Pastor Brad Hoefs

Pastor | Author | Speaker | Hope Coach | Mental Health Advocate

Ruminating Plus Hopelessness can be Deadly.

Ruminating Plus Hopelessness can be Deadly.

Ruminating plus hopelessness can be deadly

You often find yourself ruminating over and over. Usually, it’s over a problem or situation that you haven’t been able to resolve. You have been noticing over time that your thinking is getting worse, you are finding yourself feeling more hopeless about the situation, and maybe you have begun to notice that you have been thinking more about suicide than you would care to admit.

If this has happened to you, or this is where you currently find yourself, according to research, this is not uncommon. In a research article in the Suicide and Life-threatening behavior Journal, rumination has been found to lead to hopelessness which in turns leads to a downward spiral towards suicidal ideation. According to the article, recent research has focused on predictors of suicidal ideation and behavior such as negative cognition styles, dysfunctional attitudes, hopelessness and rumination.

According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention currently 44, 965 people die by suicide every year or 123 people per day. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States.  Since, suicidal ideation increases the likelihood of attempts, (according to the same article) it begs the argument for making ideation a critical point of detection and prevention.

Negative cognition styles, which the article refusers to as “depressogenic” thinking, refers to the way we negatively interpret negative events in our life. So, for example if my friend John didn’t say hello to me in the store and I began to think about what a jerk he was, without considering other possibilities, that would be negative inference.

Dysfunctional attitudes, to further the analog with John, could be the attributions I make about him in a negative light and then further take my encounter with John, and enlarge it to how many more people were being a “jerk” to me, and then top it off with globalization, inferring (albeit dysfunctional) that everyone is a “jerk”.

Hopelessness, or a hopeless or pessimistic outlook towards one’s future, can be another correlation to suicidal ideation, according to the article. The article adds other research that has shown a correlation to hopelessness and attempted and completed suicides. Hopelessness has been found to play a more central role as a predictor of suicidal ideation than depression.

Rumination, (or a ruminative response style) according to the article, is a tendency for individuals to reclusively mull over the causes, consequences and symptoms of their depression. The research has found this response style can lead to further hopelessness and increased suicidal ideation.

 

One of my greatest challenges in my recovery has been to stop ruminating.
Here are three tools that I’ve found helpful in overcoming my ruminating:

  1. Choosing with my will to control my thinking.
    Instead of allowing my mind to simply be on automatic pilot I have to choose to be in control of what I’m thinking about and how often I’m thinking about it. Even if what I’ve been ruminating about is a “worry” that is true; I at least have to choose to simply stop letting it play over and over in my mind.

As a Christian I was reminded that the Apostle Paul in the Bible says that we are to “take captive” our thinking. He also says that we should focus on what is right and true. In other words, control your thinking. And replace the negative with what is true and helpful.

  1. When ruminating I learned that it’s important to actually tell myself, out- loud, to “stop”.
    I read somewhere that if your brain here’s your voice it actually disrupts the brainwave pattern and interrupts the repetitive thinking. (It certainly works for me.) It’s similar to someone interrupting you when you are really focused on something and then it is difficult to get your focus back.
  2. Hang out with people with positive outlooks on life as much as possible.
    It is said that we become like the five people we hang around the most. So, as much as possible I nurture relationships with people who have a positive look on life.

You certainly don’t need to have bipolar disorder to have difficulties with ruminating. It is common to the human condition.

What do tools do you use to overcome your ruminating?

 

Fresh Hope is a faith-based non-profit that empowers people to live well in spite of their mental health challenge.

YOUR gift will provide a person with God’s Fresh HOPE for daily living. Click here to donate, today.

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Smith, J. M., Alloy, L. B., & Abramson, L. Y. (2006). Cognitive vulnerability to depression, rumination, hopelessness, and suicidal ideation: Multiple pathways to self-injurious thinking. Suicide and Life-threatening behavior36(4), 443-454.\
https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/
Ibid
Smith, J. M., Alloy, L. B., & Abramson, L. Y. (2006). Cognitive vulnerability to depression, rumination, hopelessness, and suicidal ideation: Multiple pathways to self-injurious thinking. Suicide and Life-threatening behavior36(4), 443-454.

Shame-Based Families Versus Grace-Based Families

Shame-Based Families Versus Grace-Based Families

When raised in a shame-based family one can easily find life to be fraught with emotional landmines.  Relationships can be difficult because of shame-based thinking.  Shame can lock you into cognitive distortions that cause difficulties in marriage, parenting, work relationships and friendships.  Shame itself can make it way into your soul, warping how you see everything in life.  Grace, on the other hand, frees one to be in relationships with others and to enjoy those relationships even when there is conflict!

In this podcast, Pastor Brad compares the difference between a shame-based family and a grace-based family.

Simply put, this is a must listen to podcast for everyone!  Whether you have a mental health challenge or not, you will want to hear this podcast.  This program will be of benefit to you.

We encourage you to share this podcast with your friends via your social media connections. To listen to the podcast, click here or click on the icon below:

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After listening to this podcast, we encourage you to email us at info@FreshHope.us with a comment or question that we will share on our next podcast.

If you are listening to this podcast on iTunes, we encourage you to leave a comment regarding the podcast. Or you can leave a voice message for us on the site:  www.FreshHope4MentalHealth.com

Pastor Brad Hoefs, the host of Fresh Hope for Mental Health, is the founder of Fresh Hope Ministries, a network of Christian mental health support groups for those who have a diagnosis and their loved ones. In other words, Fresh Hope is a Christian mental health support group.

Brad was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 1995. He is a weekly blogger for www.bphope.com (Bipolar Magazine). He is also a certified peer specialist and has been doing pastoral counseling since 1985. Brad is also the author of Fresh Hope: Living Well in Spite of a Mental Health Diagnosis, which is available on Amazon or at http://www.FreshHopeBook.com

If you are interested in more information about Fresh Hope, go to http://www.FreshHope.us or email info@FreshHope.us or call 402.932.3089.

To donate to Fresh Hope go to http://freshhope.us/donate/

For a complete list of where Fresh Hope groups are presently meeting, go to www.FreshHope.us and click on “find a group.”  Or you may attain an online group of meetings of Fresh Hope by going to www.FreshHopeMeeting.com

If you are interested in starting a Fresh Hope group within your faith community, contact Julie at Julie@FreshHope.us 

Fresh Hope for Mental Health is a production of Fresh Hope Ministries. 

Fresh Hope Ministries is a non-profit ministry.  

The copyrights of this program belong to Fresh Hope Ministries and may not be duplicated without written permission. 

All of the podcasts of Fresh Hope Today, as well as numerous other videos, are all available on our YouTube channel: Fresh Hope Network

 Fresh Hope for Mental Health is on Facebook at  www.Facebook.com/FreshHopeforMentalHealth

 

When Living Well is in Jeopardy

When Living Well is in Jeopardy

In the last 14 years, I have had no major mood swings, episodes nor interruptions to my life due to having bipolar disorder. Yes, I do have bipolar disorder. Four of us in my family have bipolar, and my mother-in-law died from suicide due to bipolar. And I understand that you might assume that I don’t have too severe of a case of bipolar since I’ve not had any major bipolar episodes in my life for the past 14 years. But, I do have it. I not only bipolar but when I relapsed 14 years I very sick.

I find it curious that I have to defend the fact that I have bipolar disorder. But, in the past when I’ve written about living well for this length of time I’ve received comments from various readers that I must NOT have bipolar. One reader accused me of pretending to have bipolar disorder so I could make money by blogging about it. I could only wish that was true! (By the way, those of us who blog for bphope.com are not paid to blog.)

The truth is, I’ve been able to live well in spite of bipolar disorder for the past 14 years, but NOT without a LOT of work and self-care. Daily I do everything within my power to keep myself stable and living well in spite of the bipolar disorder. And I happen to believe that many of you who have bipolar disorder can, in fact, live well (stable) too. That is, to live without bipolar causing major interruptions to your daily living. You can take back your life from the monster of bipolar.

And no, that does mean that you can be “healed” from bipolar that you can get “over it.” It simply means that through hard work you can learn how to keep the bipolar monster from ruling your life.

I know that there is a mindset out “there” that we are simply victims of bipolar disorder. I don’t see it that way. The only way I end up being a victim is if I do nothing regarding managing my disorder or if I simply use it as my excuse in life.

One of the most important things I do each and every day besides taking my medicine and getting enough sleep is what I call a “self-check-in” (mindfulness). For me, it is imperative to stay self-aware of how I’m emotionally doing at all times. So, routinely I ask myself “how am I doing today?” I check in with me. See, if I don’t stay “on top” of managing the disorder, it way too fast and too easily begins to control me instead!

So, I do this every day. If my ability to live well in spite of having bipolar disorder feels at jeopardy and I feel as though I’m not doing emotionally well (stable), I ask myself the following questions which help me answer why I’m not doing well.

  1. What exactly am I feeling?
    a. How is my clarity of thinking?
    b. How is my mood? Have I experienced
  2. Did I take my medicine?
  3. Have I been getting enough sleep?
  4. Am I too stressed due to work or schedule?
  5. Did something or someone upset in the recent past that I have not worked through yet?
  6. Is this a life situational issue (something normal that happens to most- i.e. feeling frustrated, angry or anxious about a typical life situation or is it a bipolar issue (i.e. in spite of everything going well in life, feeling depressed and not able to function, etc.) Or is this a life situational issue that must be worked through or I will end up experiencing issues with my bipolar disorder because I’ve not worked through the situation?
  7. Is this something that I need to contact my doctor about?

Once I figure out what exactly is the issue I then attempt to figure out what exactly I need to do to hold off a major mood issue or episode. And I do it no matter what.

How about you? What do you do to live well? What do you do to avoid major episodes; questions that you ask yourself?

 

Fresh Hope is a faith-based non-profit that empowers people to live well in spite of their mental health challenge.

YOUR gift will provide a person with God’s Fresh HOPE for daily living. Click here to donate, today.

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The Long First Step: Asking for Help by Pastor Rick Qualls

The Long First Step: Asking for Help by Pastor Rick Qualls

By Pastor Rick Qualls

You knew something was wrong.

Maybe you were self aware. You recognized you weren’t enjoying anything any more. Your energy was at low ebb. You had become an angry person.

You blame your family. Their expectations of you are too high. They have drained your energy. All you are is a paycheck. They become the focus of your anger. You distance yourself physically and emotionally. There are fights and arguments.

Gradually it dawns on you they are not the problem. You are suffering. Is it depression? Burnout? Mid-life crisis?

On the other hand your friends and family may be the ones to point out that you are always angry. You don’t participate in activities any more. You stare off into space and when asked what you are thinking about you say, “Nothing” and it is the truth.

They point out that you have changed, and not for the better. In a moment of clarity you admit they are right.

They say, “Snap out of it.” They don’t know how hard you have been trying

But you are the one in charge. You take care of others. You are in control and so you tackle this problem head on.brian-mann-16600.jpg

You researched books on depression and burnout. You sought answers in podcasts. Though you do not have interest you throw yourself back into the things you once in enjoyed.

“If only you are thankful you will pull out of it.” So you made a list of your blessings. “Think good thoughts.” You tried but negative thoughts revolved around your head. You swatted them like flies but they never really go away.

“Throw yourself into your work and you will be better in no time.” So you spend more hours at work but your productivity fell off. You worry you might be fired.

Someone says, “Perhaps you are depressed.” You fight those words. Depression is for the weak. You are strong. Everyone counts on you. You have never let anyone down. You’ve got this.

You run. You meditate. You find a different job.

But you continue to suffer. Your marriage is strained. Work is more difficult than ever before. Friends are gone. You don’t know how long you can hold it together.

And then you take the first step. It has been long in coming. You ask for help.

Getting better on your own may work. But it is likely it won’t. You need help and it is the hardest thing you have ever done. Asking for help makes you feel like a failure. You feel useless. You feel helpless.

But in time you will learn these are the lies of depression. Depression is like a shroud that has covered your eyes keeping you from seeing things as they are.

You are never stronger than when you ask for help. Depression is an illness and we need compassionate helpers who can help us on a healing journey.

Where to begin? A good beginning is with your physician for a diagnosis. There are screening tests for depression and your doctor will know the symptoms for diagnosing depression.

If your physician is not comfortable treating you he can give you references to other physicians more knowledgeable about the subject. He may refer you to a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist is a physician that treats mental health issues.

Find a therapist or a counselor who is well trained in depression.  A therapist can help you learn coping and managing skills.

But asking for help means you will be honest and real. Hiding information or memories because you are embarrassed will keep your helpers from doing their job. Their job? To help you get better.

It is a paradox that strength comes when we are ready to admit that we are unable to do save things alone. It does not make us weak it makes us smart.

In the beatitudes Jesus taught the very first spiritual principle:  Blessed are those who are poor in spirit, those who are humble, those who acknowledge their need. “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the Kingdom of God. “

Take that first long step.

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Fresh Hope is a faith-based non-profit that empowers people to live well in spite of their mental health challenge.

YOUR gift will provide a person with God’s Fresh HOPE for daily living. Click here to donate, today.

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15 Cognitive Distortions

15 Cognitive Distortions

This podcast for everyone and anyone!  Why?  Because everyone needs to be able to identify the 15 common cognitive distortions that they may be struggling with or others are struggling with in their lives.

The topic of cognitive distortions is for everyone.  Pastor Brad identifies 15 commonjoshua-k-jackson-261210 cogitative distortions. These distortions are widespread.  These distortions are not necessarily connected to mental illness or mental disorders, but certainly, these distortions can easily exasperate a mental illness or mental disorder.

Aaron Beck first purposed the theory behind cognitive distortions, and it was David Burns who was responsible for popularizing them with common names and examples of these distortions which is what Brad covers in this Part 1 of a two part edition of Fresh Hope for Mental Health: “Cogitative Distortions and How to Overcome Them.”

Here are the 15 cognitive distortions that Pastor Brad discusses in this podcast:

  1. Filtering
  2. Polarized thinking/black or white thinking
  3. Overgeneralization
  4. Jumping to conclusions
  5. Catastrophizing
  6. Personalization
  7. Control fallacies
  8. Fallacy of fairness
  9. Blaming
  10. Shoulds
  11. Emotional reasoning
  12. Fallacy of change
  13. Global labeling
  14. Always being right
  15. Heaven’s reward fallacy

After listening to this podcast, we encourage you to email us at info@FreshHope.us with a comment or question that we will share on our next podcast.

If you are listening to this podcast on iTunes, we encourage you to leave a comment regarding the podcast. Or you can leave a voice message for us on the site:  www.FreshHope4MentalHealth.com

Click on this icon to listen to the podcast:

small logo for Fresh Hope

Pastor Brad Hoefs, the host of Fresh Hope for Mental Health, is the founder of Fresh Hope Ministries, a network of Christian mental health support groups for those who have a diagnosis and their loved ones. In other words, Fresh Hope is a Christian mental health support group.

Brad was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 1995. He is a weekly blogger for www.bphope.com (Bipolar Magazine). He is also a certified peer specialist and has been doing pastoral counseling since 1985. Brad is also the author of Fresh Hope: Living Well in Spite of a Mental Health Diagnosis, which is available on Amazon or at http://www.FreshHopeBook.com

If you are interested in more information about Fresh Hope go to http://www.FreshHope.us or email info@FreshHope.us or call 402.932.3089.

To donate to Fresh Hope go to http://freshhope.us/donate/

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For a complete list of where Fresh Hope groups are presently meeting, go to www.FreshHope.us and click on “find a group.”  Or you may attain an online group of meetings of Fresh Hope by going to www.FreshHopeMeeting.com

If you are interested in starting a Fresh Hope group within your faith community, contact Julie at Julie@FreshHope.us 

Fresh Hope for Mental Health is a production of Fresh Hope Ministries. 

Fresh Hope Ministries is a non-profit ministry.  

The copyrights of this program belong to Fresh Hope Ministries and may not be duplicated without written permission. 

All of the podcasts of Fresh Hope Today, as well as numerous other videos, are all available on our YouTube channel: Fresh Hope Network

 Fresh Hope for Mental Health is on Facebook at  www.Facebook.com/FreshHopeforMentalHealth

Check out this episode!

How I Dealt With My Persistent Fears & Anxieties by Stan

How I Dealt With My Persistent Fears & Anxieties by Stan

By

I have struggled with fear, anxiety, and stress for over 20 years.

During this time, I have talked to various professionals in the counseling fields, read many books, and researched many ways on how to overcome my personal fears. Here are some suggestions I can provide for people who struggle with fear and anxiety on a regular basis.

The first thing I did was to talk to various counselors since they knew how to deal with fear and anxiety. Whenever I talked to these counselors, I would always bring a notebook and take notes so I would not forget the advice that was given to me. In addition, I read many books and articles on how to deal with fear and anxiety. Talking to the professionals was very helpful to some extent, however I had to take it upon myself to learn as much as I could so I could effectively deal with my personal fears.

 

By getting help I learned many techniques on how to deal with my fears.

One of my favorite techniques was learning how to manage my negative thoughts. Whenever I would get a negative and fearful thought, I would challenge that thought with positive statements and realistic thinking. I also made it a habit to focus on the facts of my current situation and not on my negative thoughts.

For example, when I went Penn State and I was always afraid that I wouldn’t pass my difficult classes. There were times my fearful thoughts got the best of me especially during finals. These fearful thoughts who race through my head and I would get very anxious. As a result, I began to manage my negative thoughts by reading positive statements from books and newspaper articles. I also gave myself a lot of pep talks before exam time so I would feel better. I also said a lot of prayers which helped me in those situations and I took it one day at a time. It was tough, however I was able to manage my negative thoughts and pass my exams and classes.

 

Learning how to deal with my fears.

As I learned how to deal with my fears, I made it a habit of surrounding myself with supportive people who understood what I was going through. During some of my anxious times, one of my good friends gave me a hard time and was not very supportive. I tried to explain my situation to him, but he would not listen. One day I got mad and told him to leave me alone if he was to continue getting on my case. He later apologized and was more understanding. I learned that hanging out with unsupportive friends or family members made my worrying worse and that it is best to deal with people who willing to support you with your anxieties and fears.

There were many times I felt like giving up because my fears and anxieties were so powerful and I didn’t know what to do. I worried about what would happen and that just made my fears that must stronger. In order to get out of this vicious cycle I realized that I had educate myself on the various techniques on how to deal with my fears. There was no other way and I also had to be very persistent in finding ways that helped my situation. I learned that giving up would only make matters worse in the long run. With a lot of practice I became very good at dealing with my fears. I realized that the answers to my problems were out there, however it was up to me to find those techniques that managed my fears and anxieties. If you struggle with fear and anxiety there is hope.

You can remain hopeful by depending on God to manage your fears and anxieties. Using the help of God can be very effective in managing your fears. God is stronger than your fears and anxieties. The most important thing is to pray and talk to God. Talk to God as if you were talking to a friend. Read the Bible and pray hard. Be persistent and be open in the avenues that God may provide to you in solving your problem. It is not always easy, however God is in control and he will help you if you ask Him.

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Fresh Hope is a faith-based non-profit that empowers people to live well in spite of their mental health challenge.

YOUR gift will provide a person with God’s Fresh HOPE for daily living. Click here to donate, today.

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How Do You Manage Anxiety When You Are Depressed?

How Do You Manage Anxiety When You Are Depressed?

by Rick Qualls

Before I was treated for bipolar depression I also developed an anxiety disorder. For example, I found it difficult to eat in public. When we had church functions my stomach would knot up and my hands would shake from apprehension. As a pastor, I was able to walk around doing informal greetings with members. Walking and having short visits allowed me to contain my anxiety. By the time the event was over I hadn’t eaten anything and was exhausted.

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It is not unusual to have an anxiety disorder along with depression. Some of the feelings overlap but they are different diseases with their own emotional and behavioral symptoms.

          Anxiety and Depression Together

Although I take medication for both depression and anxiety there are still days when anxiety spills over into daily life. How do you manage anxiety this anxiety?

Here are some tips from other patients with anxiety disorder:

Remember to take your medicine. Forgetting or neglecting your medicine may cause a relapse. Discuss with your doctor your symptoms, when you become anxious, behaviors, and your inner feelings. Together you will develop a regimen. But if you don’t take your meds they can’t help.

Practicing disciplines such as Tai Chi, yoga, or martial arts can induce feelings of relaxation. Each practice helps with deep breathing exercises and physical movement which bring about a relaxation response that makes a difference in calming anxiety.

Jogging, swimming, and other heavy exercise give a physical release that “burn up” anxious feelings. Before my anxiety/depression was being treated spending time on the gym treadmill made a huge difference for several hours.

Listening to music can give you release from anxiety. Different people find different kinds of music helpful from classical to rap. The key is using music that helps you relax and distance from your anxiety.

Research shows that the companionship of a dog or cat can help reduce anxiety and nervousness. Pets can be intuitive about the owner’s mood and will often seek to calm anxiety down. Stroking a pet produces calmness in most people, whether you suffer anxiety or not. Playing with your pet serves as a distraction from the racing thoughts that go with depression and anxiety.

          Pets

Writing and journaling is one way to break the cycle of ruminating thoughts by putting them on paper. It is an opportunity to externalize what is going on internally. Keeping a journal regularly can help in discovering patterns of anxious moments.

          Journals

Art and music take focus and can be an escape from anxious thought.

Many find repetitive actions that can be done without thought to be relaxing. Hobbies like crocheting or knitting do not take much thought for the practiced but provide a constant movement of fingers. Today kids use fidget spinners as a way of distracting themselves!

Others say that paying Sudoko and Word Searches serve as a distraction from anxious thought.

And of course, prayer is a powerful means of dealing with anxiety.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6

Learning different patterns of prayers such as repetitive use of the Lord’s prayer, learning to lament to God, praying with praise and thanksgiving, and learning to sit still before God all have their place in dealing with anxiety.

What ways do you use to help manage those anxious feelings that overflow into your days?

 

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Anxiety: Lindsay’s Story

Anxiety: Lindsay’s Story

by Lindsay Hausch 

I first shared about my struggle with anxiety on my blog.

Before I knew it my post had been shared to thousands of people. Not because my words were special or that my story was different. No, my story resonated with all the people suffering in silence thinking, you too?

A friend from Lutheran Hour Ministries reached out to me to see if I would be interested in doing an interview about how my faith has helped me through my struggle.

That meant leaving my two year old, to get on a plane and travel with my five month old. That meant meeting a roomful of people I didn’t know and sharing with them my most intimate struggles in front of a camera.

I took a deep breath and said yes. Not because I was unafraid, not even because I felt courageous, but because I knew that God went before me, that he was with me, and that if I showed up, He would be there too.

That morning as I was getting ready, I saw a big framed picture of a dandelion in the bathroom hotel. I’ve always said that dandelions were my favorite flower, because of their imperfect beauty. Dandelions break apart to plant new seeds. I pray that God would use my brokenness to plant hope in hurting hearts.

Standing outside the door of the interview room, I opened my devotion and read this verse,

“See, God has come to save me. I will trust in him and not be afraid. The LORD God is my strength and my song; he has given me victory.” Isaiah 12:2

Friends, can we stand in the doorway of uncertainty, feeling afraid and shaking, and still walk through knowing God will meet us there? I hope this video reminds you that you are not in this struggle alone- you have a community- but most of all, that God has come to save you. He came to save you as a helpless infant. He came to save you on a cross. He came out of the grave to save you. God comes to save you in the small moments when you pray, “God help me,” and He is there, so you are never alone.