Freedom from the Thoughts of Shame

By: Rick Qualls

The other day I answered the phone and was greeted with, “This is a phone call like you have never heard before. My name is Jim and I can tell you how to make the cash roll in!”

I hung up.

Get rich schemes abound.

Manipulative people take advantage of you for their gain.

Are you being conned by the master manipulator, depression?

Depression twists your thinking, convincing you of lies that cause shame. Shame takes your life and feeds your depression.

Shame is a set of beliefs that you are defective, worthless, that you deserve misery. Some of these thoughts may ruminate in both our conscious and unconscious mind.

These thoughts may include: I’m stupid. I’m unattractive. I’m a failure. I’m a bad person.I’m selfish. I just don’t have what it takes. I hate myself.I don’t matter. I’m defective. I shouldn’t have been born. I’m unlovable.

These automatic thoughts steal from you and feed depression, worsening its hold on our lives. Depressive illness may bring on these thoughts. We can then be manipulated making depression worse.

How can we manage these thoughts of shame? The acrostic SHAME can be a pattern for breaking this downward shame cycle.

S—Support groups. You are not alone in dealing with these thoughts. Finding a group of safe people where you can hear others tell their story and where you can share yours. Talking helps identify manipulative thoughts, discover maladaptive behavior, and ways to disarm shame.

“ Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 NIV

H—Honest thinking. You have been manipulated by the lies of depression. Shame thoughts are lies that need to be exchanged for truth. Identifying these thoughts and replacing them can change your feelings and behaviors. Therapy for this is called Cognitive Behavior Therapy. It is highly effective at creating positive behavior.

“Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.” Romans 12:2 Message

A—Appreciate life, even in the smallest details. It is impossible to deeply grateful and feeling shamed simultaneously. Gratitude resets your mind, changing your focus to the positive from the negative. Intentionally keeping a gratitude journal is a tool that many have used.

“Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.”Col 3:16

M—Marvelously Made. You have been made in the image of God. Yes, the image is tarnished but you are still marked in your Creator’s image. He sees you as a Masterpiece of His handiwork. The Good News of Jesus is that God loves us. Period. Nothing you do can make God love you more. Nothing you do can make God love you less.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalms 139:13-14

E—Empathy. Depression bullies you with its lies. Learn to be compassionate to yourself. Imagine one of your children confided in you they were having shame creating thoughts. What would you say to give confidence and encouragement? Say these things to yourself. Step out of yourself for a moment and empathize with your inner child that is hurting. Having compassion for yourself changes your inner world.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Mph 4:32 NIV

You can use the SHAME model to defeat thoughts and feelings of shame that depression causes.

When you hear the lies of depression, hang up the phone.

Fresh Hope is a faith-based non-profit that empowers people to live well in spite of their mental health challenge.

YOUR gift will provide a person with God’s Fresh HOPE for daily living. Click here to donate, today.https://freshhope.us/donate/

God’s Love Letter to YOU!

On this Father’s Day, I offer to you this letter from God your Father.

This is His love letter to YOU!

My Child,

You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother’s womb. Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know me. John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalm 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4

And I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…Will you be my child? John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad.
Almighty God

Permission to copy and reprint providing that it is used in its entirety and the following copyright notice is displayed…
Father’s Love Letter used by permission Father Heart Communications ©1999 FathersLoveLetter.com

Fresh Hope is a faith-based non-profit that empowers people to live well in spite of their mental health challenge.

YOUR gift will provide a person with God’s Fresh HOPE for daily living. Click here to donate, today.

30 Things You Can Do When Someone You Love is Clinically Depressed

When you love someone that is experiencing deep depression it can be exhausting and frustrating. You want to encourage your loved one but don’t want to push them too much. Encouraging them to “push through” but knowing when not to do so is a delicate balance. You might even find yourself feeling the depression emotionally. No doubt caring for someone who is in the depths of depression can feel as though life is being sucked out of you. You can end up having no idea as to how to help or encourage your loved one.

Here’s somethings my wife did for me and/or encouraged me to do when I was in the depths of depression:

Encourage them to do something that they usually have enjoyed doing and do it with them.
Watch an uplifting movie with them.
Make them their favorite meal.
Sit quietly with them. Hold their hand.
Take a walk with them.
Take care of yourself!
Help them establish and stick to a schedule if possible.
Have some expectations of them.
Assure them of your unconditional love.
Assure them that this will pass sooner or later.
Give them a back rub.
Listen to soothing, spiritually uplifting music with them.
Ask them to help you make or do something.
Encourage them to talk and listen carefully.
Encourage them to see a doctor if they have not done so.
Assure them you don’t believe that they are weak or lack faith, but that you know their brain chemistry is experiencing imbalance.
Ask them to promise you that if they ever begin to feel like they begin to feel suicidal that they will tell you. If they tell you, consult with their doctor as soon as possible or contact the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. If the situation is an emergency, dial 911.
Ask them what might bring them comfort.
Talk about the future. Help them see there is a future.
Encourage them to exercise with you.
Turn on the lights, open the windows.
Find out as much as you can about depression. This is a great website: https://www.lighterblue.com/#lighter-blue
Change your light bulbs to full spectrum light bulbs.
Give your loved one a mood light. Northern Light Technologies has a wide variety of options. http://northernlighttechnologies.com/ (Before purchasing these you’ll want to check with the doctor.)
Get them vitamin D and B12.
Remind them of times when they have overcome adversity so they know it is possible for them to do so again.
Encourage them to get outside for a walk and some natural sunlight.
Turn off news programs and other negative media. Control negative inputs.
Where possible, encourage them to connect with friends.
Pray. Every time you find yourself worrying about your loved one, pray instead.

Please know, as a loved one it is SO important that you do take care of yourself too. Stay balanced and do somethings that you enjoy. Take care of yourself spiritually and emotionally. Also, know this, the Lord is with you too! He will see you through this valley. Stay in His word. Hold to His hope. And when you can, laugh a little! You are not alone. There is hope. And there is healing.

Fresh Hope is a faith-based non-profit that empowers people to live well in spite of their mental health challenge.

YOUR gift will provide a person with God’s Fresh HOPE for daily living. Click here to donate, today.

7 Keys to Successful Mental Health Recovery

When others find out that I have experienced no symptoms of mental illness for the past 14 years, they usually want to know what I have done and do in my journey to have 14 years of sustained recovery.

My standard answer to them is:

1. I take my medicine as directed. If I have needed a tweak or change here or there I have talked with my psychiatrist. And if something is not quite right, I do not hesitate to call his office immediately.
2. I have become extremely “self-aware.” I pay very close attention to what is going on with both my thinking and any perceivable changes with mood. This has resulted in changing some of my “stinkin’ thinkin’” and learning to pace myself, especially when I’m stressed.
3. I choose to believe I can live a rich and fulfilling life in spite of having a mental health diagnosis. Yes, it’s a choice. And yes, it’s possible to make that choice.
4. I have a circle of accountability in my life. I signed a waiver for the doctor to be able to speak to my spouse and three very trusted friends who have my best interests in mind. For the last 12 years I meet with them twice a month. They can all talk with my doctor if my behavior and thinking would seem to be “off”. To my knowledge, none of them have ever talked with my doctor.
5. I decided it was time to get up and choose to live again; pushing myself to do things I didn’t necessarily feel like doing (unlike my first seven years prior to the last 12 in which I simply was trying to cope with life).
6. I choose to believe by my faith that the Lord can work all things out together for my good (Romans 8:28).
7. I have a great support system of family and friends who have been instrumental in my recovery.

While there is never “one-size-fits-all” approach to recovery, these seven have been key for me.

What about for you? What has contributed to your success in recovery?

Fresh Hope is a faith-based non-profit that empowers people to live well in spite of their mental health challenge.

YOUR gift will provide a person with God’s Fresh HOPE for daily living. Click here to donate, today.

God’s Love Letter to You!