mental health challenge has caused me to focus only on myself and my needs, leading me to believe the lie that I don’t have much to offer to others. Therefore, because focusing on others will help me grow, I choose to give back, sharing my story with others, that my past pain might provide insights for someone else’s journey to living well.
I, too, have become focused on my loved one’s situation and how it has affected me. I can easily become so consumed by our issues that I fail to see those around me who would benefit from what I’ve learned. Therefore, I choose to give back by seeking opportunities to help others by sharing my insights and experiences.
Together we recognize that sharing helps both us and others heal. Sharing helps us find our voice and becomes empowering as we see our pain redeemed by the Lord. As we share, it helps reaffirm our own hope while also giving hope away to others.
“(The Lord) helps us in all our troubles, so that we are able to help others who have all kinds of troubles, using the same help that we ourselves have received from God.” — 2 Corinthians 1:4 (Good News Translation)
This is the last of the Recovery Principles, and maybe that’s because it’s kind of like a final step.
Now don’t get me wrong – these Tenets are not designed as stepping stones. It’s not the same format as, say AA, where you complete Step One, then move on to Step Two, complete it and move to Step Three, etc. No, these are all different understandings about living with a mental health challenge – either personally, or loving someone who does – and Fresh Hope encourages us to work on one, or several, or all of them, in our journey to living a healthy life while walking the mental health path.
But to me, there’s something special about Tenet 7. It’s almost as if a person on a mental health journey needs to be far enough down the path to even realize that there are others in the world! Let me explain.
When I went through my 10+ years’ journey with severe depression and anxiety, there were times when I was unaware that my behaviors, moods, thoughts and actions were affecting others. Some call it “navel-gazing,” or selfish, and I supposed it is. Maybe living with a mental health challenge, particularly in its darkest times, is by nature self-focused. I mean, just dealing with the lack of desire to get out of bed, let alone engage with people in the workplace, was exhausting, and sometimes impossible. This is true for anxiety, too. When my brain was spinning with fear and worry and stress, it was very hard to see anyone around me, because I was so lost in my own thoughts.
But:
As I began to get better, and began to lift my head and look around and see the people in my life, I realized that there was more to this mental health journey than just me.
And:
I remembered that, in some of my darkest days, I had begged God to not waste my experience. That somehow, some way, He would use my mental health struggles for my good and His glory.
Then:
God brought me to Fresh Hope, where I found a place that I could live my honest mental health journey, and it was a safe place to share my story. No one judged me – they actually understood, because they had lived a mental health challenge themselves. I was able to open up, find comfort and encouragement. I became braver, sharing more, offering insights from my own experience with others who were going through tough times. Not as advice, but as my own story: “When I went through something similar, this is what I did.” And others did the same for me. So together we grew and learned and were affirmed.
That’s what I mean when I say it’s like a final step. In the depths of my own depression and anxiety, I was too self-consumed to see others around me who were hurting, or needed encouragement. I probably wasn’t able to live out Tenet 7. I wasn’t well enough.
But neither did I have to be completely well to begin to practice Tenet 7. Just well enough to be able to see others in my life.
There are many verses in God’s Word that deal with this idea of giving back. Of course, the verse right under Tenet VII above, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
But other verses talk about how we, as members of the Body of Christ, can help each other. (italics mine)
Matthew 10:8 – “Freely you have received; freely give.”
Galatians 6:2 – “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Romans 15:1-2 – “We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up.”
Colossians 3:13 – “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
I Thessalonians 5:11a – “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up…”
Hebrews 10:24-25 – “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
Hebrews 3:13a – “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘Today’…”
Romans 15:4-5 – “For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had…”
Ephesians 4:29 – “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Proverbs 12:25 – “Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.”
I know personally, I have grown and healed in my mental health journey, as I have shared my story and served others in the world of mental health. I’ve had opportunities through Fresh Hope, but there are so many ways to give back.
I recently learned of an old friend who started an organization called The Little Heart Project – they crochet small hearts and attach hopeful and encouraging messages and leave them all over the world (!), as a way to prevent suicide, “one crocheted heart at a time.” I have another friend who teaches other women about who God says we are in Him, among other topics (does anyone else journal?), at various women’s events. My dearest friend is always making meals for someone – either in her church, or someone she met at the gym – just whoever has a need.
What if you’re not ready to talk to people yet? Well, what about walking dogs at the local animal shelter? Or volunteering for a shift at the local food bank, just taking supplies off the truck and organizing them for the pantries?
What can YOU do, to give back, even in the current mental health place you are in – right now? Do you trust that God will lead you to more ways to reach out, eventually to share your story, as you are able? Ask Him. He’ll lead you, as He equips you.
Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for over 6 years and as the Hope Coach Trainer for over 4 years. She can be reached at peggy@freshhope.us.
I’ve just zipped up my suitcase; our flight leaves tomorrow afternoon.
I’ve spent the last several days throwing things I might want to take on the bed in the spare bedroom. Today, I did the laundry, so I’d have all my clothes to choose from. We’ve traveled enough that I have a pretty thorough packing list, but I still have to go through the list and choose…my list is different if I’m traveling to the Midwest for Christmas versus if we’re headed to the warm sandy beaches of the Sunshine State!
It made me think of my mental health journey, and the things I took along the way. My trip was long – over ten years of repeated episodes of major depression and its companion, anxiety. Some things I started my journey with, some things were added as I traveled along the mental health path, and some things got discarded when they became unnecessary.
I started my mental health crisis with fear and overwhelming sadness.
I was afraid of the future, of what my life would become when my children were heading to college, and I was left with an empty nest. In many ways, I pre-grieved. My oldest was just entering high school, and my youngest middle school, and I was already dreading the days when I would say good-bye to them in the college dorm parking lot! That was the fear – the anxiety: looking ahead and anticipating the worst-case scenarios, mulling them over and over.
The sadness came from depression – from looking back, and dwelling there. I’d moved back to a town we’d lived in 3 years prior, and it felt like everything was different. My church, my friends, my neighborhood (of course). I changed medical plans and had a new doctor. My dentist had retired, so I had to find a new one. The only thing that was the same was my hair stylist, but even there, it was different – she had started her own business, so the location and coworkers were different. I grieved the old relationships, the old ways, old patterns. It took me a long time to accept and move forward.
Along my depression journey, I picked up a fantastic Christian therapist. Week after week, he would listen to me as I poured out my confusion, and then he would put it all in order and give it back to me, so that I could make sense of all that I was feeling. He continually pointed me back to Christ, and back to my husband. He helped me confront lies that depression told me, things like: I’m not good enough, I will never have close friends again, I have no purpose outside of motherhood… He reminded me that I am first and foremost a child of God – that is my identity. My identity is not as a mom, nor as an old friend, but as a precious redeemed child of the King!
I picked up some new ways of thinking, through the work we did in his office. He taught me that even though those thoughts were in my head – I could hear them, and they sure sounded like my voice! – they were actually lies that depression was telling me. He helped me begin to see depression as something outside of myself, almost like a creature perched on my shoulder – separate from me – and whispering these lies in my ear. As Pastor Brad says in the Fresh Hope for Mental Health book, I am not my diagnosis!
As I began to change my thinking, I tried to leave behind these lies. It was not easy! I had to be very intentional about recognizing the lies, and replacing them with the truth of God’s Word. So I discarded the lies and picked up truth. And one way I did that was through regular Bible reading – that’s where the truth is. Jesus is the Truth, so I spent time reading the “red letters” – the things that Jesus said. I spent a lot of time in the Gospels – reading the stories about what Jesus said and did, how He interacted with the people around Him.
Medication was added to my life. I found that I needed the right meds, which my psychiatrist helped me discover, to be able to work on the thinking patterns and eventually change them. It’s as if the meds made my thinking clear enough to then let me be able to focus on exchanging those lies I mentioned earlier for the truth.
Another thing I picked up along the way was support people. I had several friends, some new, some from years past, who were willing to learn about depression and what I was going through, and they offered me encouragement, which was especially meaningful on very dark days. They’d send a card, or a text – things like: It’s ok to not be ok. You’ll get through this. I’m here for you. My Bible Study was very accepting when I admitted my mental health struggle, and they prayed for and with me regularly. God blessed me with the safe people I needed. I’d always been a pretty strong independent woman, but now I had to put that independence down, and let others care for me. It was humbling, but so good. I learned what it means to accept help from the body of Christ…I had always been one to give, but now it was time to learn how to graciously receive.
After the 10+ years of depression and anxiety, I came out the other side. Came to the end of that part of the journey. And I was then in a place to evaluate the trip, and see if I’d learned any lessons, and what things I wanted to hold onto!
One of my take-aways is the need for rest. To not be over-the-top busy all the time, but to allow room for naps, for a slower pace, for interruptions. To relax, take a walk, read a book. Time for me.
Another thing I want to hold onto is about giving back. I want the lessons from my journey from mental illness to mental health to be available to others. I want to help folks who are struggling, because I know what it means to struggle. Granted, each person’s story and experience and journey are unique to them, but to be able to identify and acknowledge that the struggle is real is very comforting and reassuring for a person walking that path. It’s been a blessing for me to be able to walk with others, in my roles as a Fresh Hope Facilitator for a support group, and as a Hope Coach for Fresh Hope.
In fact, Fresh Hope is definitely one of the things I hold onto. The ministry of Fresh Hope, the people I’ve met through groups and one-on-ones and volunteers and staff, all are doing incredible work when it comes to helping people who are walking a mental health journey, either as someone with a diagnosis, or someone loving someone with a mental health challenge. Fresh Hope wants people to know that it’s possible to live well in spite of a mental health diagnosis. It’s a journey, but there’s much to be gained along the way. To learn more, check out the resources at freshhope.us.
Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for over 6 years and as the Hope Coach Trainer for over 4 years. She can be reached at peggy@freshhope.us.
Certain mental health organizations zero in on secular approaches. They can be useful resources since mental health diagnoses have their roots in biological conditions, such as genes and brain chemistry; and life experiences, such as trauma or abuse. And yet, they may speak of a “higher power” but leave it up to the individual to determine what that “higher power” actually is.
Any Christian knows this higher power is God, but knowing this fact can still leave believers and their loved ones struggling to understand mental health challenges.
“Certain churchgoers believe that behavioral disorders are caused by demonic possession or are a result of the person’s lack of faith,” as I wrote in my book Climbing out of the Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness. (For instance, ‘If you had prayed more, maybe you wouldn’t feel this bad.’)
“While not as harsh, I experienced a similar reaction in a Bible study class. It was common to ask participants to pray for someone with a physical condition, such as an upcoming operation. But when a member brought up her mental problems, no one knew what to say and so very little was expressed or discussed. The person’s concerns were not ignored but neither were they validated. I could relate and thought to myself, ‘Hey, we’re hurting too, you know!’”
As opposed to a “one or the other” approach, it’s the blending of the psychological and the spiritual that made Fresh Hope for Mental Health so appealing to me when I joined a support group eight years ago. I didn’t want to join a group that focused solely on the secular, leaving God nearly, if not entirely out of the equation.
On the other hand, I had suffered from depression and anxiety long enough, and on a prescribed medication long enough, that I knew faith alone wasn’t the answer either.
While it is a Christian organization, Pastor Brad Hoefs stresses that Fresh Hope meetings aren’t “hyperspiritual” either.
“I’ve seen many people who have little to no faith, no faith at all, or even have a different faith, come and be quite comfortable, because, more than anything it’s a safe place,” explains Hoefs.
In fact, changing our thinking is both faith-based and scientific. Neuroscience researcher Dr. Caroline Leaf points out that the average person has more than 30,000 thoughts a day! Thus, negative thoughts have the potential to turn each day inside out. It’s no wonder that Pastor Brad says we need to watch how much we ruminate or what he refers to as “stinkin’ thinkin” or toxic thoughts.
How do we go about this difficult task? Scripture offers clues, and Fresh Hope for Mental Health tenets include this verse from 2 Corinthians 10:5. “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
Is this easy? No. Does this take time? It sure does. From a faith perspective, Pastor Brad explains, “Toxic thinking needs to be taken captive, and in choosing healthy thinking and life-giving thoughts, choosing hope will grow your faith, increase your strength to believe, and ultimately change your brain chemistry.” I don’t know about the reader, but I’d much rather have positive brain chemistry than toxic thinking. Choose your thoughts wisely!
Wisely or not, since we are sinners, this remains an ongoing battle. Get better at your thoughts in one area, and the enemy is sure to strike in another. My current challenge involves focusing on positive posts, and spending as little time as possible on Facebook.
The popular social media platform has its good points. I’ve come across high school or college classmates I had not heard from in years. As an author, Facebook has been a great way for me to connect with people interested in purchasing one of my books. Online prayer requests also turn up regularly among Facebook friends and other contacts.
The bad part involves the namecalling and other political vitriol that shows up online – be it liberals criticizing conservatives, or conservatives blasting those with liberal thinking. Since the Bible says “judge not lest you be judged,” neither is a good idea regardless of one’s personal views on politics.
I am slowly understanding and following 2 Corinthians 10:5 more than I did a year, maybe even six months ago. Social media, of course, is but one challenge to mental wellness. It may be a different test entirely for someone else.
The point is, “You can’t keep doing things the same way and expect different results.” And so, if the reader finds that a certain approach to healthy thinking is not working, try a different strategy. Emotional outbursts are easy, but patience is difficult. We want a quick fix, but life does not work that way. Recovery amd mental wellness takes time.
Remember, we are all running a marathon, and not a sprint. Don’t we all want to be able to say what Paul the apostle stated, “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.” (2 Timothy: 4-7).
Mike Jacquart belongs to a Fresh Hope support group and the author of “Climbing out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness.” https://www.amazon.com/Climbing-out-Darkness-Personal-Wellness/dp/B0BQ58KJH4 A retired magazine editor, Mike enjoys sharing his story of “pushing through” on blog posts, podcasts, and other presentations. For more information, contact him at michaeljacquart8@gmail.com.
This has been an overwhelming, exhausting, frustrating couple of weeks. If it weren’t for many people praying for me, I’m honestly not sure how I would have remained upright.
In all of the chaos of caring for aging parents who live far away, and the emergencies that came along with that in these past few weeks, I can say that God sustained me through it all. He and I had many conversations – sometimes I was begging for His help, sometimes I was confessing my attitude, sometimes I was asking Him for strength and provision and peace. And He met me: Every. Step. Of. The. Way.
“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19 NLT
“By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.” 2 Peter 1:3-4 NLT
When I think about the many ways that God met my needs – His perfect timing over and over again, the way the Holy Spirit would bring to my mind just the perfect verse for the moment… For example, one of those first nights that I learned about my mom’s fall, I woke in the middle of the night with my mind racing (isn’t it always worst at night?). I was near panic, experiencing fear like I’d never had before; I couldn’t think straight, I was unable to focus on God’s character. All those tools of meditation that I talked about last month – not working! And then, this verse cut through the noise in my head and calmed me immediately: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV.
As I reflect on this, I am reminded about how He helped me when I went through 10 years of depression. I admit, I didn’t always feel God’s presence. But looking back, I can see God’s fingerprints all over my experience with my mental health crisis.
Firstly, God provided my caring and loving husband, who accepted that I was going through a tough time, and helped me in so many ways. Sometimes just listening. Sometimes administering my meds. Always there, solid.
Secondly, I had a Christian counselor, who helped me process – week after week – all that I was feeling. He continually pointed me back to Christ, and back to my husband. He listened well, and then would make sense of all that I’d just said, and give it back to me in a way that was organized, instead of the chaotic thoughts that were in my head.
I had a very good friend who listened to me for countless hours. I probably said the same things over and over, but she was patient and she prayed for me and with me. She, too, kept pointing me back to Christ.
I had other friends, too, who reached out to us, with meals and cards and prayers.
My psychiatrist was a Christian, and truly a God-send, as he helped me through very difficult side effects from me taking the wrong medication for 1½ years. He was patient and kind and gentle and encouraging.
Pastor Brad, in his book Fresh Hope for Mental Health, talks about having a team, an accountability group, of safe people who can surround you and support you in your mental health journey. I had that, and am confident that they sustained me through my darkest days.
I was willing to take medications, which allowed my mind to stop racing, so that then I could practice taking “captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5b NIV. The effect of the medications was that I was able to change my thinking, with lots of help from my therapist.
As I look back on that long depression journey, I can clearly see times that I let go of God. But He never let go of me! And in my clearer moments of thinking, I knew that. I may not have felt it, but I knew it.
I am so grateful that I had memorized some Scriptures as a child, and the Holy Spirit often assured me by bringing pieces of those passages to mind. I also had a book, called God’s Promises for Every Day, which I used to look at verses that directly applied to what I was feeling (depression, anxiety, loneliness, etc.).
Remember the song from Sunday School, The B-I-B-L-E? “I stand alone on the Word of God…” This is where what I knew about God, not what I felt, came into play. I knew that God is good, that He is in control, that He loves me no matter what I’m going through. I knew He had promised to always be with me, to never leave me nor forsake me, to hear my cries for help. So even though I may not have felt these things, I knew them to be true.
It reminds me of why it’s so important that I read God’s Word daily, so I can plant His Scripture in my head and heart. And the Holy Spirit will then bring those truths to mind as I need them. If it’s hard to read the Bible (for me, the words often swam all over the page, and I couldn’t focus), a book like I mentioned above can be helpful. Snippets of applicable Scripture – I could manage just reading one at a time, and it helped me keep my focus on God.
I also wrote in my journal – a lot! Many of my entries were prayers – for help, for a sense of God’s Presence, for relief from the mental pain. I cried out to God, like David does in the Psalms.
One of God’s names in Scripture is Jehovah Jireh – the Lord will provide. And He does.
I encourage you to call out to Him, tell Him what you’re feeling. Tell Him what you think you need (remember, though, that He knows better than you do!). Ask Him to provide people who can support you in your mental health journey. Consider joining a Fresh Hope Support Group, or seek a short-term relationship with a Hope Coach from Fresh Hope. You do not have to walk this journey alone. God will give you all you need, so that you can walk through with hope.
Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for over 6 years and as the Hope Coach Trainer for over 4 years. She can be reached at peggy@freshhope.us.
