Month: February 2022

When was the last time something like this happened to you?

When was the last time something like this happened to you?

A few years ago, I came across a Google review of our church. It started off great. The author was complimentary about the kindness of our community, the hospitality of our people, the ministries of the church, etc. He even threw some praise my way. Then, the message turned nasty.

I wouldn’t have been so surprised by the negative shift in tone and content had I noticed that this post was written by someone who was using a fake name. It was shocking to read the false assumptions and half-truths. Even though this treatise was mostly misinformation, misinterpretation and misrepresentation, the words still hurt.

After the initial sting, I realized who wrote the review and knew what had transpired that inspired this scathing report. In the end, it turned out to be an immature response to an offense inflicted by someone other than me. And yet, I (and my wife) were cruelly and unfairly criticized.

To be fair, there were a few unflattering statements that were actually true. Ultimately, the vast majority of the message was inaccurate. Regardless, it triggered a shame response and opened up some wounds. The truth is: we all enter into ministry as flawed and fallen people. Our stories are filled with bumps and bruises. We’ve all faced bullies along the way. We’ve each borne our fair share of trauma, grief and regret. Our hearts have been broken and all our scars aren’t fully healed.

We have heart wounds that are perpetually exposed as we experience the insults, hardship, persecution, and difficulties that occur in pastoral ministry. The struggles and burdens of ministry aggravate old injuries AND cause new wounds. Personally, I long to be like the apostle Paul. I want to wholeheartedly believe that the grace of Christ is sufficient for me and that God’s power is made perfect in weakness. I would love to be relentless and resilient when the thorn digs in and my soul feels weary. Throughout my years in ministry I haven’t always had the resources and support I needed.

That’s why Fresh Hope for Pastors is introducing a new program for ministry leaders called Healing the Heart Wounds of Ministry. We know that serving the Lord in vocational ministry can be overwhelming. Too often, pastors try to put their heads down and power through. Most of the time, we do so in isolation from others. After all, the sheep have teeth and it is sometimes your own congregation that does much of the damage.

You need a safe environment where you can share your story with peers who understand. It’s ok not to be ok. Our Heart Wounds retreats offer the unique opportunity for pastors and their spouses to drop their guard and be honest with folks who will be empathetic and encouraging. And, participants won’t simply benefit during the time that we are together. Our goal is to send you back onto the field with tools and resources that will help you remain hopeful and joyful even as you encounter the challenges of ministry.

Sadly, pastors and spouses endure rejection, criticism and attacks. We go through cycles of grief and loss while carrying the weight of the people we love and serve. It’s a hard job that results in a lot of hurt. It is critical for pastors and their families to stay healthy despite the heart wounds.

Our team of pastors, spouses, trauma experts and behavioral health specialists are committed to caring for you as we explore ways that you can enjoy fruitful ministry and increase the longevity of your calling.

What are some of the most significant wounds that ministry has exposed or inflicted?

How has past hurt emerged as you’ve faced the challenges of ministry?

How do you cope with the pain and find hope in the midst of your struggles? Who reminds you of the resurrection and restoration of Christ?

Jason Moore is the director of Fresh Hope for Pastors. He is an ordained minister in the Presbyterian Church in America. Jason is a former church planter and a certified peer coach. He lives with a mood disorder and walks alongside pastors who are facing the challenges of burnout, anxiety, depression, and other mental and emotional health concerns.     

It Begins With a Story

It Begins With a Story

Every life is a story. Moment by moment, the sentences and paragraphs come together, telling a much bigger story of a life lived. One day the story reaches the final period.  Each of us has a story to tell of how we became a widow. Each story is unique, and each one of you is still writing your story. The amazing thing about these stories is that each one has a surprise ending for you to discover!

Writing a blog is a new venture for me, so I’ve decided to begin by sharing a bit of my personal story. Dave and I had been married 48 years when a malignant cancer appeared under his tongue. Like many men, Dave had put off going to the doctor thinking there was an irritation that needed to heal on its own. At his first visit to the ENT specialist, the doctor scheduled a procedure to remove the affected area and surrounding tissue. That day began a series of surgeries to remove additional small sections of his tongue until we got clear margins.

In January of 2018 the surgeon pronounced him cancer-free with no need to check-in for 6 months. At 5 months Dave became concerned about a small lump he could feel in the side of his neck. The PET scan was moved up, and sure enough — a new cancer appeared in a lymph node in his neck. The ENT surgeon began another surgery to remove it, but decided it was too complex for him. So, he closed and referred us to a Head & Neck specialist at the Buffet Cancer Center in Omaha. And that’s where this present story began.

In August 2018, Dave underwent a 16-hour surgery that removed about half of his tongue, 3 inches of the jugular vein, and most of the muscle on the left side of his neck, as well as a large malignant tumor and 40 lymph nodes. He nearly died twice more during that weekend, had two more emergency surgeries, and spent 5 days on a ventilator. A team of over 30 people worked on him, including a truly brilliant head and neck surgeon, and an equally brilliant reconstructive surgeon. They assured me it was a textbook procedure, that all had gone perfectly, and that Dave should make a complete recovery.

Eight months, 33 radiation treatments, 7 chemo treatments, countless surgical procedures, and hundreds of appointments later, the oncologist stood by Dave’s bedside with me and said, “I don’t know what to tell you. Everything we tried didn’t kill it! There’s nothing more we can do.” That was probably the worst day of our 50 years together. Five days later, Dave heard the Father call his name, and he went right around the cancer into the arms of Jesus.

So, suddenly I became a widow.

That changed every single thing about my life. Every. Single. Thing.

I had more questions than I had answers. A veritable mountain of paperwork stood before me. I suddenly felt like the most intimidated, incompetent person ever to live on the planet. An unending path extended before me, and I had to walk it alone. My kids and grandkids were wonderful…no doubt about it. But I still had to adjust to being alone and making ALL the decisions. Fifty years of marriage had created a comfortable division of labor, and now that was gone. I was now half of a couple learning how to be an “I” after fifty years of being “We”.

As I researched resources for widows, I found lots and lots of grief groups. However, I found very little that actually focused on moving a widow from looking at the past to anticipating the future. One night I saw the fascinating image of a kaleidoscope. As I watched, a slight twist moved a beautiful pattern, and it went completely out of focus. When things turned slightly again, a new and just as beautiful pattern emerged. And suddenly, Refocusing Widows was born in my heart and mind.

In these posts I’ll be speaking from my heart to your heart about the issues that we face as widows. From a faith-based perspective, I know that each of you reading this has a joyful, fulfilling life ahead of you. Faith-filled Hope will motivate you and catapult you into thriving in spite of the trauma of losing your spouse.

What does your story of becoming a widow look like? There are nearly 285 million widowed individuals in the world. You are not alone in all that you’re experiencing. I’d love to hear your story and watch the surprise ending unfold with you. Please feel free to send your thoughts and comments or share your journey with me at sheryl@freshhope.us. I look forward to hearing from you!

Sheryl Gehrls

Founder and Director of Refocusing Widows

Embracing Your Purpose in the Midst of a Pandemic Hit World

Embracing Your Purpose in the Midst of a Pandemic Hit World

I had to look twice, blink and open my eyes wide when I first read the news: “Cheslie Kryst: Former Miss USA dead at 30*”. She died by suicide this last weekend of January 2022 in Manhattan. The sad news featured a contrasting picture of Cheslie- beautiful, smiling and radiant. Among other things Chelsie was lawyer. A sister. A daughter.

 

As one who has dealt with anxiety, depression and even suicidal impulses myself, my heart was racing as I read the devastating news. It was filled, not only with the sorrow that such news brings, but also with a deep sense of the urgency to reach out to those who are being hit by mental health issues.

 

A follower of Christ, diagnosed with bipolar disorder some years ago, I had tasted the bitter waters of mood disorders and what they can do to a person and to a family if they remain undiscovered or untreated. I love Jesus with all my heart and the gospel is everything for me, and still, I had experienced the hopelessness of depression in my own skin. It was only by God´s grace that I was led to “Fresh Hope for Mental Health” and had come to know their recovery principles as well as the real life stories of those who were living full and rich lives in spite of mental health issues.

 

And now here I am living in a world hit by the COVID-19 Pandemic, with strong wake up calls such as Cheslie´s tragic death.

 

Although we do not know exactly what was going on for Cheslie in particular, it is nothing new to say that the COVID-19 Pandemic has caused a mental health pandemic. Fear of death, isolation, financial stress, are just some of the examples of things we are now having to deal with on a daily basis. The Lancet reports that cases of mental disorders have skyrocketed during the pandemic, including 53 million new cases of major depressive disorder and 76 million new cases of anxiety disorder.** At the same time, mental health services have become more and more scarce.

 

But this is not a blog to highlight how dire the situation is- instead, I would like to speak in the name of Hope. It is not by chance that you and I are alive during a time like this! And it does not matter if your life´s circumstances are not perfect. The truth is, the Lord wants to use you just as you are. Just like Noah, Moses, Ruth, Esther, you and I have been born for a time such as this…! We are meant to make a difference in our little corner of the world.

 

First of all, take care of yourself: spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally. We cannot help others unless we first help ourselves. For instance, when you travel on an airplane you are instructed to make sure you get your oxygen mask on first should oxygen levels drop in the cabin. You then help those around you. Similarly, you must make sure to take care of yourself so that you can then be of help to those around you.

·        Don´t isolate. Connect with other people through meaningful relationships.  

·        Keep strong communication with God.

·        Feed your mind with the truth of His Word.

·        Make exercise a part of your daily routine.

·        If you take medicine for your mental health, don’t miss a doctor´s appointment and take your medicine as prescribed.

·        If you still don´t attend, consider attending a Fresh Hope Group. Here you can find a list of available groups www.freshhope.us Or you can email me at samantha@freshhope.us so that I help you find one online.

·        Request connecting to a Hope Coach. You can do so by going to https://freshhope.us/hope-coach-connector/ and filling out the form so that a Hope Coach contact you.

 

Once you have taken action to care for yourself, go ahead and embrace your purpose by spreading the hope! This might mean for example that you:

·        Keep your eyes and ears open to opportunities to help those around you.

·        Are intentional about checking in with your loved ones.

·        Say a prayer for those who are sick

·        Do an act of kindness for somebody working in our Health System

·        Send a basket with basic items to that neighbor who has lost a job.

·        Become a Hope Coach. ´Fresh Hope offers a Hope Coach Training. We train you to become an exceptional listener who knows how to ask the right questions to help the other person process their pain and, in doing so, go from a place where they are feeling stuck and hopeless, to a place where they can actually see a way forward. Visit https://freshhope.us/product/hope-coach-training/ to access our training today!

·        Offer a Processing Together Group.

Processing Together is a curriculum by Fresh Hope consisting of a 4 Sessions Study in order to help overcome a shared crisis or natural disaster. You can access it here for FREE https://freshhope.us/product/processing-together/

 

Embrace your purpose…!! In doing so, you will be strengthening not only the mental health of those around you but your own mental health as well! I propose you start now by taking a moment to say a prayer for Cheslie`s family, and by sharing this blog with people you love.

 

How are you Taking Care of Yourself? How are you Embracing your Purpose?

 

 

 

*https://www.bbc.com/

**Institute for New Economic Thinking (ineteconomics.org)