By Mark Soppitt

Have you ever felt disappointed by God’s seeming lack of response to your trials and hardships? Or by His apparent distance in a situation you find impossible or overwhelming to deal with? Have you ever felt abandoned by God in your hour of need? If so, you are not alone. There are times in the Bible when others felt abandoned, too.

In Psalm 13:1-2 David cries out to God:

How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts

and day after day have sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemy triumph over me?

In the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus cried out to God:

At about three o’clock, Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” which means “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” (Matthew 27:46 NLT)

During my time as a pastor, I remember struggling with intense feelings of abandonment at times. When life got too hard, or I faced a situation with no apparent solution, and I had tried everything I knew to do. It didn’t feel so intense when there were others close by who I could draw on for support and wisdom. Yet, when I felt alone through my struggles and hardships, the feelings of abandonment were sometimes crushing. This came to its climax when I moved with my family to a new country, with a new church, a new culture and a fresh set of challenges I had not experienced before. Eventually, after several years, I slipped into a severe and prolonged depression, disappointed with God, myself, and others. I left the ministry unable to work or function in any meaningful way. The sense of abandonment I felt was overwhelming, and I just retreated into myself as a form of self-protection. Many years passed before I felt safe and well enough to enter the ‘unpredictable and scary world’ again. Like King David and Jesus, I felt abandoned and deserted by God. 

One of the challenges we face as human beings is that we live in a natural world where we see, hear and experience things in concrete ways. We know when a mountain is near because we can see it or walk up it. We know we drink coffee because we can see, smell, and taste it.

 It’s much harder to believe in something when we can’t use our natural senses, yet we still believe in things we can’t see, hear, feel, touch or smell. We can’t see electricity, though we can witness its effects when a light is turned on. We can’t see the air yet know we live because of the oxygen we breathe. There is an element of faith in these things.

It is the same with God. We can’t see Him, yet we often see or sense the results of His presence, such as when He answers our prayers, meets a need, or speaks to us clearly when we read the Bible. Faith grows through such experiences, yet it can be much harder to maintain our faith in His goodness, presence and power when He is silent or appears not to care. 

As David and Jesus show us, we are not alone in such times.  We should not be so surprised when we feel it ourselves if it happened to them. So, how can we get through these feelings?

Later in Psalm 13:5-6, David expresses hope in God:

But I trust in your unfailing love;

    my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing the Lord’s praise,

    for he has been good to me.

Instead of withdrawing from God, he pushes towards him. His prayer starts with expressing his true feelings but ends with trusting God’s unfailing love and expecting salvation. He reminds himself of the history of God’s goodness in his life. His life progresses as he moves towards God in prayer, and his outlook on life becomes more positive. By the end, he is rejoicing and singing. What a turnaround. 

The same is true of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane. It may seem like total desolation, but Jesus honestly expresses his feelings to God. He is not moving away from God when He feels deserted but towards Him. 

Maybe you feel abandoned by God and are thinking about giving up. I know how you feel! Honestly. Here are a few things I learned on my journey that may encourage you to press towards God rather than move away from him.

Scripture suggests that David experienced some abandonment as a child. Psalm 27:10 says:

Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.

Perhaps we can see this example when David’s father, Jesse, seems to forget about David when he presents his sons before the prophet Samuel (1 Samuel 16). Only when Samuel asks whether Jesse has any more sons after seeing seven of them does he remember David out in the fields. When we experience feelings of abandonment or the reality of this, particularly as a child, it can leave us with a heart wound, which makes us vulnerable in later life.

 It doesn’t even have to be an actual event. When we perceive it and believe it, it becomes an influential lie that can resonate loudly. This was my case, and I needed to experience healing from God in this area. The effects of my belief had some devastating consequences, and I felt constantly lonely, expecting that other people would also abandon me. I began to dismantle the lie by discovering Scripture that spoke to my feelings of abandonment, and as I renewed my mind, I faced the world around me with more confidence and faith. Hebrews 13:5-6 says:

“…God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”

John 14:16-17 says:

And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[ in you.

I began to shape prayers that broke the stronghold of wrong thinking and spoke the truth. I would pray:

 “I renounce the lie that I am all alone and abandoned. I announce the truth that God will never leave me or forsake me. He is my helper, and so I will not be afraid. I announce that I have a helper and advocate with me forever, and the Spirit leads me into all truth. He lives in me, and He lives with me. I will not be afraid when I feel lonely or abandoned because I know I am not alone. The Lord receives me, and I will trust in His unfailing love and rejoice in His salvation.”

As I washed myself in the Word of God, my thinking changed, affecting my feelings. So, when I feel abandoned or lonely now, I can say this prayer with faith.

Another thing I realised I had to do was to release God from my disappointment in Him. He never does anything wrong, but we can feel and believe it and hold it against Him. This leads to the very separation we are trying to avoid, as we don’t trust Him and feel resentful toward Him. We must forgive people for the wrongs we feel (whether they happened or we just perceived them), so we must express our forgiveness or release of God. Bitterness and unforgiveness build walls that separate and do us harm. Forgiveness and release enable us to remove the walls of separation and mistrust and restore fellowship.

If you feel that God does not care and has abandoned you, I hope you will be encouraged to move towards God in prayer, as David and Jesus did. If you feel resentment and bitterness towards Him or others, forgive and release them and have a clean slate to bring hope and life to your future. So many things can damage our faith journey, yet God gives us the answers to keep walking and grow stronger. He wants to meet with you in your pain and for you to know that He is with you. He does care, and He is near. He does not lie, and as you create your own prayer of faith, may you discover the freedom to live life to the full. 

Mark lives in Niagara Falls, Canada with his wife, Janet. They have 5 children and a dog and enjoy exercise, public speaking, and motivating others. They have walked through many years of navigating mental illness and its effects on their marriage, their children, and pretty much every aspect of their lives. Through Living Well Coaching, their desire is to connect people to Jesus’ unlimited resources, and help them build resilient, healthy, and fruitful lives that glorify God and reach their full potential. You can follow them on social media: INSTAGRAM @livingwellcoaching; FACEBOOK livingwellcoachingniagara or their website Livingwellcoaching.ca

By Scott Box

My friend Toby and I were the only two remaining in the back room. The music band, Sunday morning leadership, and the pastoral team had finished the pre-service prayer and had left the room to make final preparations and adjustments for the church service. Toby was scheduled to make a brief announcement before officiating the offering (we still pass baskets at our church). I looked at his bald head and bright Hawaiian shirt and grinned. Toby is a joyous curiosity. I know a bit about Toby’s past as a United States Marine and Special Forces operator who has been shot at multiple times in his life, had guns put to his head out in some Middle Eastern desert and done his share of shooting back. Also, he once stole a hymnal from the US Marine Chapel in Quantico, Virginia, to give me as a gift. I love Toby. I also love sharing my ministry work with him as a leader in a wonderful church in Central Oregon. 

As I was about to step out of the back room, I offered Toby a clarifying comment about the timing of his arrival to the platform later that morning so he and I would be in sync (I lead music for the church). Toby interrupted me mid-sentence. He was turned sideways and bent over, refreshing and adjusting new water bottles onto a short bookshelf. He calmly spoke, “I got it, Scott. This morning, s***(expletive) doesn’t start until I say so.” He raised his head to make eye contact with me. The gleam in his eye told me he was having some fun but was also dead serious. He understood his mission and had the transitions under control—and that, basically, I needed to “back off.”

I immediately belly laughed and offered a, “Sounds like we understand each other, Toby. It ALL starts when you say so, babycakes.” 

Ahhh, side-note: As a pastor, can I tell you how refreshing it is when someone just “says the thing.”—no games?! It’s wonderful. I love people like Toby. 

That is the way it needs to be with people like you and me, too—we are people who are learning to manage mental health challenges—no games. There is too much to lose. And while we don’t have to “say the thing” quite the way Toby did—grin—we need to speak the truth to ourselves and others about the challenges and joys of the fight (or surrender) for health. No games.

I won’t take too much time to differentiate, but as we learn to manage our health, are we honest about our challenges? Are we taking the time to acknowledge and celebrate our joyful accomplishments? Do we make healthy decisions when we celebrate? Are we sure we should be fighting, not surrendering (to Jesus)? More specifically, I mean, do we suppose that succumbing to our vices or self-medicating is better than gathering a small God honoring and loving team to help us fight for our lives? 

Are we willing to “say the thing?” 

Action plan: 

Take a minute and write a single word or three on paper or in a note on your computer or phone. Speak the truth to yourself. Are you broken? Write “broken.” Are you complete? Write “complete.” Are you fighting? Write, “fighting.” Are you surrendering? Or are you lost, and your head is blank? Are you simply surviving? Write these words or others, then share them with someone you trust. Maybe plop the words in front of their face and wait for them to look at you curiously. Then, “say the thing.” Risk putting the words you wrote into spoken sentences. Attempt to explain YOU to someone who loves YOU. 

When I am bold enough to “say the thing” and live it, it’s a great way—the best way—for me to harness my bipolar disorder for good by bringing Jesus into my story and His heroic wholeness to the world in me and around me. My family and friends (generally) thank me when I “say the thing.” “Saying the thing” welcomes God and others to become partners in my gritty story. “Saying the thing” keeps me from deadly isolation. “Saying the thing” is humbling and, ironically, selfless—heroic. 

Remember that I am encouraging you to “say the thing,” but I’m also telling you not to tell your friends and family to “back off.” Do the opposite: “Say the thing.” to invite Jesus and others into your story, your nightmare, your adventure. The truth is, Jesus is in control, but when it comes to this aspect of your mental health, my friend Toby is right, “s***(expletive) doesn’t start until (you) say so.” Your mental health is no game. 

So what are your words? Plop your words in front of someone’s face to invite them in. “Say the thing.” Live heroic. 

(***Next month, let’s talk about how we begin to identify, craft and release our gritty mental health stories to the world around us. We’ll get very specific and practical in September, baby!)

Scott and Kariann Box live in Redmond, Oregon. Scott serves as Pastor of Development at Shiloh Ranch Church and has been a worship leader for over twenty-five years. Kariann works as a Realtor in Central Oregon and supports Scott’s…creative spirit. They have two children, a one-hundred-pound Labradoodle and a four-pound Shih Tzu without teeth. Scott is the author of HEROIC DISGRACE: Order out of chaos. Hope out of fear. ― A Worship Hero Story 

By Mark Soppitt

While still a young and inexperienced pastor, one day, I told my wife I felt lonely. We had moved to a new town to begin this significant life change, leaving many of our old friends, yet not going far. So, I was surprised by the words coming out of my mouth. How could I be lonely? People surrounded me, and my call to pastor meant I spent much time with them. That evening, we joined a discipleship group for young leaders, with two guest speakers discussing how we hear God speak. At the end of our gathering, one said, “I know this is strange, and I can’t see that this would apply to anyone here, but I keep getting the word ‘loneliness’ in my mind. I wonder whether God is highlighting this issue in anyone’s life?” I could have jumped a mile! So could my wife, who gave me a big nudge. Timidly, I said it was me, and they prayed for me. Through that prayer, something changed, and I no longer felt that haunting loneliness.

The issue of loneliness in North American society is drawing more and more attention. In 2023, the US Surgeon General Dr Vivek Murphy declared a national loneliness and social isolation epidemic, warning that as many as half of US adults were at risk of adverse physical, mental, and societal health outcomes as a result.

What is loneliness?

Loneliness is a subjective feeling conveying that the relational connections we need with others to live well are absent.

US Surgeon General Dr Vivek Murphy describes loneliness in the following way: “Loneliness is like hunger or thirst. It’s a feeling that we experience when something we’re lacking for survival is missing from our life. And if we respond to it relatively quickly, it may go away. But just like hunger or thirst, it’s when it persists for a long period of time, when we’re not able to figure out how to address it, that is when we start to worry.” ¹

Who does it affect?

There are some good reasons why loneliness may affect those suffering from mental illness more than those who do not. Depression and anxiety make us less likely to want to connect with others. I know as a pastor suffering in this way, I didn’t want to see anyone, at times, even my closest family and friends. For a season, I turned up after the church service began and tried to leave before anyone could talk to me at the end. When I got home, I would often hide in my bedroom. That was a very bleak time, where I thought being alone was my protection from the internal and external struggles I faced.

Trauma is another life experience that can leave people isolated as we try to make sense of events that shatter the soul and leave the ability to connect with ourselves and others so very difficult. The notion of safety and normality is replaced with a sense of dread and fear of the worst happening again. Memories can be blocked entirely as a self-protective mechanism, and yet powerful emotions still find their way to the surface to wreak havoc in a world that seems so much more dangerous than before. 

Grief and loss can be another cause of loneliness, as loved ones are no longer there, and others avoid those grieving because they don’t know what to say. Growing older can restrict one’s mobility and social networks. Losing a job, retiring, moving to a new country or locality, or being single are also potential causes of loneliness. Technology in society plays a part in loneliness, as more people work and shop from home or make superficial ‘friends’ through social media. 

What is the antidote?

Genesis 2:18 reads, “The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him,” and conveys the sense that God created us with a need for others in our lives, be it through marriage and relationships, family, or community. In the famous words of the 17th century Dean of St.Paul’s Cathedral John Donne, “No man is an island.” 

We were created for unfractured relationships and community, as the Trinity enjoys within the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. God created us in His image or likeness, so the desire for relationships is in our DNA. We were made for companionship. Yet, finding and retaining mutually life-giving relationships is challenging in our broken world. We may have needed better role models or found healthier friendships. We may have suffered tremendous pain and harm through people and resolved never to be so vulnerable again.

Whatever the cause of our loneliness, like natural hunger, it begins to make its voice heard. And, much like our need for food to stay healthy, when we lack meaningful connections over a long period, the risk of harm to our health increases. 

How can we move away from a lonely life?

1. Recognise that God is everywhere and wants us to know He is with us. In Psalm 139, David writes, inspired by the Holy Spirit, “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there;   if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.” Unlike any created being, God exists everywhere all at once. There is never a place we can find ourselves where He is not. Sometimes, we need healing in this area, either because of trauma or upbringing, so that we can enjoy the fellowship of God we were created for. Jesus calls us ‘friends,’ and He had close friends on earth, as well as being one with His Father. God promises that He will never leave or forsake us (Heb.13:5) and will not leave us alone as orphans but come to us (John 14:18). 
2. Find Community. It can be tempting to stay isolated due to fear, past experiences, feeling different, or other reasons. However, finding places where we can grow good friendships and meet people is crucial. Churches, social clubs, sports teams, gyms, hobbies and places to volunteer all offer such opportunities. When we emigrated to Canada, my family and I joined our local YMCA gym and began taking group exercise classes. During my time of depression and burnout, it provided camaraderie without being too much to handle. I was surprised by how much good this one thing did for me and my family. Eventually, I became a group fitness instructor at the YMCA to give back some of what I had received to others. We don’t need to throw ourselves into unsafe groups without boundaries. We just need to find places to belong and feel welcomed into.
3. Forgive and be forgiven. One significant challenge to overcoming loneliness is letting go of past hurts and wounds and being willing to get up again when knocked down. Sometimes devastating things happen, and we get caught up in them. I don’t believe in the phrase “everything happens for a reason.” I cannot explain some of the horrendous things that happen to people. Yet, I know that God will come and heal the brokenhearted and can restore what was stolen from our lives. Forgiveness has tremendous healing power as we choose to let go of the chain that binds us to that person or people. It is not forgetting horrible things but rather choosing to leave justice in the hands of the eternal Father, who will judge the living and the dead one day. If you find it hard to forgive yourself for what you have done to others in past times, know that the blood of Jesus covers our mistakes and offers a door to a new start. If God is willing to forgive you, what stops you from forgiving yourself?

If you are lonely, I hope you will find ways to rediscover life-giving relationships that mirror God’s friendship and companionship. Know that you are not alone. Many people feel they need to improve at making good relationships. Is there one step you can take today to move away from loneliness? 

1. “Dangers of Loneliness” ABC News online article by Youri Benadjaoud, June 12th, 2024, 11:26 AM ET ↩︎

Mark lives in Niagara Falls, Canada with his wife, Janet. They have 5 children and a dog and enjoy exercise, public speaking, and motivating others. They have walked through many years of navigating mental illness and its effects on their marriage, their children, and pretty much every aspect of their lives. Through Living Well Coaching, their desire is to connect people to Jesus’ unlimited resources, and help them build resilient, healthy, and fruitful lives that glorify God and reach their full potential. You can follow them on social media: INSTAGRAM @livingwellcoaching; FACEBOOK livingwellcoachingniagara or their website Livingwellcoaching.ca

By Catherine Boyle

“I wish my church had something like mental health ministry.”

“It would be so great if my pastor could get your mental health resources.”

“I’m a volunteer and I’d like to start a mental health ministry. Can you help?”

These are the kinds of comments we receive from people who reach out to Key Ministry, often individuals who are faithful volunteers and members of their church. These individuals are alike in that they have often been personally impacted by their own mental illness or that of a loved one, and they know from experience how important it is for their church to help people navigate the suffering and challenges of mental illness. Too often they also have the experience of not being heard or believed. This is why Key Ministry is hosting our first Mental Health and the Church conference, September 26 – 27, 2024, in Cleveland, OH. 

Over the past 20+ years, we have been honored to help influence the disability ministry movement. In the past two decades, the Church as a whole has reached the point where disability ministry is now not only to individuals with disabilities, as objects of ministry, but is now much more often ministry with individuals with disabilities and their families. We are humbled that God has allowed our Disability and the Church conference to play a role in this ministry growth and the mindset shift that has taken place in so many congregations.

We very much desire that the same thing take place in the mental health space.

Pastor Brad Hoefs and Fresh Hope have been longtime Key Ministry friends and colleagues. We are delighted that Brad will be one of the main stage speakers at Mental Health and the Church, speaking from a pastor’s perspective on why churches need to offer peer-led mental health support. 

Fresh Hope is a great example of the incredible value of peers in mental health ministry; Key Ministry has discussed the vital role of peer leaders in various forums, including a recent mental health-focused monthly video roundtable discussion. In addition to Brad’s message, there will be messages from many other peer leaders, people who have ‘been there’ and have taken the challenges in their lives and translated those experiences into wisdom and blessings for others. Our speaker lineup includes well-known individuals likeKay Warren, Kelly Rosati, Dr. Mark Mayfield, Rachel Medefind, Dr. Chris Hulshof, Dr. Phillip Monroe. But like our Disability and the Church conference, this event will also feature other individuals you should know, people with excellent ideas and approaches that can equip and sharpen your mental health ministry.

Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” There is much wisdom gained through the challenges and suffering that is common to mental illness. The Mental Health and the Church conference is the first of what we hope will be many opportunities to harness the hard-won wisdom among the speakers at MHATC2024. Each of these presenters will “comfort with the comfort they have received,” to equip you and your church to effectively come alongside individuals and families needing extra support in their relationship with Christ due to mental health challenges. We hope to see you there! For questions about the event, contact catherine@keyministry.org. 

The world is a hurting place. The pain is all around us. And it can feel overwhelming at times.

I remember taking a walk through my neighborhood – just around a few blocks in our subdivision. As I was walking past doorways and driveways, I was struck by the thought that I had no idea what was going on behind those walls. I didn’t know if there was a family in that house, or a widower, or a single upwardly-climbing business woman. I didn’t know if there was pain in that family, if they were enduring heartache or physical pain or the struggle of a loved one. I had no idea. And all I could do was pray. Pray as I walked past each garage door, that God would touch those in that house with His love and peace. That He would bring someone into their lives – is it me, Lord? – to show them the love of God, the salvation that Christ brings to a hurting world.

The reality of living on this side of heaven, being “at home in the body” (2 Corinthians 5:6), on this earth, is that there is pain. Sin brought ugliness into God’s perfect creation. Sin brought death, and dying, and illness. Including mental illness. I’m not saying that I was diagnosed with a mental illness because I’m a sinner. No! I’m saying that mental illness can be a result of living in a sinful world.

I see so many of my friends and acquaintances in pain. Parents grieving as they watch their child struggling. Folks with memories that haunt them. Couples who’ve lost a pregnancy. Marriages full of fighting and strife, or no communication at all. People who are lonely. People who are depressed. Or anxious. The pain is great.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” Wendy Mass, “The Candymakers”

So what can we do when we’re overwhelmed by the pain of this world? Our own pain, as we struggle in our battle against our mental illness. Or the pain we feel as we watch our loved one struggle in this same way.

There are two things we can focus on – knowing God’s character, and knowing what God says about you.

Knowing Jesus – who He is, what His character is, what He’s done for us by His death on the Cross, and by rising again to eternal life – knowing these things about Jesus, not just in our heads, but believing them in our hearts, brings peace to the chaos of the world that sin has created.

And the Bible tells us that “The Son (Jesus) is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, …” (Hebrews 1:3a NLT). If you want to know what God is like, look at Jesus. Read the Gospels – the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, and study Jesus. What delighted Him? What angered Him? Where did He show compassion and kindness? Who were His friends? What did He say? What was He passionate about? All of the answers to these questions will reveal who God is.

Then take it a step further. What does God say about how He feels about you? You are loved. You are cherished. You are redeemed. You are His adopted child. You are wanted. You are the apple of His eye. He delights in you. He rejoices over you with singing! (For more, look at “Who I Am In Christ,” Victory Over The Darkness by Dr. Neil Andersen.) These are truths from God’s Word – how He sees you – not in the pain of your sin, but by the redeeming blood of Christ in your life.

There are lots of daily practices we can engage in to help our mental health – we’ve discussed those many times in this weekly blog. But something that we can all do, and always do more of, is learn more about God, and more about what He says about how He sees us. A couple of things will happen:

• Our gaze will shift from our crummy circumstances to our Mighty God.
• Our thoughts about ourselves, and the words we say to ourselves, will slowly be replaced with the thoughts that God thinks of us. And these are true, not the lies of the sinful world or what our diagnosis wants to tell us.

Both of these will ultimately help us reframe our situation, and retrain our brains in the way we think. And that is good for our mental health!

Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for 5 years and as the Hope Coach trainer for 3. You can reach her at peggy@freshhope.us