By Mark Soppitt

Ever have a day when all that you try and do goes awry, or you forget something important, or you fail at something again, or someone snubs or gaslights you? Or, just at that crucial time of relationship communication when it’s going so well, out pops those same familiar words that kill the atmosphere and create a chasm between you? 

What do you do in those times? How does it feel and how do you respond? If you’re like me, you can feel rough, low, frustrated, guilty, ashamed, or even hopeless.

What do you say to yourself when you feel this way? “I’ll never change”; “It’ll never change”; “You idiot!”; “I should do better”; “Here we go again…”; “You’re so dumb!” “Loser!” You may have your own established habit of negative self-talk that is so common to your thinking that you don’t even notice. 

Research has consistently linked self-criticism to mental health disorders, such as anxiety and depression, and adding to life stressors such as relational difficulties. Often, we can be our cruellest critic. We can see ourselves through a lens of negativity, particularly if that has been communicated to us over and over again within our closest relationships from an early age. We justify our negative self-talk because, after all, we think we know who we really are, right? 

And often this can lead us to “shoulding” on ourselves. “I should have done/said this…” or “I shouldn’t have done/said that.” I know I’m guilty of that! It’s not that all self-reflection is wrong if it leads us to grow and mature. If we continually say or do inappropriate or insensitive things, we need to change for the sake of ourselves and others. But it’s not healthy if all it does is lead us on a downward spiral that negatively affects our mood, our thoughts, and our relationships. 

Another challenge that comes with negative self-talk is that if we don’t do anything to change these thought patterns, we’ll simply repeat them again and again. Unchecked, our negative thoughts put us at a disadvantage in how we see and respond to ourselves and the world around us. We have to expend more energy on just keeping our heads above the waters of wellness, that we have less to give to growing, learning, and loving.

Somehow we need to interrupt this cycle. So how can we do this?

One way of interrupting the cycle is to show ourselves kindness. But how do we do this? There are many ways. Firstly, we need to begin to recognise our negative self-talk. This means asking ourselves questions when we are feeling negative and low. What am I thinking/was I just thinking? When we begin to recognise this, we can stop for a few moments, and bring a kind thought or word into our lives to counter the negative. This does not come easily, but as we practise it, we begin to form new and healthy ‘thought highways’ in our brain and in our mind. 

We can also interrupt the cycle by remembering things that have gone well; or by practising gratitude, or even by taking some time to worship and praise. Or by taking a walk in nature and appreciating the beauty around us, noticing how much of the natural world around is not squeezed into man-made uniformity, but rather displays variety, uniqueness, and luxurious creativity. Or even by saying out loud to ourselves statements like, “I’m not going to let this destroy me,” or “I’m going to use this to help me grow,” or,  “I didn’t say the right thing yet, but I am learning to be more sensitive.”

So, is being kind about excusing bad behaviour? No. Rather it is getting ourselves to a place where we are able to grow rather than sink in the murky waters of self-criticism and condemnation. 

Another way to grow in kindness towards ourselves is to learn how God sees us. Unfortunately, certain upbringings or experiences can teach us that God is a cruel taskmaster and the arch critic and demander of perfection. This is so far from the truth. The parable of the Prodigal Son so powerfully describes the opposite (Luke 15). Sure, He sees how we are made, and that we mess up by doing and saying selfish and self serving things. Yet, through His Son’s death on the cross, God dealt with the root cause of this: sin, or the force, like gravity, that always seems to pull us away from being the best version of ourselves. We have hope to change because Jesus willingly gave Himself up to free us from this downward pull and give us an upward trajectory now we are “in Christ” (2 Cor.5:17).

Romans 8:1 says, “…there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,” and later in verse 33 it says, “Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one.” What amazing truth to bask in and meditate on even right now. If God declares us not guilty, we have no reason to condemn ourselves or let others do it. Instead we can praise and give God thanks that He has given us all we need for life and godliness to help us grow out of our old ways of thinking into new, life giving ones.

Furthermore, He gives grace to help us grow in virtues such as love, faith, hope, and self-control with our words and in our deeds. God is love, and so as we get to know Him and become more like Him, we become more loving. Being filled with the kind of love that God promises to give us is a great foundation for a life that is transformed from brokenness to wholeness, from depression to joy, from being forsaken to being adopted, and so much more. This is great news 😊

So, next time you want to mentally beat yourself up, stop and acknowledge it and its cause, and then choose to see yourself in the light of Christ and a child of God who is still growing. It may mean making some amends, but also let it be the start of showing kindness to yourself with words that build you up, not tear you down and words that speak hope to your future.  

Mark lives in Niagara Falls, Canada with his wife, Janet. They have 5 children and a dog and enjoy exercise, public speaking, and motivating others. They have walked through many years of navigating mental illness and its effects on their marriage, their children, and pretty much every aspect of their lives. Through Living Well Coaching, their desire is to connect people to Jesus’ unlimited resources, and help them build resilient, healthy, and fruitful lives that glorify God and reach their full potential. You can follow them on social media: INSTAGRAM @livingwellcoaching; FACEBOOK livingwellcoachingniagara or their website Livingwellcoaching.ca

by Scott Box

I have noticed how people talk about their faith as they go about their lives—It seems to me that many folks believe that while God loves them, He is simply tolerating or waiting around for them to screw things up. They think the sun has set, and God wants them to trip around in the darkness because He is disappointed in them. I have had these thoughts, too.

But even though I manage Bipolar disorder every day of my life, I do not act like God is simply putting up with me. I do not believe I have to fumble around in painful pitch blackness. Instead, I recognize that God longs for me to make choices that show He made me in His heroic image and likeness, the likeness of the risen Hero who takes charge and carries out God’s will for the world. Sure, I am compromised by sin and brokenness, even by mental disorder—and I battle against the dark still—but my weaknesses do not eliminate the truth that Jesus Christ lives within me in the form of His Holy Spirit. The power of Jesus works through my weaknesses so that I can rule alongside Him and share in the stewardship of God’s creation. 

“Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”—2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NLT

But if you knew me, you’d know some of my weaknesses. I almost always say what I’m thinking, including cuss words. Filter. What filter? I navigate a culture that pushes me into temptations in sexual purity I’d never thought I’d have to confront or endure. I always desire to binge on sugary food. I’m a pastor, and people often irritate and annoy me, cough, to no end. I am frequently fearful and beg God to give me peace when I play music in front of a crowd or when I am waiting for test results to come back from my last colonoscopy or dermatology appointment. I get depressed when it’s cloudy outside. Seriously, are you kidding? I’m a total piece of work. And yet Jesus has radically changed me to be more and more heroic as He is heroic (see January 26, 2024 blog post to learn more: Jesus’ Heroic Worship and The H.E.R.O. Tool). The journey has been harrowing but excellent. 

Further, Bipolar disorder creates challenges. There are difficult days of painful mental dissonance that rival the days when I’ve endured my most physical pain. The darkness I’ve suffered from can be as black and hard to wash off as ink. But Bipolar disorder gives me a marked avenue to speak to a specific type of audience about how Christian worship and Jesus’ heroism can bring people back from the brink—to offer a guiding light of immeasurable hope. And my clarity of purpose as a result of how I manage Bipolar disorder gives me an unrelenting expectation of God’s provision, that His word will be the light onto my feet. And if Jesus will be my light, He’ll be the light for anyone who calls upon Him to be their Savior and King. Have you read this passage recently?

“Your commandments give me understanding; no wonder I hate every false way of life. Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path. I’ve promised it once, and I’ll promise it again: I will obey your righteous regulations. I have suffered much, O Lord; restore my life again as you promised. Lord, accept my offering of praise, and teach me your regulations. My life constantly hangs in the balance, but I will not stop obeying your instructions.”—Psalms 119:104-109 NLT

Maybe the label FREAK hangs in the balance if I ignore or eliminate God’s guiding heroic light—because in some ways, I want to be labeled a freak. Here are a handful of lessons I have learned from the intersection of Jesus’ heroism, Bipolar disorder and Christian worship: 

1. The bold truth is that I know people’s souls rely on me to tell my gritty story and help them connect the dots to Truth. As I’ve said in other blog posts, Jesus’ idea is to use His followers to accomplish His work within creation. No, God doesn’t need me to do anything for Him, and yet I know I am necessary for His work and story because He has chosen to make me necessary. I have never lost hope in my identity and value because of this truth.

2. Therefore, it is my mission to become an unyielding storyteller. Becoming a storyteller gives meaning to my painful disorder. It illuminates God’s purpose for my worship: to revere/worship Jesus by being His witness to others—to tell my gritty story, to tell a heroic story about Jesus. Therefore, how I allow the Great Hero, Jesus Christ, to be revealed in my living is essential to the story He tells about Himself. My mission to be a storyteller guides the choices about how I live my life. And it might cause me to be labeled a “freak.” But being a storyteller is God’s design for us all, no matter what privileges we have or talents we employ day by day. Our creative witness is a giant part of my worship and your worship. 

3. In my case, I have the gift and experience to lead music and singing for numerous kinds of Christian events or church services. Having Bipolar disorder doesn’t directly make me a good church music or worship leader, though it might make me a bit of a freak by default. Still, my management of Bipolar disorder has influenced my paradigm of Christian worship to a radical degree. I do not think worship is simply singing church songs out of reverence for God. Yes, I lead and sing songs about Jesus. But more than that, the worship I lead works to build environments and opportunities that awaken a longing in people’s hearts for the Great Hero, Jesus Christ. Jesus calls His Church into a type of worship that guides us into a lifestyle of gritty living that tells a heroic story about Him. Our songs represent the Church’s unified gritty witness about the Great Hero’s story. 

I live in the extraordinary intersection of mental health, Christian worship and Jesus’ heroism. You may not be a song leader in a church like me; you might drive a tractor, sit at a desk, stay at home, or live in a jail cell, but you can be a heroic worshiper and leader. Become a freak like me. I idolize Jesus because I believe He is restoring His heroic image in me. You might not believe how clear the view is from Jesus’ heroic vantage point. But it would be best if you gave it a try. Join me at this intersection and become a freak by leveraging your brokenness, including the things that have caused you shame and disgrace—maybe your mental illness—to image God and to become a heroic worshiper of Jesus with your story. Yes, life has been full of pain, bad choices and confusion. But no, God is not holding His breath, waiting for you or me to blow it. Instead, God sees Jesus in those who follow and believe—because Jesus is guiding us into His heroic greatness. So, let us work hard to live heroically, as Jesus is heroic, and tell His heroic story by telling our gritty stories—this is how we bring glory to God—this is our worship. And while many people might assume we are FREAKS, many others will follow the Great Hero. Our purpose is certain: 

We exist to experience and express worship as gritty living that tells a heroic story about Jesus.

Look, out that way, the sun is rising…you freak.

***Next month, we’ll dream about strategies and ways to express your “gritty story to tell a heroic story about Jesus.”

Scott and Kariann Box live in Redmond, Oregon. Scott serves as Pastor of Development at Shiloh Ranch Church and has been a worship leader for over twenty-five years. Kariann works as a Realtor in Central Oregon and supports Scott’s…creative spirit. They have two children, a one-hundred-pound Labradoodle and a four-pound Shih Tzu without teeth. Scott is the author of HEROIC DISGRACE: Order out of chaos. Hope out of fear. ― A Worship Hero Story 

by Peggy Rice

In my personal 10-year journey through depression, I often found myself stuck. I would ruminate on negative thoughts – things like “I’m all alone,” “I will never get better,” “This is as good as it’s going to get,” “God can’t see me.” The list goes on and on.

I was overwhelmed with the many things that I knew could help me get better, but I couldn’t do any of them. I felt paralyzed by them – exercise, eat right, get on a regular sleep schedule, do something I love to do, hang out with friends, pray, read my Bible. Again, the list goes on and on!

I couldn’t see a way forward. I felt hopeless.

Some days, just getting out of bed was all I accomplished. And even that was so hard to do! I think I did it for my kids – to try to keep some level of normalcy in our family life, even though I was only going through the motions. I would often get out of bed, put on my bathrobe, and come out of the bedroom to sit with them at the kitchen table as they ate breakfast. I would pray with them before they left for school. And then I had to fight the urge to crawl back under the safety of my covers, the blankets covering my head to take me into darkness. Some mornings, I couldn’t resist.

Other mornings, I’d slowly get dressed for the day. If I took a shower, I’d stand under the water, fighting my negative thoughts and willing my body to stay standing. When the water started to cool, I’d shut it off and get out. Back into the real world. No longer “protected” by the small enclosure made by the tub and curtain. Back into the bright light of the day.

And then I’d face the daunting task of deciding what to do. And I couldn’t decide. Sometimes, I’d sit on the couch with a small devotional and read a few verses. I found it very difficult to read my Bible – hard to concentrate, and the words seemed to move all over the page. So a couple of verses from my devotional was all I could manage. I’d try to pray, but often it was just me crying.

I did journal – a lot! Most of my entries were me begging God to help me. Asking Him to lift the dark blanket enveloping me. Bring me light, peace. Or crying out to Him, asking Him where He was as I sat in darkness. Other days, my entries were of gratitude to Him for getting me through the previous day.

I had a part-time job, and so most days I had to go to work. The drive was agony. All that time in the car to brood.

Once I got to work, I could often fake it through the day. Though I only did the bare minimum – I didn’t have the energy for more. In my darkest times of depression, I could only manage a couple hours of work, and then I’d have to go home. By God’s grace, I worked with a team of people who helped carry my work load when it was too much for me.

I told my therapist that I couldn’t do all the things that would help me more forward from the darkness of mental illness to the light of mental health. And he taught me about taking baby steps.

I had been looking at all the things on the to-do list. And I was overwhelmed. He pointed out that I was making progress. By getting out of bed – that was a baby step in the right direction. By showering. Another baby step. Reading my devotional – baby step. Going to work – an even bigger baby step.

He called them “victories.” And he encouraged me to celebrate them.

So I tried. When I would get through my shower, I would thank God in my journal for helping me do that. When I put in a couple hours of work, I would write down gratitude for my co-workers who helped me. When I walked around the block, I celebrated in my journal about exercising.

Little by little, these baby steps forward began to increase. Maybe some days were “two steps forward and one step back,” but I congratulated myself that it was still forward motion. I expressed gratitude in my journal – thanking God for helping me with these victories.

My therapist encouraged me to not think of them as little victories vs big victories. Not to put a comparison on them. But just to celebrate them as successes.

I began to take the big goals – for example, hang out with friends – and break them into smaller pieces. Like: call a friend. Or plan a coffee date.

I broke them into bite-sized pieces, things that I could manage to accomplish. I stopped looking at all of the list, and instead just focused on one thing. And if that was too big, I tried to break it down into smaller tasks. And then I’d celebrate – express gratitude to God in my journal – for Him helping me complete it. I tried to just focus on the next thing, and not the whole list. Just one task at a time.

I realize now that I had been paralyzed by the endless list of things I “should” do. By breaking it down into things I could do, I began to move forward. From stuck to unstuck. From hopelessness to hope.

“The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for 5 years and as the Hope Coach trainer for 3. You can reach her at peggy@freshhope.us

By Mark Soppitt

For some years now I have been following a fairly unpredictable and often challenging path out of long-term mental illness to discover who the ‘me’ of the 2020’s really is. With diagnoses of Bipolar II, PTSD, and a mild cognitive disorder, I have had to navigate some stormy waters. Sometimes it has been discouraging, such as when I had to quit a job I had been doing well for five years due to some cognitive impairment issues that began to affect my performance. These times can appear bleak and I have had to work hard on my mindset, refusing to lose hope, and believing that the best is still yet to come. 

I am learning about how I can resist and even reverse cognitive decline, and find ways of growing my mind to be healthy and hopeful. Sometimes I wish this particular battle of mine was finished, or better yet that I didn’t have it in the first place. However, I am finding that struggle in itself can act like a muscle of transformation which grows when we refuse to surrender and give up. 

What I have been learning about developing a growth mindset is very exciting and this is in no small part to what neuroscience is discovering about the inner workings of the brain. One of the most exciting discoveries is that the brain is far more able to adapt and change in our older years than was once thought possible. The term to describe this is ‘neuroplasticity,’ and very simply put, it is the ability of parts of the brain to continue to grow and change as we age, through deliberate use. Sometimes these changes become permanent and sometimes they disappear when the activity stops. 

This plasticity applies to the brain’s information pathways, which move and create something akin to ‘highways of thoughts’ that can pass from one part of the brain to another. They connect our thoughts, emotions, logic and reasoning in such a way to trigger physical responses in our body. With practice, we can actually build new healthy ‘highways’ for good thoughts to pass along, whilst digging up the old, negative ones.

The Bible actually calls this process ‘repentance,’ or literally ‘changing the mind.’ Paul uses a clothing analogy as an illustration in Ephesians 4:22-24. Here he commands the Ephesians to put off their old self, be renewed in the spirit of their minds, and to put on the new self, “created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” God offers us an exchange: our stinky rags for his rich, royal garments. God always has special clothes for special people, such as the Old Testament priests and kings, and as God’s “royal priesthood” (1 Peter 2:9), so do we. 

The challenge we face though is taking those old, familiar, and comfortable clothes (old ways of thinking) off and leaving them in the trash. Sometimes our new clothes, (renewed thinking), can feel uncomfortable, and the familiarity of the old continues to draw us back. With trauma responses, our thoughts can be so ingrained and unconscious that we don’t even recognise them until we get some assistance. It is remarkable to realise our thinking affects the very structures of our brain, as well as the chemicals within it, and the feelings that go with those chemicals. As a believer, it can be helpful to interrupt our old thought patterns when we recognise them by saying, “I am not a beggar anymore who wears rags. I am a child of the King and I choose to think like royalty today by putting on my new clothes.”

As a practical example from my own life, for the longest time I believed I was a failure. It was hard for me to live up to the academic achievements of my brothers, who both became medical doctors.I was the youngest, and I felt the pressure and the criticism of bringing up the rear. Little hurtful comments said in the heat of the moment further compounded my sense of failure. I couldn’t do anything to earn this kind of academic approval and so I stopped trying to get it.

When I became a Christian at the age of 16, I began to have my mind washed and cleansed with the Word of God, and in this process I was taking off my old rags and putting on royal garments of salvation (Isaiah 61:10). As I realised how powerful a lie “I am a failure” was in my life, and how it often stopped me trying anything new because I was afraid,  I asked God to speak His truth and I began to search for it in the Bible. I heard Him speak to me one day, “You are not a failure. You are my child and I love you unconditionally. I fearfully and wonderfully made you in your mother’s womb and I chose you since before the beginning of time. I accept you and receive you. Don’t be afraid, for I am with you and I will help you.” 

There was tremendous power in those words of truth and I could find various Bible verses that backed them up. So, instead of holding onto the limiting belief “I am a failure,” I was able to take it off and replace it with something far more encouraging and life-giving. And to do this, I would repeat regularly as a prayer affirmation, “I renounce the lie that I am a failure, and I announce the truth that I am a child of God; I am loved unconditionally; I am accepted and received by my God. I am not afraid because God is with me and He will help me.” I have written and spoken these kinds of prayer affirmations many times as I continue to seek to grow in my new identity.

The amazing thing I have found, as I have learnt more about the brain, is that there are so many things going on inside my body, my soul, and my spirit that are all interconnected. Old highways of thinking were being replaced with new healthier ones in my physical brain. My go-to thinking was being changed as I spent time thinking and praying about who I was in Christ. My soul was energised with truth from the living and active Word of God and I began to believe that failure was not my destiny at all. I was speaking the life changing truth that was bringing me out of a restricting poverty into freedom and a royal inheritance. And I began to worship with thoughts that were good and liberating, which in turn released “feel good” chemicals in my brain. God loves it when our minds are filled with true thoughts about Him, ourselves and others, as that is how He created us to be.

In the midst of taking off my old thinking and putting on the new I still need to take some medications to keep chemicals in my brain at levels that allow me to grow in a consistent way. I still need to exercise to release good chemicals into my brain that help me live a more positive life. And I still ask God to heal me. The fight isn’t over, and yet I am really encouraged that I can play my part in taking off the old clothes, thought by thought, and putting on the new royal garments of praise and salvation. 

And this is my belief for each one of you too, and those you love and care for. God invites you to walk into your inheritance step by step with His Word and Spirit to help you and guide you. Maybe today, the thing you most need to hear is, “Well done, good and faithful servant. I am with you always. Don’t be afraid. I will give you strength for today. Come and rest in me and listen to My voice as I sing over you with songs of joy.” May you be encouraged that though the journey may be hard God is with you, and His Spirit is within you, and that as He helps your thinking change so can your feelings and brain change too.

Mark lives in Niagara Falls, Canada with his wife, Janet. They have 5 children and a dog and enjoy exercise, public speaking, and motivating others. They have walked through many years of navigating mental illness and its effects on their marriage, their children, and pretty much every aspect of their lives. Through Living Well Coaching, their desire is to connect people to Jesus’ unlimited resources, and help them build resilient, healthy, and fruitful lives that glorify God and reach their full potential. You can follow them on social media: INSTAGRAM @livingwellcoaching; FACEBOOK livingwellcoachingniagara or their website Livingwellcoaching.ca