By Scott Box

When Bipolar disorder broke my understanding of Jesus:

I had been a Christian all my life. But as I entered my thirties and was reeling with a new Bipolar diagnosis, I needed Jesus for the first time. In other words, in those days, I needed a form of rescue that wasn’t immediately connected to saying the “sinners prayer” and believing in Jesus when I was a child. I also needed something much more lasting than an emotional or spiritual boost from leading congregations in songs every week (By trade, I have been a “worship” leader and pastor in Oregon and Washington churches for twenty-five years). Ironically, with Bipolar disorder, the hypomanic ups and downs of a worship experience at church were often detrimental to my emotional stability. It’s humbling; I thought I knew how all things “Jesus” were supposed to work as a young man—I guess that’s normal. But as I wrestled with my mental illness, my understanding of Jesus was turned upside down by a mind I couldn’t trust—I did not “know it all” after all. But in some strange way, despite all the chaos, my brokenness drove me to Jesus and away from hopelessness. I became friends with Jesus. Perhaps I am saying that I used to think I knew Jesus, but it wasn’t until I became desperate for Jesus that I found myself needing—but also longing—to be His friend for the first time. It was a powerful experience when my understanding of Jesus was altered suddenly and radically by hope-filled desperation. Bipolar disorder broke my understanding of Jesus. 

When Bipolar disorder broke my understanding of Christian worship:

My seventeen-year battle to manage Bipolar disorder and my radical dependence on Jesus forced me to look at Christian worship through a new paradigm. I could no longer experience or lead a type of worship that fostered consumption and entertainment. Jesus’ form of worship demanded that I continuously address all aspects of mind, body, and spirit. So, I allowed my relationship with Jesus to begin to change me. My prayers became day-long conversations with Jesus. I started to take my medication with complete dedication. I physically worked out for an hour each morning. I carefully controlled my diet. I even brushed my teeth three times a day. Wow. I tried to include Jesus in every part of my life. And without question, I refined the emotional, spiritual, and physical tools with many successes and ugly failures. 

But all these things speak directly to what I started back in 2006 after diagnosis: Bipolar disorder required me to compare and contrast the worship I was leading against the worship I was living. And I want to be clear: the changes in my life became necessary because the “worship” I was leading in church every Sunday was not able to address my mental disorder. That kind of worship couldn’t help. It wasn’t that my faith was too small, either. And it wasn’t that church music was insignificant; it’s not. But when I think back, I realize my worship didn’t resemble Jesus’ model and teaching of true worship (John 4). Hang with me. Yes, I had often thought—even believed—that worship included more than singing songs in church. But when Bipolar disorder finally made me desperate for Jesus, and when I began experimenting with how He lived worship as a lifestyle, my life moved toward health. 

What I experienced was that for Jesus’ rescue to take hold in my life, I turned to Him to change how I thought and lived daily. Every. Single. Day. The Great Hero, Jesus Christ, rescued me and began to restore His heroic form of worship into my life.

Along with restored worship came wholeness to my living each day. I also gained confidence in my necessary role in God the Father, the Great Storyteller’s Grand Heroic Narrative of Redemption. And then, eventually, my music leading at church took on new depth and proper meaning. 

People’s stories form their paradigm of Christian worship: their experiences, teachers, and personalities. The same thing might be said about who they think Jesus is. I don’t know what everyone thinks about “worshiping Jesus.” Nor do I know how everyone finds or becomes desperate for Jesus. But I do know that once hopeful desperation for Jesus invaded my mind, everything in my life began to shift to worshiping Jesus His way, not my way. Health, not healing, was soon to follow. Knowing the darkness I had escaped, I was very okay with this outcome. 

It’s humbling to put into words, but it’s the truth: When I faced the potential darkness of desperation early in my treatment, I didn’t dip into hopelessness but instead began exploring the type of worship Jesus had lived two thousand years ago. Jesus’ form of worship became the most significant revelation of my life (We’ll visit about this next month. I am hooked on Jesus’ form of worship—I call it heroic worship). 

Ultimately, I find it amazing that Jesus used my Bipolar pain to point to His promise, purpose and provision in my life. God used Bipolar disorder to break my understanding of Christian worship. And it’s all because the Great Hero, Jesus Christ, did what He did for me on the cross and by rising from the grave. Consider me broken—I am. Consider me whole—I am. What a marvelous heroic mystery. 

———

Scott and Kariann Box live in Redmond, Oregon. Scott serves as Pastor of Development at Shiloh Ranch Church and has been a worship leader for over twenty-five years. Kariann works as a Realtor in Central Oregon and supports Scott’s…creative spirit. They have two children, a one-hundred-pound Labradoodle and a four-pound Shih Tzu without teeth. Scott is the author of HEROIC DISGRACE: Order out of chaos. Hope out of fear. ― A Worship Hero Story 

Mike Jacquart

Tracing your genealogy is interesting. In my own case, I learned I’m not part-Irish as I thought for many years but part-Scottish, and that my maternal great grandparents still lived in “the old country” – Bohemia, known today as the Czech Republic.

While our own personal ancestry certainly helps shape who we are and who we become as adults, who we are related to often serves as a person’s sole definition of “family.” In my humble opinion, nothing could be further from the truth. Let me explain.

Commercials, movies, and TV programs frequently portray family this time of year as a warm, fuzzy, Norman Rockwell-type picture of Christmas as a bonanza full of food, presents, freshly fallen snow, a crackling fireplace, and other pleasantries and fun. They may even paint a partially accurate picture of your own holiday experiences. If so, count your blessings!

But this is obviously not the case for many of us. Perhaps these scenes were true at one time, but children grow up, parents and other loved ones die, and other circumstances change that drastically alter our holiday season. As a result, it can be difficult to not throw a pity party when we hear about other people with family who are visiting and children to buy presents for when that is not the case for us.

With no children, one living aunt, and one parent still with us, Christmas is not as cheerful a time of year as it used to be. I try hard to not give in to sadness, bitterness, or resentment. While I’m not always successful, when I look around and see just what I DO all have to be grateful for, my negative feelings subside. This is especially true when, as a friend of mine reminded me, “family does not have to be blood, just as you are all my family.”

Indeed! I have been blessed with a loving wife, great little dog, and scores of wonderful friends, some of which I’ve known for many years, while others not nearly as long. But they’re ALL terrific people I am grateful to have in my life, and I feel a personal connection to all of them. They too, are “family”.

In other words, family is what we make of it. Take time to truly enjoy the special people in your life this Christmas season, and I think you’ll find that while who we are related to remains important, there is more to family than our bloodlines. A lot more.

Personal connections mean a lot. But most important is taking time to reflect on the “reason for the season,” the birth of our savior, Jesus Christ. If you do that, I think it likely you will have a “Merry Christmas” regardless of who is in your life, and who isn’t.

Mike Jacquart is the author of Climbing out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness. For more information, contact Mike at madjac@tds.net

Mike Jacquart

“Have a holly, jolly Christmas,” sings Burl Ives. Happy carolers belt out, “Joy to the World’ at the top of their lungs. “Ho, ho, ho,” greets a department store Santa. Everyone loves this time of year. Right? Nothing could be further from the truth, especially when you are suffering from depression or another mood disorder. When you are depressed, you’re existing but not really living. You’re often stoic, but seldom truly happy or joyful.

The holiday season can be especially difficult because the media conditions us to think that everyone should be joyful this time of year. When you have suffered from depression, you get pretty good at “faking it”. But no one should have to hide their feelings. Marina London LCSW, who edited and contributed clinical advice to my book, Climbing out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness offered the following suggestions.

“The first step in coping with the holidays whether you’re depressed and/or out of work or experienced the loss of a loved one is to plan ahead,” London wrote. “The importance of this cannot be overemphasized. Plan to do the following”:

Acknowledge your feelings. It’s OK to feel down. It’s OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can’t force yourself to be happy just because it’s the holiday season.

Reach out. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious, or other social events. Many have websites, online support groups, social media or virtual events. They can offer support and companionship.

Talk it out. If you’re feeling stress during the holidays, it also may help to talk to a friend or family member about your concerns. Try reaching out with a text, call, or video chat. If you are in counseling or group therapy, talk about your holiday concerns in advance with others.

Volunteer. Doing something to help others is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden social connections. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or drop off gifts to children who are hospitalized. (Definitely! I speak from experience having volunteered at a free community meal last year.)

Be realistic. The holidays don’t have to be perfect or just like before. As we change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose a few to hold onto and be open to creating new ones. Even though your holiday plans may look different, you can find ways to celebrate.

Learn to say no. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can’t participate in every project or activity. (Indeed: Social isolation is a trait of depressive disorder.)

Stick to a budget. Before you do your gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget. Don’t try to buy happiness with gifts.

Mike Jacquart belongs to a Fresh Hope support group and is the author of “Climbing out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness.” For more information, contact Mike at madjac@tds.net.

Marina London LCSW has extensive experience as a clinician as well as an executive for several national EAP (employee assistance programs) and managed health care firms. She can be reached at marina@impactconsulting.health

Additional source: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress/art-20047544

by Peggy Rice

The first time I walked into peer support group for people who struggled with depression, I immediately felt safe.  The group at the table understood me, even though all I did was introduce myself.  They fought the same battles I did, but were in different places on the journey. Some were more depressed than I was; some were mentally healthy. But all could relate to the struggles I faced: the hopelessness, the darkness, the loneliness. They all “got” me.

That’s one of the things about Support Groups offered by Fresh Hope.  The people who attend either have a mental health issue or love someone who does.  They “get” me. Even if the diagnoses are different as we go around the table and introduce ourselves, we all have faced the challenge of living with a brain disorder that has interrupted our lives. We all have faced stigma, maybe been afraid to tell anyone what we’re feeling for fear that we’ll be judged as less than capable, less than whole. We all have felt the isolation and burden of a mental health diagnosis in our lives.

But one huge advantage that Fresh Hope offers that other support groups don’t is that they offer Hope. Hope that we can live well in spite of having a mental health diagnosis. It’s not just a group that gripes and complains about what we’re going through, but one that is grounded in the sure and confident Hope of Christ. Hope in the saving work of Christ on the Cross. While the group won’t preach, and it’s not a Bible study, it is established in values and recovery principles (we call them Tenets) that are Biblically –based.

The group offers a safe place to share what is going on in my life, and offers me encouragement. The members share what worked for them in similar situations, so I can see how to apply practical steps to my recovery. They offer accountability, and a place where it’s safe to be honest about my struggles. They celebrate with me and my successes. They keep my confidence – “what is said here stays here.”

The teaching topics are relevant to mental health challenges. We use a variety of resources – books, videos, discussion questions. We spend time relating to each other, either as those with a diagnosis, or as loved ones.  We also share as a large group, so that we can learn what others are going through, and the perspectives of each other in the battle.

I’m a facilitator for my local Fresh Hope Group.  I’m someone with lived experience – a peer – who is in a healthy place in my own mental health journey.  I’ve gone through training offered by Fresh Hope in how to facilitate a small group, and I genuinely care about each member who attends. I feel called by God to this position, as a way to give back to the Lord for the healing He’s done in my life. I’m blessed to be part of a Fresh Hope Support Group.

If you struggle with a mental health challenge, or if you love someone who does, you might consider joining a Fresh Hope for Mental Health Support Group. Check out https://freshhope.us/fh-groups/find-a-group/ You’ll find them offered in person in many different places in the US, indeed around the world, and online groups for those who don’t have one in their immediate area.

May God richly bless you as you journey toward mental health wellness!