Staying Sane When Times are Crazy Such as Now!

As I write, we are about 240 days into the COVID-19 corona virus global pandemic. Do you remember when we first initially heard about it and it sounded so far off, so far away? And then we faced the lockdowns.

To be honest, when that happened, I thought – in my simplistic way of looking at things – ‘Okay, we’ll stay at home and we’ll get through this, and it’ll be about six weeks long and then life will return to normal.’ And so I just plunked myself down and became a total couch potato, watching the news and every report for several weeks. And at that point, I said, ‘Okay, this doesn’t look like it’s very good, and it might go on forever. So, I’ve got to get my buttootie up and start working.’ So, I started working hard and working from home.

What have I learned about how to stay sane during crazy times like this? So many of us are simply trying to make it through a time where nothing is normal and we’re isolated in many ways. For those of us in the United States, we’ve just gone through a confusing whirlwind of an election, where people burned bridges with family and friends due to politics, fueled by the influences of social media.

Let’s look at ways to stay sane as we now approach what is being called the ‘Dark Winter’. At this writing, COVID numbers are critically rising across the United States. Hospitals are filling, and many can take no more patients. Most likely, more restrictions will be coming, especially with the holidays upon us. Traditional gatherings and celebrations will be smaller and far different than what we look forward to.

So how do we stay sane during times like this, where everything we thought was certain now becomes uncertain, and life becomes rocky and we don’t know what the future looks like? At times, we end up isolating ourselves due to difficulties, and isolation in and of itself can bring on even more issues. I have gone through basically storm after storm with my family: losing our home, losing my mother-in-law to suicide, my episodes with bipolar disorder and hospitalizations which all became public, as well as experiencing difficulties in ministry through the years. So how do we survive these times?

Here’s some of the things I found. One very important point I want to share right up front is that you’ve got to grab hold of how you are thinking. You must maintain your thoughts. You must pay attention to that. Especially during crazy times, you cannot let your thinking be on automatic pilot. And so, here’s three core values that have helped me and are underscored by a psychologist I found on the web. These are proven to be effective and they’ve been clinically researched.

First of all, you’ve got to get it clear in your mind that you can choose to believe in your ability to manage whatever is going to come and for however long it takes. So it really is okay to take it one day at a time. In other words, you have to believe in yourself and you have to choose to believe that. You have to choose to think that. You have to choose to see that – that you will in fact have what’s necessary for the day that you are in. But if you start looking at everything society will experience weeks, months, and a year from now, you won’t know what you have for that day.

I many times think of the passage from Psalm 23, ‘The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.’ To me, that means I’m going to have everything I need for every single day that I’m alive. But if I start looking at months and months ahead, I worry how the Lord’s going to provide for all those things. And so, I just need to rest in my faith and in the abilities that God has given me – that I in fact can and will have everything that is necessary for day to day. And I will be able to cope with all of this. I’ll be able to manage it no matter what. Now, that doesn’t mean I have to enjoy it. It doesn’t mean that I have to like it, but I certainly don’t have to see it as being something I hate and detest- and complain about. I’m only making myself more miserable by detesting it every inch of the way.

There comes a point where you just say, ‘It is what it is. I cannot change it, therefore I accept it. And I accept the fact and I believe that I will be able to manage, however I need to manage through all of this, but I will only take it one day at a time.’

Secondly, you and I can remind ourselves that uncertainty does not guarantee that bad things will happen. It just means ‘I don’t know yet. I don’t know what it’s going to be like.’ For instance, you may be dreading getting the COVID virus. And if you do, how bad is it going to be? And when are they going to get that vaccination? Honestly, I find myself thinking that way. After all, I’m overweight, I’m older (let’s just say over 60). And on top of that, I have asthma and mildly high blood pressure that I take medicine for.

And so I find myself having anxiety about, ‘Oh gosh, do I want to get together with this person or do this at the risk of getting sick?’ And my assumptions always lead right down a dark rabbit hole that says, ‘Oh, I’m going to get really sick if I get this and may even die.’ Well, that’s kind of catastrophizing, isn’t it. It could be that some people get it and some won’t. Anxiety and angst come from the uncertainty with the virus, the economy, and the election. We don’t know what the outcome is going to be yet.

The fact that I worry about COVID-19 does not increase the likelihood of having it or not having it. It just feels like it becomes more intense because we keep ruminating about it. And we live with a lot of unknowns in our lives. Choose to believe that, ‘Hey, today is good. Don’t have it today, not sick. I’m going to live. I’m going to take today and enjoy it and live and get things done that I need to get done.’ In fact, I initially said, ‘Oh, let’s hit the pause button here and wait until they get this figured out. And then I’ll press play again and go about living.’

Instead, it’s unknown. There are a lot of unknowns right now, but we actually live with all kinds of unknowns every day. It might help to remind yourself of some of those unknowns. Thirdly, you and I can recognize that we cope with uncertainty in other parts of our lives all the time. Try to envision exactly what your relationships are going to be like a year from now. How about work? What will two years, three years, four years, five years from now look like? There’s just a lot of stuff you and I don’t know. So we’ve had lots of practice in tolerating unknown things.

You and I can believe and recognize this is, in fact, true – that we’ve learned to tolerate the unknown all through our lives, and this is just another unknown. And in fact, I really see it happening within myself, and maybe within society in general, that we’re just learning to accept that this is a new thing we have to navigate. But it’s like a lot of other things in life – we don’t sit around worrying whether we’re going to get cancer or have a heart attack, or whether we’re going to do this or that.

To recap, the three ways of looking at things and thinking about them, are 1) we can choose to believe in our ability to manage whatever may come. 2) we can remind ourselves that uncertainty does not guarantee that bad things will happen. And 3) we can recognize that we can cope with the uncertainty in other parts of life. Certainly, we can deal with the uncertainty in these matters.

Part 2 will focus on things to remember when you’re going through tough times. And Part 3 will be about how to do some practical things to help cope.

I’d like to pray for you…

Father, the Apostle Paul said that we need to take captive our thinking and that we need to hold on to all of those things, and we need to control how we look at things and frame them. Paul says it, Your word teaches it, that we need to take captive our thinking. So Lord, help us during this time that just seems crazy and uncertain and all over the place, just to take this one day at a time. Knowing, Lord, that You have given us the ability along with You and using our faith to manage uncertain times. And Lord, help us to remember also that uncertainty doesn’t mean bad things are happening or will happen for sure.

Lord, sometimes I think I understand why we have and will live with a lot of uncertainty in our lives, because if things were always 100% certain, we wouldn’t trust in You as much. So in this uncertain time, in these times of craziness, Lord, we turn to You, we trust in You, and we know that You never ever change. So help our faith rise to the top of all the uncertainty and all the noise that’s going on in the world today. And to help our faith, fill us with hope in You. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

If you’re looking for mental health help during these trying times, consider participating in a Fresh Hope support group. You can go to our website to find where we have groups, both in person and online, in English and Spanish. We also have books and other resources. Check us out at FreshHope.us and share with your friends, too.

Fresh Hope is a faith-based non-profit that empowers people to live well in spite of their mental health challenge.

YOUR gift will provide a person with God’s Fresh HOPE for daily living. Click here to donate, today.

Church Myths About Mental Illness By: Rick Qualls

“It’s all your fault,” said Job’s friends. …”If you hadn’t done something wrong these troubles would not have come upon your house.”

But God reveals that Job’s problems were not punishment for sin. Sometimes troubles come into our life because we live in a fallen world where troubles naturally exist.

Even though we know that a disease is not caused by a specific sin, our mind jumps to the ancient conclusion: If you have a problem, it is your fault because you lack enough faith. Repent and all will go well.

But repenting does not cure diabetes. There is no shame in taking meds for diabetes. Nor is shame found in taking meds for high blood pressure. But when troubles come and we don’t understand we blame the victim.

And so like Job’s friends we make the assumption the victim is at fault.

And like Job’s friends we particularly respond with blame or shame for someone diagnosed with a mental illness.

One of four families in our churches are dealing with a member with a mental health diagnosis.

There are many kinds of mental illness, like depression, anorexia, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or PTSD. There are several categorizes for these illnesses as well. Everyone’s experience is different. Each person’s illness has different symptoms.

What are some of misconceptions we make about mental illness?

God doesn’t care about how we feel. We are saved by faith. Believe and feelings will follow. If healthy feelings don’t follow then you lack faith. Something is wrong for you.

But the problem is God does care about our feelings. “The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those crushed in spirit” Ps 34:18

God cares about every aspect of our lives.

2. It is wrong to use meds to help our mind.

The problem is that many mental illness are a dysfunction of the brain. Chemistry and genetics can play a part. Scientist are still discovering the complex etiology of mental illness. Not taking medicine to help correct these imbalances is irresponsible to yourself, and to your family.

3. In an attempt to be helpful people will say many things. “I know what you mean, I got depressed for a few days.”

The problem is the “blues” are totally different than clinical depression. Usually those who make those remarks are trying to be empathetic and mean well. But end up hurting more than helping their friends.

4. “Oh just get over yourself. I wish I could lose weight.”

People who are comparing themselves to your disease reveal they have no idea how painful anorexia is.

5. “Those with metal illness are not trying hard enough.”

While we would never say to someone with cancer or heart disease, “just get over it. Jump out of that bed and get going.” This is the advice given to mental illness by other church members.

The problem is that we think mental illness occurs because an individual lacks self-will. Theologically we believe that we find life and meaning through God’s grace, through His action of love for us through Jesus Christ. We do not find life by the efforts of our own self will.

“Walking down the street, Jesus saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked, “Rabbi, who sinned: this man or his parents, causing him to be born blind?”

Jesus said, “You’re asking the wrong question. You’re looking for someone to blame. There is no such cause-effect here. Look instead for what God can do. We need to be energetically at work for the One who sent me here, working while the sun shines. When night falls, the workday is over. For as long as I am in the world, there is plenty of light. I am the world’s Light.” Matt 9:3-5 1-2

Bible teaching helps us during times of difficulties such as mental illness.

The Bible teaches that we are to comfort each other.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-7

We live in a broken world.

You know the story of how Adam landed us in the dilemma we’re in—first sin, then death, and no one exempt from either sin or death. That sin disturbed relations with God in everything and everyone, but the extent of the disturbance was not clear until God spelled it out in detail to Moses.Romans 5:12-14 (MSG)

We have a responsibility to help those with mental illness.

“Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.” Matt 5:14-16 Message

We must respond with compassion when one of four families are dealing with mental illness. Together we all need hope and grace.

Fresh Hope is a faith-based non-profit that empowers people to live well in spite of their mental health challenge.

YOUR gift will provide a person with God’s Fresh HOPE for daily living. Click here to donate, today.

Church Myths About Mental Illness By: Rick Qualls

“It’s all your fault,” said Job’s friends. …”If you hadn’t done something wrong these troubles would not have come upon your house.”

But God reveals that Job’s problems were not punishment for sin. Sometimes troubles come into our life because we live in a fallen world where troubles naturally exist.

And so like Job’s friends we make the assumption the victim is at fault.

And like Job’s friends we particularly respond with blame or shame for someone diagnosed with a mental illness.

One of four families in our churches are dealing with a member with a mental health diagnosis.

What are some of misconceptions we make about mental illness?

God doesn’t care about how we feel. We are saved by faith. Believe and feelings will follow. If healthy feelings don’t follow then you lack faith. Something is wrong for you.

But the problem is God does care about our feelings. “The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those crushed in spirit” Ps 34:18

God cares about every aspect of our lives.

2. It is wrong to use meds to help our mind.

3. In an attempt to be helpful people will say many things. “I know what you mean, I got depressed for a few days.”

4. “Oh just get over yourself. I wish I could lose weight.”

People who are comparing themselves to your disease reveal they have no idea how painful anorexia is.

5. “Those with metal illness are not trying hard enough.”

While we would never say to someone with cancer or heart disease, “just get over it. Jump out of that bed and get going.” This is the advice given to mental illness by other church members.

“Walking down the street, Jesus saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked, “Rabbi, who sinned: this man or his parents, causing him to be born blind?”

Bible teaching helps us during times of difficulties such as mental illness.

The Bible teaches that we are to comfort each other.

We live in a broken world.

We have a responsibility to help those with mental illness.

We must respond with compassion when one of four families are dealing with mental illness. Together we all need hope and grace.

Fresh Hope is a faith-based non-profit that empowers people to live well in spite of their mental health challenge.

YOUR gift will provide a person with God’s Fresh HOPE for daily living. Click here to donate, today.

The Long First Step: Asking for Help by Pastor Rick Qualls

By Pastor Rick Qualls

You knew something was wrong.

Maybe you were self aware. You recognized you weren’t enjoying anything any more. Your energy was at low ebb. You had become an angry person.

You blame your family. Their expectations of you are too high. They have drained your energy. All you are is a paycheck. They become the focus of your anger. You distance yourself physically and emotionally. There are fights and arguments.

Gradually it dawns on you they are not the problem. You are suffering. Is it depression? Burnout? Mid-life crisis?

On the other hand your friends and family may be the ones to point out that you are always angry. You don’t participate in activities any more. You stare off into space and when asked what you are thinking about you say, “Nothing” and it is the truth.

They point out that you have changed, and not for the better. In a moment of clarity you admit they are right.

They say, “Snap out of it.” They don’t know how hard you have been trying

But you are the one in charge. You take care of others. You are in control and so you tackle this problem head on.

You researched books on depression and burnout. You sought answers in podcasts. Though you do not have interest you throw yourself back into the things you once in enjoyed.

“If only you are thankful you will pull out of it.” So you made a list of your blessings. “Think good thoughts.” You tried but negative thoughts revolved around your head. You swatted them like flies but they never really go away.

“Throw yourself into your work and you will be better in no time.” So you spend more hours at work but your productivity fell off. You worry you might be fired.

Someone says, “Perhaps you are depressed.” You fight those words. Depression is for the weak. You are strong. Everyone counts on you. You have never let anyone down. You’ve got this.

You run. You meditate. You find a different job.

But you continue to suffer. Your marriage is strained. Work is more difficult than ever before. Friends are gone. You don’t know how long you can hold it together.

And then you take the first step. It has been long in coming. You ask for help.

Getting better on your own may work. But it is likely it won’t. You need help and it is the hardest thing you have ever done. Asking for help makes you feel like a failure. You feel useless. You feel helpless.

But in time you will learn these are the lies of depression. Depression is like a shroud that has covered your eyes keeping you from seeing things as they are.

You are never stronger than when you ask for help. Depression is an illness and we need compassionate helpers who can help us on a healing journey.

Where to begin? A good beginning is with your physician for a diagnosis. There are screening tests for depression and your doctor will know the symptoms for diagnosing depression.

If your physician is not comfortable treating you he can give you references to other physicians more knowledgeable about the subject. He may refer you to a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist is a physician that treats mental health issues.

Find a therapist or a counselor who is well trained in depression. A therapist can help you learn coping and managing skills.

But asking for help means you will be honest and real. Hiding information or memories because you are embarrassed will keep your helpers from doing their job. Their job? To help you get better.

It is a paradox that strength comes when we are ready to admit that we are unable to do save things alone. It does not make us weak it makes us smart.

In the beatitudes Jesus taught the very first spiritual principle: Blessed are those who are poor in spirit, those who are humble, those who acknowledge their need. “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the Kingdom of God. “

Take that first long step.

Fresh Hope is a faith-based non-profit that empowers people to live well in spite of their mental health challenge.

YOUR gift will provide a person with God’s Fresh HOPE for daily living. Click here to donate, today.

Ruminating Plus Hopelessness can be Deadly.

Ruminating plus hopelessness can be deadly

You often find yourself ruminating over and over. Usually, it’s over a problem or situation that you haven’t been able to resolve. You have been noticing over time that your thinking is getting worse, you are finding yourself feeling more hopeless about the situation, and maybe you have begun to notice that you have been thinking more about suicide than you would care to admit.

If this has happened to you, or this is where you currently find yourself, according to research, this is not uncommon. In a research article in the Suicide and Life-threatening behavior Journal, rumination has been found to lead to hopelessness which in turns leads to a downward spiral towards suicidal ideation. According to the article, recent research has focused on predictors of suicidal ideation and behavior such as negative cognition styles, dysfunctional attitudes, hopelessness and rumination.

According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention currently 44, 965 people die by suicide every year or 123 people per day. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. Since, suicidal ideation increases the likelihood of attempts, (according to the same article) it begs the argument for making ideation a critical point of detection and prevention.

Negative cognition styles, which the article refusers to as “depressogenic” thinking, refers to the way we negatively interpret negative events in our life. So, for example if my friend John didn’t say hello to me in the store and I began to think about what a jerk he was, without considering other possibilities, that would be negative inference.

Dysfunctional attitudes, to further the analog with John, could be the attributions I make about him in a negative light and then further take my encounter with John, and enlarge it to how many more people were being a “jerk” to me, and then top it off with globalization, inferring (albeit dysfunctional) that everyone is a “jerk”.

Hopelessness, or a hopeless or pessimistic outlook towards one’s future, can be another correlation to suicidal ideation, according to the article. The article adds other research that has shown a correlation to hopelessness and attempted and completed suicides. Hopelessness has been found to play a more central role as a predictor of suicidal ideation than depression.

Rumination, (or a ruminative response style) according to the article, is a tendency for individuals to reclusively mull over the causes, consequences and symptoms of their depression. The research has found this response style can lead to further hopelessness and increased suicidal ideation.

One of my greatest challenges in my recovery has been to stop ruminating.
Here are three tools that I’ve found helpful in overcoming my ruminating:

Choosing with my will to control my thinking.
Instead of allowing my mind to simply be on automatic pilot I have to choose to be in control of what I’m thinking about and how often I’m thinking about it. Even if what I’ve been ruminating about is a “worry” that is true; I at least have to choose to simply stop letting it play over and over in my mind.

As a Christian I was reminded that the Apostle Paul in the Bible says that we are to “take captive” our thinking. He also says that we should focus on what is right and true. In other words, control your thinking. And replace the negative with what is true and helpful.

When ruminating I learned that it’s important to actually tell myself, out- loud, to “stop”.
I read somewhere that if your brain here’s your voice it actually disrupts the brainwave pattern and interrupts the repetitive thinking. (It certainly works for me.) It’s similar to someone interrupting you when you are really focused on something and then it is difficult to get your focus back.
Hang out with people with positive outlooks on life as much as possible.
It is said that we become like the five people we hang around the most. So, as much as possible I nurture relationships with people who have a positive look on life.

You certainly don’t need to have bipolar disorder to have difficulties with ruminating. It is common to the human condition.

What do tools do you use to overcome your ruminating?

Fresh Hope is a faith-based non-profit that empowers people to live well in spite of their mental health challenge.

YOUR gift will provide a person with God’s Fresh HOPE for daily living. Click here to donate, today.

Smith, J. M., Alloy, L. B., & Abramson, L. Y. (2006). Cognitive vulnerability to depression, rumination, hopelessness, and suicidal ideation: Multiple pathways to self-injurious thinking. Suicide and Life-threatening behavior, 36(4), 443-454.\

https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/

Ibid

Smith, J. M., Alloy, L. B., & Abramson, L. Y. (2006). Cognitive vulnerability to depression, rumination, hopelessness, and suicidal ideation: Multiple pathways to self-injurious thinking. Suicide and Life-threatening behavior, 36(4), 443-454.