By Peggy Rice

My heart is heavy. I’m not crying, not right now, but I can feel the weight in my chest. I’m burdened. I’m sad.

I just returned yesterday from a funeral for a family member, someone I loved very much. He loved the Lord, and so there was certainly a celebration of life – the one he lived here on earth, and the one he is experiencing now with his Savior in heaven. And I know that, as a believer, I do not grieve as one with no hope (see I Thessalonians 4:13). We have the assurance that he is with Jesus.

But that does not change the fact that there still is grief. For his wife, his mother, his children, his siblings. For the many lives he touched with kindness and gentleness and his smile and his laugh and his sense of humor. For all of those he left behind. Including me.

So, I will cry out to God. I will write a lament, expressing myself to the One who can comfort me.

David did it – the Psalms are full of David pouring out his feelings to God. (Just Google Psalms of Lament – it’s quite a list!) He sets a great example of giving it all to the Lord – the good, bad and ugly. The honesty. The protest, the expression of emotions, the voice of confusion.

Laments have a general format:

• An address to God (“Oh, God,…”)
• A review of God’s faithfulness
• A complaint
• A confession of sin or claim of innocence (sometimes not included)
• A request for help
• God’s response (sometimes not included)
• A vow to praise God or a statement of trust

Here’s mine:

Oh Father God, my heart hurts. I know your Word says that You are close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), and so I trust that You are near. But here in this world, in my present flesh, I feel such sadness. There was such a hole at his house, as the family gathered together to reminisce and share. He was missing! How my heart breaks for his wife, for the loneliness she will feel without him. Grief for his mom, as one never expects to outlive their children. For his kids, whom he adored and had strong relationships with. For the many in the community where he served with joy and kindness to all. Please, God, wrap us in Your loving arms. Hold us close as we mourn. Help us recall his smile, his generosity, his love of You. Help us to press into You when we are feeling overwhelmed with grief. Help me to pray for comfort for his family, on a consistent basis. Give me words to say when they are appropriate. I know, Father, that You understand grief and sorrow and sadness. You understand our pain. I will look to You, the God of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3). Thank You that You hear my prayer, and collect my tears. I love you, Lord. In Jesus’ precious name, Amen.

Writing a lament can be very therapeutic. God can certainly handle our pain, the honest expression of our emotions. He already knows them, but wants us to bring all of our feelings to Him, so that He can help us sort out the truth from any lies we might be believing. He can handle our anger, even if we’re angry at Him. He’s a big God, full of grace and mercy, and He will help us process our emotions if we bring them to Him. Because of Jesus and what He did for us on the cross, we can enter into the throne room with confidence, where we will receive mercy and grace to help us in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16)

If you’re hurting, or confused, or angry, and the emotions feel like they’re overwhelming you, I encourage you to write them out in the form of a lament. If you don’t like to write, consider drawing a picture or painting with watercolors. Express those emotions to the God who loves you completely. He wants to hear from you.

Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for 5 years and as the Hope Coach trainer for 3. You can reach her at peggy@freshhope.us

By Scott Box

Leading worship music helped me begin to understand how to manage Bipolar disorder. In the same way, Bipolar disorder gave me a unique angle to evaluate and practice Christian worship—as a way of life. Here are the five gritty practices, born out of desperation, that I use to discover and declare a heroic story about Jesus (and NOT be mastered by sickness):

1. Wrestle God
2. Be HEROic
3. Chop Wood
4. Lift Rocks
5. Make Babies

• WRESTLE GOD—Wrestling with God seems like a stupid or even sinful thing to do. The ancient Hebrew father, Jacob, gained the provision and blessing of confidence that came with having wrestled with God and not “lost.” “You chose to grapple with God, now no man will overcome you.”—Genesis 32:28 (paraphrase). But wrestling with God caused Jacob a wound that he carried with him the rest of his life—he walked with a limp because God popped his hip out of its socket. My wound—Bipolar disorder—made me desperate. Desperation made me dependent on a friendship with Jesus. My friendly dependence on Jesus made me create and repeat a daily rhythm to achieve health. I don’t know if this was the way desperation worked for Jacob, but it is how it worked for me. As I learned to manage my “wound,” I regulated my health by submitting myself to mental boundaries and everyday practicalities like taking medication, healthy nutrition and portion control, even making my bed, brushing my teeth and drinking lots of water. I dedicated myself to lifestyle routines like counseling, exercise, and scripture study. All these disciplines became necessary for balance. And my balance allowed Bipolar disorder to not master me. I gave the Master (the Great Hero, Jesus Christ) control of my mental crisis. I worshiped Jesus through my way of living. My rhythmic management contributed to my health—not perfectly, but rhythmically. Wrestling with God taught me that “God leverages pain (sickness) to point to promise, to provision and to purpose.”
• Be HEROic—To be HEROic means that I pursue and reflect the Great Hero, Jesus Christ, in the way He pursued and reflected God, His Father, the Great Storyteller. In other words, like Jesus, I place my confident HOPE in God’s eternal promises for humanity. I EXPECT God will come through for me in His timing and ways. Hope and expectation give me immeasurable REST. And His rest inspires me to OBEY Him as I work to know and allow Him to know me (even though He already knows me). I use HERO as a daily prayer tool. I express my HOPE and EXPECTATION to accept His REST and proclaim my willingness to OBEY and seek to do His will, not my (sick) will. I can’t be Jesus, but I’m supposed to try—I long to be HEROic. 
• CHOP WOOD—Chopping wood refers to becoming a selfless, obedient servant—I call this type of person an S.O.S., And S.O.S.s tend to ping on the radar of people who do not follow Jesus. At the church our family attends and serves, we literally chop wood as a specific ministry to the poor who cannot heat their homes in Central Oregon. But “chopping wood” also has to do with obeying Jesus’ teachings in the Sermon on the Mount (Mathew 5), doing “God stuff” by giving the fruit and gifts of the Spirit to God and others, being heroic like Jesus is heroic (Galatians 5 and 1 Corinthians 12), being Christlike (Ephesians 4). This means that I long for the heroic image of God to be restored in my life, my story (John 7:35-38)—It is possible. I’ve lived it. I regularly think of being a selfless, obedient servant, S.O.S. in my daily living—from picking up trash on the street to thanking a person with a smile or quietly ignoring an offensive comment. I’m not perfect, but I am far less selfish (sick) than I used to be. I “chop wood.”
• LIFT ROCKS—Lifting rocks involves exploring the unending mysteries of life and eternity with each other. We can pick up stones and explore underneath to widen and expand (health) instead of reduce or neuter (sickness). Lifting rocks has to do with working to shape people’s imagination to create a longing for Jesus. As a music leader and storyteller, I live to “lift rocks” and blow people’s minds with Jesus’ power to transform people into heroes like Him. 
• MAKE BABIES—Making babies is both fun and necessary. Grin. But seriously, I facilitate two things related to lifestyle worship and “making babies:”“Discovery. Declaration.” To put it another way, I have discovered my Rescuer, and I must declare my rescue. The Gospel of Jesus Christ, the Great Hero, does not share itself. God made our stories necessary to tell His story—it is His plan, not ours. “So the woman left her water pot and went into the city, and *said to the people, “Come, see a Man who told me all the things that I have done; this is not the Christ, is He?” They left the city and were coming to Him.”—John 4:28-30 NASB2020. My job is to “make babies” and leave worship healthier for the next generation than my parents’ generation left worship for my generation (sickness). I can leave it healthier when I live in a way that inspires and invites others into Jesus’ grand heroic narrative by sharing my gritty story. I must help people discover and declare Jesus—The woman at the well did. I have learned that telling my story reminds me that I am desperate for Jesus to save the day every day. God changes the heart of people, but I must tell the stories. I tell my story to “make babies,” to replicate myself. I must—Because people will needlessly suffer if I do not (sickness). 

These practices do not encompass the entire Christian experience but serve as handles I regularly grab in my journey with Jesus, to tell a heroic story about Him. They are tools I use to give stability and provide a vantage point to reestablish clarity when Bipolar disorder unbalances me (sickness). These practices are how I prepare to lead worship music and serve others. Ultimately, these practices are how I work to live my worship and become a gritty means to Jesus’ heroic end.

As you learn to integrate your lifestyle of worship into your management of your health, how do you:

1. Wrestle God?
2. Be HEROic (hope, expect, rest, obey)?
3. Chop Wood?
4. Lift Rocks?
5. Make Babies?

I hope these gritty practices become helpful for you as you grapple for wholeness. Maybe they will inspire you to create your practices of your own. No matter what, I pray that your gritty lifestyle of worship will help you manage your health—NOT be mastered by sickness. 

Have a great month discovering and maybe even declaring your gritty story that tells a heroic story about Jesus. —Scott

Scott and Kariann Box live in Redmond, Oregon. Scott serves as Pastor of Development at Shiloh Ranch Church and has been a worship leader for over twenty-five years. Kariann works as a Realtor in Central Oregon and supports Scott’s…creative spirit. They have two children, a one-hundred-pound Labradoodle and a four-pound Shih Tzu without teeth. Scott is the author of HEROIC DISGRACE: Order out of chaos. Hope out of fear. ― A Worship Hero Story 

By Peggy Rice

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1

I really needed this verse recently! I had finally confronted an area of sin in my life, a stronghold, of which I felt incredible shame and guilt. I wanted to repent, to turn away, from this behavior, but didn’t think I had the strength. I felt like such a failure. Such a hypocrite! How could a woman who professed Christ as Lord and Savior behave this way? I was embarrassed, and didn’t want anyone to know (that’s the shame talking).

But God knows. And His Word promises that He doesn’t condemn those who belong to Jesus.

 Ah, but the guilt, the shame, the embarrassment! The lies of the enemy were loud in my ear. “You’re such a failure.” “What kind of Christian example are you setting?” “How can you call yourself a leader?” “You can’t do it.” “You’re weak.” “You have no discipline.” “You’ll never get any better.” “This is as good as it gets.” The whispers went on and on.

Mental health challenges are often this way. The enemy lies to us, and tells us that we are unworthy, helpless, useless, of no value to the Kingdom. That things will never get any better. That we are the only one going through this challenge – we are all alone. That life is dark, and we are lost in the gray fog, never to emerge.

When I went through ten years of depression – on and off episodes for all that time – these lies were always with me. They sounded like they were in my head. But my Christian therapist taught me to look at the depression as a separate entity – outside of myself. Like it was a blob sitting on my shoulder, whispering into my ear. So even though those thoughts seemed like they were coming from me, he taught me that those were lies that depression was telling me. I began to separate myself from my depression.

I think this was a key to taking “every thought captive to obey Christ” 2 Corinthians 10:5b

I began to replace these thoughts, as soon as I realized I was thinking them, with the truth of God’s Word.

“You are a new creation.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13

“And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Matthew 28: 20b

“I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5b

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1

Condemnation comes from the enemy. Conviction comes from the Holy Spirit. And the difference between these two is huge! One of the roles of the Holy Spirit is to convict us, to draw us closer to God so we can confess to Him. The condemnation that comes from the enemy causes us to run from God. “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” 2 Corinthians 7:10 and “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” Galatians 5:1a

We have freedom in Christ. Freedom from the condemnation of the enemy. Freedom from sin, as we walk by the power of the Holy Spirit. Freedom as we repent and confess and turn away from the lies that the enemy – or the mental health challenge – wants us to believe.

We are being shaped into the image of Jesus. And this process is not easy. But we have a Hope – a certain Hope – that Christ died for our sins and for our mental health challenges, and we are promised new life in Christ. He walks with us, even as He shapes us, forms us, convicts us, draws us. And He loves us. “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” Jeremiah 31:3b Maybe you’re going through a time of listening to the lies of the enemy or those of your mental health challenge. Maybe you’re feeling stuck, like you can’t move forward because you’re starting to believe these lies. There is help! Fresh Hope offers Hope Coaching, an opportunity for you to speak to a Hope Coach – a peer – who has been where you are. This Hope Coach wants to listen to your story, to hear where you are stuck, and speak hope into your situation. To get connected to a Hope Coach, follow this link: www.freshhope.us/hope-coach-connector

Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for 5 years and as the Hope Coach trainer for 3. You can reach her at peggy@freshhope.us

By K. T. Griffiths

Mother’s Day is approaching and today I had the privilege of visiting my 92 year old mother, who is living in a nursing home. Mom has lived a vibrant life, hosting many of the family parties. She would share encouraging words believing in her children. Her input would give us a sense of independence with a value of self-worth.  Her love was threaded through all of our lives, shared with 3 other siblings.

I hope this Mother’s Day you will remember your mother. But, most importantly share your love and encouragement to your family so one day they will look back on their life and remember the good of who you are.

For Moms who have children with a mental diagnosis, love is a hard line of accepting and forgiving with unconditional love. We are always giving of ourselves and God sees it all. Let us learn to love through His eyes.

May His love shine through you this Mother’s Day,

K.T. Griffiths

K.T. Griffiths offers her first book, a memoir, to all those who face the realities of life and parenting. When one of K,T.’s children was diagnosed with a mental illness, her role as mother was so tried and tested that writing Shhh…Mental Illness, The Silent Disease and sharing her story became a necessity. Known for her wisdom, honesty, and authentic empathy for the plight of others equipped her to explore and share the chaos of the mind amidst life’s relational struggles and help others emerge stronger than before.

By Mark Soppitt

I finished part 1 of Be Kind to Yourself looking at the kindness of God and how He sees us as His children, who are forgiven and set free from the bondage of condemnation and guilt. And yet being a loved child of God goes so much further than that too, as God pours His love into our hearts through the Holy Spirit (Rom.5:5). His Presence in us enables us to flourish in an atmosphere of love, and live life differently. 

It is as though we are seeds God plants in a mineral rich soil, full of Himself, and then He carefully nurtures our growth through our connection with Him and other believers in the church. Over time we increasingly become more like the loving Father who brought us to birth, because we are able to constantly draw on His resources for life. So, what does being planted in mineral rich soil look like and how can we access more of His grace? 

One way we do this is by learning about who God says we are. God is full of kind words about us if we will take time to stop and listen.  As we listen and take these in, it powerfully transforms our way of thinking. I remember the weight of rejection that lifted off my life when I read in the Bible that it was God who “created my inmost being and knit me together in my mother’s womb” (Ps.139:13). No matter the circumstances of our arrival on this earth or maybe the powerful influences that leave us feeling rejected, God is the author of life and He made each one of us. Not one of us was a ‘mistake’ or a ‘chance’ happening. He was involved from the start, just as He will continue to be until the end. That one truth brought me much freedom and joy, and healing to my soul. And there are so many more.

Psalm 139:17-18 says, “How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.”

An alternative translation of Psalm 139:17 says “How amazing are your thoughts concerning me.” God has an unceasing amount of wonderful and positive thoughts about each one of us and He wants us to know every one of them.

The writer of Psalm 139, King David, experienced many times when life did not go as planned. At times he was chased down, let down, he despaired of life, and he was forsaken. Other times he was the author of his own misfortune, making some of the most terrible mistakes including adultery and murder. The Psalms he pens are full of raw responses to the trials, tribulations, and challenges in his life, and yet also full of incredible insights into the goodness, compassion, and unfailing love of God. In fact, it is often in the difficult times that God reveals Himself most clearly to us. Taking time to drink in God’s thoughts each day can be a great antidote to all the negativity around us in the world.

Here are some truths God speaks over us:

1. I am loved, blessed, and adopted into God’s family (Eph.1:4; Rom.8:14-16)
2. I do not need to fear (Rom.8:15; Heb.13:6)
3. I am a wonderful work of God (Ps.139:14)
4. God takes delight in me and rejoices over me with singing (Zeph.3:17)
5. I have a future that is full of promise (Jer.29:11)
6. I am not alone (Heb.13:5)
7. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil.4:13)
8. He will complete the work He began in me (Phil.1:6)

These are just such a small collection of God’s thoughts concerning us. 

How do we replace our old ways of thinking with new positive thoughts and affirmations? How can we show ourselves kindness? Some of these, I mentioned in the first part of this blog. However, I want to remind us of them again.

1. When you feel disturbed inside, slow down and ask yourself, “What am I thinking about myself or my circumstances right now?” Often we don’t recognise what is driving our emotions because we don’t stop to listen. Unmasking our hidden negative self-talk comes when we show kindness by noticing.
2. Take a negative thought and speak out the opposite. In this way you are disrupting the negative highways in your brain and making new, more positive ones. If you feel condemned, speak the truth, “I am not condemned by God and I will not condemn myself.” If you feel like a loser, speak the truth, “I am not a loser. I have been wonderfully made by God and have a great future.” 
3. Don’t beat yourself up. None of us are perfect. We are all a work in progress. Add in the word “yet” to your sentence. So instead of saying, “I am never kind,” say, “I am not as kind as I want to be yet, but I am learning.” 
4. Release yourself from the unreasonable expectations of others and stop “shoulding” on yourself. “Should” is often clothed in shame and guilt. One time in a church I was pastoring a visitor stood up in a service and said we “should all be ashamed of ourselves” for not doing what she thought we “should” be doing. I was quick to kindly and firmly release everyone from the negative weight of those words, which can be so destructive. Recognizing when someone’s expectations are not yours to carry is a great antidote to unnecessary stress. 
5. Instead of using words like “should,” use words like, “I am going to…,” or “I am choosing to…,” or “I am not driven by guilt today.” By doing this you are deciding and taking responsibility for your actions with purpose and agency, rather than guilt or panic.
6. Interrupt the cycle of guilty thoughts in your head. I had a difficult interaction with someone recently and I rehearsed our conversation over and over in my head in a way that was draining away my hope. It took me a while to realise what I was doing, and when I did, I stopped and recognised that the conversation didn’t go so well and then decided I had to let it go. And I made a mental note that I would keep trying to navigate some of our differences with more wisdom and tact next time, whilst not being ruled by this person’s reactions. Sometimes the greatest energy we can release for the future is when we let go of the past. 
7. Journal your uncomfortable interactions with others as a positive way to process, unpack, and grow through them, rather than be overwhelmed by them. The process of writing them down can also be a good way of releasing them, as you imagine letting them go.
8. Ask for help if you feel overwhelmed. Not one of us has all the answers to all the problems we face. We were made to thrive in community. Whilst that is a whole different topic, the maxim, “a trouble shared is a trouble halved” has some truth to it. Many times my anxieties have eased or disappeared because I talked about an issue through with a friend, pastor, or counsellor. 

Is there one way you can start making a choice to be kind to yourself? Start with the easiest way you can do this and not the hardest, and especially not all of them at once. Growing is a process that lasts a lifetime and so we need to pace ourselves to do it one step at a time. Be encouraged by how God thinks about you today. You are the apple of His eye and He delights over you. Ask Him to keep filling you with His Spirit of love to help you in your transformational journey. The best is yet to come. 

Mark lives in Niagara Falls, Canada with his wife, Janet. They have 5 children and a dog and enjoy exercise, public speaking, and motivating others. They have walked through many years of navigating mental illness and its effects on their marriage, their children, and pretty much every aspect of their lives. Through Living Well Coaching, their desire is to connect people to Jesus’ unlimited resources, and help them build resilient, healthy, and fruitful lives that glorify God and reach their full potential. You can follow them on social media: INSTAGRAM @livingwellcoaching; FACEBOOK livingwellcoachingniagara or their website Livingwellcoaching.ca