While waiting to weigh in at a Weight Watchers meeting many years ago, the woman in front of me stepped on the scale and began to cry. The leader, who was the person weighing her in, asked her why she was crying. Between her sobbing and trying to catch her breath, she said that she didn’t have a good week. The leader, of course, asked her why. And she replied that she had eaten some peanut M&Ms. The leader then asked her a very important question: “Did you eat as many of them as you would have consumed before coming to our group?” And the woman between her tears and sobbing chuckled and said,”Ohhhh NO! I only ate a small bag of them. Before group, I would have a huge family size bag!” The leader simply looked at her and said, “Good! See, that’s progress!”
The memory of that lady weighing in has been forever etched in my mind. It was at that moment I learned a life lesson about recovery; recovery is not about perfection, rather it is about imperfect progress.
If you’re like me when you step back into old patterns or are triggered by a situation and react in old ways you can easily believe that you have failed at recovery. And when this happens
and old feelings come back like someone unleashed Hoover Dam: guilt, shame, anger, sadness, confusion, hurt and much more. And the overriding feeling is one of total failure. But, the truth is that it is not a total failure. It is imperfect progress if you recognize it and learn from it. See, it’s only failure if you don’t learn from it if you don’t recognize it. It’s only failure if you decide not to get back and remain “there.”
Again, this “journey of wellness” is not one of perfection. It is a journey of imperfect progress. To make this journey you and I must be willing to accept the fact that we are never going to be perfect. No one is perfect. Recovery, which I define as taking back one’s life in a new way, is built upon failures in which we learn from them, get back up and continue to move forward. Shaming ourselves and believing that a failure constitutes us as complete failures simply is a lie straight from the pits of hell! Everybody fails. Everyone falls short of the mark. What makes the difference between those who decide to give up and believe the lie that they are total failures versus those who succeed? It’s simple; understanding that moving forward is one of imperfect progress versus perfection.
Note: it is never too late to get back up and dust yourself off after failing, even after years of failures. No matter how long you might have been stuck believing the lie that you will never be able to change or move forward, it’s not too late to get back up, dust yourself off, learn from what has happened and begin to move forward. It is NEVER too late. When getting back up, it is important to take full responsibility for your issues. Make amends if necessary and decide to learn from it.
When failures involve others that we are in a relationship with it can be difficult to get out of the “stuck spot” of believing the lie of never being able to move forward when the other person doesn’t let it go. This type of situation is very challenging. When someone is “stuck” and not letting go of the past it can trigger you. It is at that point that you have to know that you’ve done what you can about the past (reconciling, taking responsibility, apologizing, asking for forgiveness, etc.), and you need to recognize that it is no longer your issue, it is theirs. I’m learning that when this happens within my relationships with others that I absolutely must have a loving response to their reminders of the past instead of getting triggered and repeating the same things over and over.
I want to encourage you. You are not a failure. Yes, sometimes you fail. So, does everyone else. But, failing does not make you a failure. Failing is a sign of moving forward and learning from it. Wellness does not require perfection at all. It is made up of imperfect progress that is simply handling one’s failures in a healthy and appropriate way.
How about you? Do you want to give up because you “slipped up”? Do you want to give up because this journey of wellness is hard work? Are you learning from your imperfect progress?
Check out Brad’s weekly podcast: Fresh Hope for Mental Health (www.FreshHope4MentalHealth.com)
Fresh Hope is a faith-based non-profit that empowers people to live well in spite of their mental health challenge.
YOUR gift will provide a person with God’s Fresh HOPE for daily living. Click here to donate, today.
I am very very sick not able function carry through normal activities daily hygiene any cleaning housw. My cognitive very declining abcessed teethsomewhere gives go and come facial swelling. Unable cope with way things are beyond my doing anything to feasible fornormal batg activities etc wherelive and work around disinfect for germs have clean place to lay bath linsns since moved in major depression long tine with no access to needed long time wise therapy support or medicine therapeutic barely able get ready get out house long tine. I have had dwsparare necesdity for support and professional therapeutic theeapy with any real helo for years. I loved and love and follow gave life to christvest i cpuld always. Only thing he would say yo me piunt blank in darkneds despite begging was thank god he would always be there even in deathand nowand will be but i desparately needed above and true pastoral councel also forlife plusdirection and normalcy again years ago and godhelped me go workevery daymy life and with all else to get put go. Abd succeed some and sent help as stranded with car trouble but never any direct answers or sollutions what could esrn sufficient living at. I eaited on and assisted otherspractical hanfs on for yeaars and then got unable get to work on time all time and still good job 19 more years but fedpite foing work diligently to lord was forced due to unjust actions and erite uos by newboss to quit work. God would not give me clear help directionansets necrdsary as he gaveothrrsst church and helped others in family distant and close despiye praying to and doing work as unto. Him as this was my prayer but feeling i did notreally brlong there butno help. Fromgod or support sent or guifance re above . I prayedevery fay god wouldlove enable me giving love to others and him be glorified in itanf was always veeydependablefor many years and worked as above whether the boss was watching or anyone else or not . My mental hwalth decreasing better cognitive assets have been d eclining and now am too concerned and cant work arounf it at home regerms. Pleasw agreewithme in prayer to get jelp at home. I have not known where how to turn and ttustedbelieved in god and he has sent no help. Still. I ambarely normal functional now and need help. Where i. Live over phone orbright place to gethelp. Sought prayedlong time. Congessed all lnow of. Pleaae agrrewithme in prayer. I cannot dont want to. Really and will not end it muswlf but i have mich prayed wishedto if what istaught and in bible and this all for me and no.meaning purpose living like this no. Answer to better myself and where how live and productive peaceful normal life be bettet offmuch dead. Talkedto godaskedhim re it. I am worse evenow and god refuses to answer sincere desire pleasw him and heal. My mind. Srndfind wise accurate counsrl. I am afraid and ashamed but not ashamed. Je knows knew my heart and my congession and his promise of forgivenrssand mreting our needs. I cannot keep living like this but thankfull for twosiblings i have help at times and prayers and safe roof over head. Mymind willnot work rightany more dr sent ineffective again med over phone since vitus outbreak. Please pray with me and thank. God for reliefand skilled christ ledhelp