By Mark Soppitt

Do you remember the day you stood before witnesses and read aloud your wedding vows? They probably included words of commitment such as “…for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

These are weighty words, and yet they offer so much hope in life’s challenges, such as when mental illness enters a marriage. It’s at such times that the words we spoke, perhaps decades before, really matter. This was so for Janet and I, who married at 22. Whilst Janet poetically recited the famous covenant words of Ruth to me, “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay…” and added her own, of staying with me through “the mountains and valleys of our journey together”, I promised something much less creative!

15 years later, in 2005, we moved from the UK to Canada to pastor a hurting church, with our five young children, including a three-month-old. We were excited and ready to go! However, we soon learned that God’s call to a new land did not exempt us from hardship.

The initial years bore fruit, with the church growing in many ways. But we faced personal struggles with unexpected culture shock, followed by the sudden passing away of Janet’s Dad. Finding support from an organisation that supports ministry couples in crisis, not only helped us at the time but also prepared us for bigger challenges ahead.

In 2008, I experienced months of spiritual ecstasy where I would wake at 4 am every morning to pray, followed by a deep dive into the agonies of a dark, hopeless depression. We didn’t realise that this was the onset of a seven-year severe, medication resistant depression and a later diagnosis of bipolar II. Life’s vibrancy faded, and even simple tasks felt impossible.

My battle with mental illness reached a critical point with an intentional overdose of prescribed medications. Thankfully, Janet’s timely intervention saved my life, leading to a desperately needed three-month hospital stay. The ensuing years became a blur as I stood down from pastoral duties with recurrent hospital admissions and a search for effective treatment.

At home, Janet was having to face overwhelming trials. With an incapacitated partner, financial strains, and the challenges of raising our children, the question arose from on of our children, “Why don’t you just leave him?” The sad reality is that 80% of marriages facing such challenging circumstances do not survive, yet, through these dark times, God’s presence remained steadfast and He was faithful in providing the help we needed.

So, what helped our marriage to weather such a storm, and what would we advise now?

1. Invest in your relationship. Before my illness and throughout our marriage, we had intentionally sought regular times of meaningful connection. This created a rich source of strength we could draw on during the darkest times. This priority was a lifesaver for us.
2. Understand the seriousness of mental illness. Taking so long to understand I was depressed made my situation more severe. Now, that we know more, we can offer our help and experience to others to seek the support they need earlier.
3. Self-learning and advocacy are key. Janet learnt as much as she could about depression and bipolar and this helped her advocate for me when I had no voice and was overmedicated in the hospital. She also asked for, and received, a second opinion on my treatment and diagnosis which led to changes in my care.
4. Self-care is crucial. Pastoral couples can easily neglect this area of life but it became non-negotiable for Janet’s well-being, as she sought to balance the demands of supporting me, working full-time and being a mother of five. She took time early each morning to pray and exercise. She would often sit at the piano and play a hymn over and over until she actually believed the words she was singing. One day she was ‘shout-praying’ to God about having a puppy (which she learnt could bring comfort to the depressed) and not being able to afford one. The next day someone asked her whether she wanted the very breed of puppy she had been praying for at no cost as it had just been rescued.
5. Having a good support network. Janet also sought close friends she could talk to and draw encouragement from – this proved vital for both of us. Our whole family had counseling support at times during these years, and we were constantly amazed at how God went before us and provided us with Christians who worked in the public health system.
6. Develop the right perspective. One of the challenges Janet faced was acknowledging and understanding that some of my behavior was due to the fact I was ill and not because I was deliberately being rude or selfish. It wasn’t until I took an overdose that it really began to sink in and even then it was sometimes hard for her to keep that changed perspective that brought compassion rather than conflict and judgement. Talking to people who are knowledgeable about mental illness can be helpful as you navigate your relationship.
7. Believe that God can raise the dead. One day when Janet was at the end of herself, and had nothing left to give, she saw a counsellor friend, who encouraged her to be honest with me about where she was at, go and watch the newly released movie called The War Room (which was all about the power of prayer), and believe that God can still raise the dead! That was a transformational moment for Janet, for me, and for our marriage as we began to witness God slowly turn things around.

In 2015 we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary and Janet was determined to have a party. With the help of our close friends, she put it all together. I had a problem though: I felt this was the worst year of our marriage. I mentioned this to Janet and said I was struggling in our relationship. Her reply, “Welcome to my last 7 years”, stunned me! I honestly had no idea how tough it had been for her.

There are no easy answers to fulfilling your marriage vows in such challenging times, but digging into God’s grace, holding on to His Word, and finding the support and self-care you need make it truly possible.

by Peggy Rice, Hope Coach Trainer

“There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.“  Proverbs 18: 24b

Now combine that verse with what Jesus says in Matthew 28:20: “And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

That’s the ultimate friendship. A forever friendship with Jesus.

As a Hope Coach, I’ve spoken to many people who feel alone, without friends who understand. They feel like they’re the only one going through what they’re going through. All by themselves.

Maybe it’s a mental health challenge. Maybe it’s loving someone with a mental health challenge. Maybe it’s just a life situation that has them feeling stuck. No matter what, they feel very alone, with no one who “gets it.”

This can be a debilitating feeling. It can lead to feelings of hopelessness. It can lead to feelings of isolation. It can be paralyzing. It can breed ruminating – dwelling on the hopeless feelings and repeating “I’m all alone in this,” over and over in their heads. Soon, that’s all they can see – that they’re alone in their misery.

But those are lies of the enemy. They are not the truth of Scripture. The Bible tells us that we are never alone. “For he has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’” Hebrews 13:5b

Jesus has called us “friend” (see John 15:15). He has promised to always be with us, and we assured of His Presence by the Holy Spirit, dwelling inside of us. We have the power of the Risen Christ living in us! We have power to overcome our hopeless feelings.

The best way to thwart the lies of the enemy is with the truth of God’s Word. For every lie that Satan tells us, we need to find a verse in Scripture that reminds us of how God sees us: as His beloved children (John 1:12; I John 3:1); as redeemed (Ephesians 1:7); as forgiven (Colossians 2:13); as more than conquerors (Romans 8:37).

If you find yourself believing the lie that you are all alone, remind yourself of the above truths from God’s Word!

But we are not just friends with God. We are loved by God.

• “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16
• “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels no rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, not anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39
• “…And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power … to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-“ Ephesians 3:17b-19a
• “…His steadfast love endures forever.” Psalm 136:1-9

That’s the ultimate love. The love of God, who is Creator, Almighty, Comforter, Deliverer, Faithful, Holy, Magnificent, Eternal, … – the list of God’s attributes goes on and on. And we are LOVED by Him!

I want to encourage you, especially if you are feeling alone or unloved.

• Reach up – God is right there, waiting patiently for you so He can wrap you in His love and peace. Tell Him of your feelings – they do not change His love for you. Search His Word for the truths of what He says about you.
• Reach out – phone a trusted friend, or contact Fresh Hope and ask to speak to a Hope Coach, someone to share your situation with. We are trained to listen and ask questions, to help you find a way forward, from your feelings of hopelessness to hope. We’ll remind you that you have a friend in Jesus, and that God has great love for you.

Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for 5 years and as the Hope Coach Trainer for 3. You can reach her at peggy@freshhope.us

Pastor Brad

As winter sets in, it can be challenging to keep your spirits up, with shorter days, colder temperatures, and fewer outdoor activities opportunities. The dark and gloomy days can also cause feelings of isolation and loneliness, which can take a toll on our mental health. I’ve suffered from depression during the winter months more times than I’d like to admit. I’m also one of “those people” who often doesn’t do the simple things of taking care of myself physically and emotionally. Yet, I know better! Why, oh why, do I struggle to do the things that are good for me?

Because I struggle to do what is best for me, I must create a simple list of essential things to improve my mental well-being during winter. So, here’s my personal top tips for maintaining good mental hygiene for this winter:

1. Get Enough Natural Light – During the winter months, we spend most of our time indoors, which can result in a lack of natural light. Dim rooms can affect our circadian rhythm, mood, and productivity. Fortunately, there are several ways to get enough natural light, such as taking outdoor walks during the day, opening curtains, and sitting near windows. You can also invest in light therapy devices that emit a light similar to natural sunlight.

2. Stay Active – Exercising releases endorphins, boosting your mood and reducing stress levels. Even if you can’t engage in outdoor activities, you can still do indoor exercises such as yoga, aerobics, or strength training. You can also consider joining an online workout group to keep yourself motivated.

Staying active is such a struggle for me. I don’t like to exercise. Oh, how I wish I was one of those folks who are addicted to exercising! Recently, I’ve become physically much more active than usual. I’ve been helping a friend with their business, and it has required me to do a lot of moving things around, which has not been easy but has been so good for me.

Truth is, during the pandemic, I “sat down,” watched TV, and coped by eating all my favorite things (especially peanut M&Ms). And it’s been a challenge to get back up and move again. These last few months of being more physically active have helped me see what I “lost” during the pandemic by my inactivity.

3. Stay Connected – Don’t let the winter weather isolate you. Keep in touch with your loved ones, connect with friends online, and join social groups that share your interests. If you are a believer, staying connected with your faith community is important. Just the social interaction that takes place when you attend a worship service in person can make a BIG difference for your mental health. Talking to others and engaging in social activities can boost your mood and make you feel less alone.

4. Practice Relaxation Techniques – During winter, taking breaks and relaxing is essential. Engage in activities that promote relaxation, such as meditation, deep breathing, aromatherapy, and mindfulness. You can also indulge in warm baths, cozy blankets, and hot drinks to ease your mind and stay comfortable during cold days.

Spending time in prayer, meditating on God’s word, and sipping on a hot cup of coffee does a lot for my mental health and hygiene.

5. Eat Well – During the winter months, it’s easy to rely on comfort foods, but these foods can affect our physical and mental health. Eating a healthy and balanced diet that includes fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins can boost your mood, improve your energy levels, and protect your immune system.

Eating well is a massive challenge for me! (The truth is that my “default setting” with food is “Eat a LOT!” Instead of “Eat Well”.) Starchy Comfort foods and chocolate call my name out during the wintertime. I struggle to disconnect what I eat from my emotions. Fortunately, this year, I’m trimming down physically by eating less, eating well, and being much more active than usual. I need to dig my next size “down” pants from the closet. I’m also shocked by the difference just being more active can make in physical and emotional health.

As winter sets in, taking care of our mental health by practicing good mental hygiene is crucial. By getting enough natural light, staying active, staying connected, practicing relaxation techniques, and eating well, we can beat the winter blues and stay healthy throughout the season. The key is to intentionally care for yourself, finding the right balance between relaxation, socialization, and physical activity. By doing so, you’ll be able to enjoy the winter season and keep your spirits up.

Scott Box

The Foundation For Jesus’ Heroic Worship:

I always take my pills. I exercise, eat right and see my therapist. But understanding and practicing Jesus’ form of Christian worship—what I call heroic worship—has become the single greatest tool in my regular battle to maintain health and manage my Bipolar disorder. The H.E.R.O. tool has provided me with years of success, not perfection, but consistent success (Look below for the H.E.R.O. tool).

As I studied the Gospels, I recognized that Jesus’ definition and regular worship practice weren’t based on music like my understanding of worship—and I was a professional worship leader. Instead, Jesus’ model of worship involved service and being laid bare before God from the deepest part of Himself, His spirit. So, for someone like me, someone who was dealing with mental sickness, I felt like I was always “laid bare”…or hiding. Regardless, I was looking for tools to help me manage my Bipolar disorder and live a healthy life. So, Jesus’ understanding and practice of worship made sense for me to try:

“It’s who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That’s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.”—John 4:23-24 MSG

Jesus lived His life in desperation for God, His Father. The heroic spirit inside Jesus desperately desired to serve His Father (see scripture above). Every. Single. Moment. Jesus was dedicated to living, speaking and restoring God’s truth and relationship to humanity. Jesus wanted to bring salvation and new life to all men and women. Today, as I regularly reflect on Jesus’ form of worship, I am massively humbled but inspired to live heroic as He is heroic—to worship as He worships. Every day, I try to regularly integrate Jesus’ heroic worship into my way of life (Again, feel free to peek ahead at the H.E.R.O. tool).

The Foundation For the H.E.R.O. Tool:

Jesus viewed Himself as the Great Hero, the perfect human, and God’s Son, the Messiah. He lived with the perspective that He was solving the human problem of sin and separation from God the Father. These two things were the foundation of His heroism. But Jesus also had an utterly desperate dependence and expectation on God the Father and God the Spirit—This was His moment-by-moment practice of worship. These three qualities are part of what shape God’s eternal ideal for achieving worship. Jesus, the Great Hero, was my/our model and exact icon of worship. In other words, Jesus Christ modeled perfect worship—heroic worship—and Heroic worship is the foundation of the H.E.R.O. tool. 

As I was learning to manage my Bipolar disorder, Jesus and His heroic worship became a life-altering tool for me. Jesus’ heroic worship of His Father became the language I used to help distinguish Jesus’ form of worship from the confusing and often contradictory forms of worship that surround me in my life and even in the Church. Jesus’ heroic worship has helped me dedicate myself to living the lifestyle Jesus lived so I might tell a heroic story with my life, a story a bit like Jesus’. 

” I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. “—Galatians‬ ‭2‬:‭20‬ ‭NASB2020‬‬

What I am saying is that Jesus’ heroic worship has expanded the spectacular mystery of worship to include “living my worship” rather than just “singing my worship.” On top of that incredible revelation, heroic worship also created a handle for me to grab for emotional stability. It helped me gain clarity in my journey of faith in Jesus and the management of my mental health. It has helped every time I have pulled it out of my tool belt. 

Here’s a brief introduction to the H.E.R.O. tool I developed based on Jesus’ worship in the Gospels. 

To Start Shaping a Heroic Story—Use the H.E.R.O. Tool:

H—hope

E—expect

R—rest

O—obey

Hope, expectation, rest and obedience are four of the most significant qualities I observed in Jesus’ regular operation throughout the Gospels. He was always hopeful and expectant that God’s will would be done. He was almost always at rest in His spirit or stepping aside to rest, and He always obeyed His Father. Heroism defined Jesus’ story, His mission, and His life of worship. 

So, is H.E.R.O. way too convenient? Yes. Grin. And that’s the reason it’s so powerful. The H.E.R.O. tool is a portable and memorable device for calling upon Jesus when the “stuff hits the fan” and chaos abounds in my life. It’s the primary “hammer” I use to adjust my heart, mind, and soul to things that remind me of Jesus’ promise of my salvation. The H.E.R.O. tool, based on Jesus’ heroic model of worship, keeps my spirit grounded to the truth—to Him—instead of getting regularly upended by the idols I am tempted to bow down to or some other person’s strong opinions or preferences about “worship.” Ultimately, it was Jesus’ H.E.R.O. focus that kept his humanity from bowing down to the temptations of Satan from the very beginning of His ministry. I longed for Jesus’ kind of control in my life. I eventually realized I wanted Him to take control. 

Jesus’ heroic worship has given me guardrails to keep me focused on my relationship with Him and regularly leaning toward health. Furthermore, heroic worship protects me from selfishness, ignorance, or superstition—All these things have led me to false worship, fear, and hopelessness—But no more. Most of all, Jesus’ heroic worship keeps my attention on others rather than my selfishness. And for a selfish guy like me who also manages Bipolar disorder, well, uncovering a tool like H.E.R.O. feels a bit like a miracle every day. 

I welcome any other selfish or broken person to discover the H.E.R.O. tool, too—And aren’t we all selfish and broken? Regardless of your “issues,” let’s become heroic like Jesus is heroic. Take the next day, week or month, and run your thoughts and prayers through Jesus’ heroic lens: hope, expect, rest, obey. Also, never stop taking your medication. 

Let’s become healthy together, hero.

Scott and Kariann Box live in Redmond, Oregon. Scott serves as Pastor of Development at Shiloh Ranch Church and has been a worship leader for over twenty-five years. Kariann works as a Realtor in Central Oregon and supports Scott’s…creative spirit. They have two children, a one-hundred-pound Labradoodle and a four-pound Shih Tzu without teeth. Scott is the author of HEROIC DISGRACE: Order out of chaos. Hope out of fear. ― A Worship Hero Story 

Mike Jacquart

Reports indicate that loneliness is at an all-time high in the United States. That’s not hard to believe given the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic four years ago and the subsequent shuttering of thousands of offices and other businesses that continues to affect society to this day.

It was certainly a workplace shift that many were not prepared for. “COVID has forced tens of thousands of workers to find out if working from home is for them,” wrote Marina London in my book, Climbing out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness. “Some people are [sic] thrilled to give up their daily commutes and use Zoom. Others are desperately missing the social interactions provided by the workplace.”

But while COVID has waned, loneliness has not for thousands, so it is an important topic to bring to light during National Mental Wellness Month.

Actually, the pandemic only exasperated a trend that was occurring in society as technology made people more and more comfortable with doing everything from home – not only working, but also using Door Dash, Uber Eats, Amazon, and other convenient platforms to order everything from pizza to new furniture.

Even when people are out and about in public, continued fascination with the screens on their smart phones makes folks more focused on their mobile devices than the people around them. This is not to say that these societal changes are all bad. Certainly, they’re not, but the trend toward increased isolation concerns many – and it’s a direction that’s a particular worry for those at risk of, or already suffering from a mood disorder or other mental health challenge.

“Research has long noted the link between social isolation and mental well-being,” noted psychosocial rehabilitation therapist Kendra Cherry in an online article on the verywellmind website. “People who have solid social connections have a lower risk of depression than those who lack strong social and emotional support.”

What to do? As I’ve learned in my Fresh Hope support group, everything in life involves making a choice. We can decide to stay at home for hours, even days, at a crack, or we can make healthier choices. It’s no wonder that Therefore, I choose is part of every Fresh Hope tenet. The following are some personal suggestions:

*Get out of your house or apartment several times a day – especially when it is sunny. If you have a dog, even better yet as pets give you a built-in reason to walk and they are great companions as well. Exercise releases natural “feel good” hormones, including endorphins and serotonin. Even during my darkest days of depression some years ago, I found that “pushing through” to go for bike rides (I didn’t have a dog at the time) always left me feeling at least a little better.

*Make social contacts. Meet a friend or family member for breakfast or lunch on a regular basis. If this is not possible, go by yourself and make some idle chit-chat with another customer, waitress, etc. This is not easy for many of us, especially since social withdrawal is a common trait of depression. The simplest interactions will help you get out of your shell. “How are you today?” “I haven’t seen you in here before.” “I love your jacket. Where did you get it?” are some ideas for even short conversation starters.

Enlist other help. If venturing outside your home or apartment is difficult for ambulatory or other reasons, Cherry suggests reaching out to friends and family in other ways. “Just having the chance to talk regularly, whether it’s a text, phone call, or video chat, can help you feel more connected to other people,” she advises.

Consider joining a support group. Whether online or in person, Fresh Hope or another support system, you will have a chance to talk to other people who might be going through the same issues that you are. Support and encouragement are always good things!

Recognize the difference between loneliness and feeling alone. My sister, who has been single most of her life, likes pointing out that while she lives alone, she seldom feels lonely due to her in-person and online social connections with friends and family.

Finally, remember you’re never “really” alone. Lastly, but certainly not unimportantly, scripture reminds us that God will never leave us nor forsake us. When I lost my dog some years back, I dreaded the hours my wife was gone at her job. I prayed each day, “God, either help me through this, or take me home.” While it took time, I sensed His presence and reassurance that things would get better.

God has wired us to be social creatures. Whatever you are going through in your life, I have found that reaching out to others, even when you have to “push through” to do it, will help. And when you can’t, reach out to Him, as God enjoys spending time with us. Either, or both ways, it’s all good.

Mike Jacquart belongs to a Fresh Hope support group, has appeared on one of Pastor Brad’s podcasts and the author of “Climbing out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness.” For more information, contact Mike at madjac@tds.net.

Marina London LCSW has extensive experience as a clinician as well as an executive for several national EAP (employee assistance programs) and managed health care firms. She can be reached at marina@impactconsulting.health

For more on Kendra Cherry’s article and other related advice, check out https://www.verywellmind.com/the-impact-of-social-isolation-on-mental-health-7185458

By Peggy Rice

 It was a tough morning.

The computer project I was working on was not working the way it should, and I was feeling overwhelmed. I’m experiencing distance in a relationship that is normally very close to me. My kids have made choices that are opposed to the way we raised them. And to top it all off, my crochet blanket was not turning out as the You-Tube Video promised!

I was feeling like a failure. My stomach started to hurt.

And those words kept reverberating in my head. “You’re such a failure. You’re so inadequate. You’re not worthy. You’re less than capable. You can’t do it.  You’ve failed.”

They were really loud phrases. Really loud voices. They played over and over in my head as I tried to get the computer project to work, to count the stitches in the blanket. As I tried to read my daily devotional and pray to the God of the Universe. As I tried to focus on Advent and the coming of our Savior.

But the voices in my head were louder.

Until I said, “Stop!”

Until I forced my thoughts to think on the character of God, who He is. And who He says I am in Him.

God is Savior. God is patient. God is love. God is all-knowing. God is forgiving. God gives second chances. God never leaves me. God is faithful.

I am a child of God. I am more than a conqueror. I am complete. I am redeemed. I am chosen. I am loved.

I had let my thoughts get away from me.

Scripture tells us: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8)

I had been thinking the wrong things.

God tells us what to think about, to help us avoid those thoughts in our head that can run away with our emotions. And our emotions – our feelings – can’t always be trusted. Our feelings even sometimes lead our bodies along, like how my stomach began to hurt. That physical response was driven by my emotions, my feelings. And none of it was true!

That’s why it’s important to control our minds, to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). We need to manage what we’re thinking about, not just let our minds wander with self-condemnation or worry.

Several years ago, I began a practice of turning my worries into prayers. Instead of letting my mind get the best of me with negative and worrisome thoughts, just letting them roll around in my head, I directed them heavenward.  I took what I was thinking and put it into prayer. I shifted my focus to the God who knows my thoughts already. But He wants to hear from me. He wants me to bring those thoughts and worries and give them to Him, because He cares for me (1 Peter 5:7). It became a way to “pray without ceasing” (I Thessalonians 5:17).

I encourage you to give it a try. The next time you hear self-condemnation or worry in your thoughts, pray about it. Shift the focus to God. Think about who He is, what He says to think about, what He says about you as His chosen and dearly loved child. Give Him your thoughts and ask Him to replace them with His truth. He’ll meet you there.

Peggy has been involved with Fresh Hope as a Group Facilitator for 5 years and as the Hope Coach trainer for 3. You can reach her at peggy@freshhope.us

By: Stan Popovich

Do you know a friend or loved one who suffers from fear, anxiety, and depression and do not know what to do to help them?

It can be frustrating to watch someone you know struggle with their mental health and not be able to do anything to relieve their suffering.

With this in mind, here are six tips to help the person cope in these kinds of situations.

1. Learn as much as you can in managing anxiety and depression: There are many books and information that will educate you on how to successfully overcome fear and anxiety. Share this information with the individual who is struggling with their fears. The key is to get your friend to understand how important it is to seek some guidance when it comes to their mental health.

2. Be understanding and patient with the person struggling with their fears: Maintaining depression and anxiety can be difficult for the individual so do not add more problems than what is already there. Do not get into arguments with your friend who may be having a difficult time with their anxieties. Make an effort to listen to the person rather than making judgements.

3. Talk to the person instead of talking at them: It is important not to lecture the individual whose having a hard time with anxiety and depression. Talk to the person about their issues without being rude. Most people will listen if you approach them in a proper manner. Remember to treat others the way you would want to be treated if you were the one who was struggling.

4. Ask for some ideas: Seek advice from a professional who can assist the person you know with their mental health issues. A counselor can give you some ideas on how to overcome anxiety, fear, and depression. Getting help from a therapist is the number one priority in getting the individual to do something about their problems.

5. Find out why the person won’t get assistance: Address the issues on why he or she will not seek treatment. Many people who are struggling are fearful and frustrated. Try to find out the reasons why your friend won’t get the help they need and then try to find the ways that will overcome their resistance of seeking some guidance.

6. Remind the person on the consequences of not getting help: Another way to convince the individual who is struggling with fear and depression is to tell them what may happen if they don’t get some counseling. Anxiety and depression can make things worse and usually won’t go away by themselves.

Stan is the author of “A Layman’s Guide to Managing Fear” which will help you discover a variety of techniques that can drastically improve your mental health. For more information, please visit Stan’s website at http://www.managingfear.com

By Scott Box

When Bipolar disorder broke my understanding of Jesus:

I had been a Christian all my life. But as I entered my thirties and was reeling with a new Bipolar diagnosis, I needed Jesus for the first time. In other words, in those days, I needed a form of rescue that wasn’t immediately connected to saying the “sinners prayer” and believing in Jesus when I was a child. I also needed something much more lasting than an emotional or spiritual boost from leading congregations in songs every week (By trade, I have been a “worship” leader and pastor in Oregon and Washington churches for twenty-five years). Ironically, with Bipolar disorder, the hypomanic ups and downs of a worship experience at church were often detrimental to my emotional stability. It’s humbling; I thought I knew how all things “Jesus” were supposed to work as a young man—I guess that’s normal. But as I wrestled with my mental illness, my understanding of Jesus was turned upside down by a mind I couldn’t trust—I did not “know it all” after all. But in some strange way, despite all the chaos, my brokenness drove me to Jesus and away from hopelessness. I became friends with Jesus. Perhaps I am saying that I used to think I knew Jesus, but it wasn’t until I became desperate for Jesus that I found myself needing—but also longing—to be His friend for the first time. It was a powerful experience when my understanding of Jesus was altered suddenly and radically by hope-filled desperation. Bipolar disorder broke my understanding of Jesus. 

When Bipolar disorder broke my understanding of Christian worship:

My seventeen-year battle to manage Bipolar disorder and my radical dependence on Jesus forced me to look at Christian worship through a new paradigm. I could no longer experience or lead a type of worship that fostered consumption and entertainment. Jesus’ form of worship demanded that I continuously address all aspects of mind, body, and spirit. So, I allowed my relationship with Jesus to begin to change me. My prayers became day-long conversations with Jesus. I started to take my medication with complete dedication. I physically worked out for an hour each morning. I carefully controlled my diet. I even brushed my teeth three times a day. Wow. I tried to include Jesus in every part of my life. And without question, I refined the emotional, spiritual, and physical tools with many successes and ugly failures. 

But all these things speak directly to what I started back in 2006 after diagnosis: Bipolar disorder required me to compare and contrast the worship I was leading against the worship I was living. And I want to be clear: the changes in my life became necessary because the “worship” I was leading in church every Sunday was not able to address my mental disorder. That kind of worship couldn’t help. It wasn’t that my faith was too small, either. And it wasn’t that church music was insignificant; it’s not. But when I think back, I realize my worship didn’t resemble Jesus’ model and teaching of true worship (John 4). Hang with me. Yes, I had often thought—even believed—that worship included more than singing songs in church. But when Bipolar disorder finally made me desperate for Jesus, and when I began experimenting with how He lived worship as a lifestyle, my life moved toward health. 

What I experienced was that for Jesus’ rescue to take hold in my life, I turned to Him to change how I thought and lived daily. Every. Single. Day. The Great Hero, Jesus Christ, rescued me and began to restore His heroic form of worship into my life.

Along with restored worship came wholeness to my living each day. I also gained confidence in my necessary role in God the Father, the Great Storyteller’s Grand Heroic Narrative of Redemption. And then, eventually, my music leading at church took on new depth and proper meaning. 

People’s stories form their paradigm of Christian worship: their experiences, teachers, and personalities. The same thing might be said about who they think Jesus is. I don’t know what everyone thinks about “worshiping Jesus.” Nor do I know how everyone finds or becomes desperate for Jesus. But I do know that once hopeful desperation for Jesus invaded my mind, everything in my life began to shift to worshiping Jesus His way, not my way. Health, not healing, was soon to follow. Knowing the darkness I had escaped, I was very okay with this outcome. 

It’s humbling to put into words, but it’s the truth: When I faced the potential darkness of desperation early in my treatment, I didn’t dip into hopelessness but instead began exploring the type of worship Jesus had lived two thousand years ago. Jesus’ form of worship became the most significant revelation of my life (We’ll visit about this next month. I am hooked on Jesus’ form of worship—I call it heroic worship). 

Ultimately, I find it amazing that Jesus used my Bipolar pain to point to His promise, purpose and provision in my life. God used Bipolar disorder to break my understanding of Christian worship. And it’s all because the Great Hero, Jesus Christ, did what He did for me on the cross and by rising from the grave. Consider me broken—I am. Consider me whole—I am. What a marvelous heroic mystery. 

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Scott and Kariann Box live in Redmond, Oregon. Scott serves as Pastor of Development at Shiloh Ranch Church and has been a worship leader for over twenty-five years. Kariann works as a Realtor in Central Oregon and supports Scott’s…creative spirit. They have two children, a one-hundred-pound Labradoodle and a four-pound Shih Tzu without teeth. Scott is the author of HEROIC DISGRACE: Order out of chaos. Hope out of fear. ― A Worship Hero Story 

Mike Jacquart

Tracing your genealogy is interesting. In my own case, I learned I’m not part-Irish as I thought for many years but part-Scottish, and that my maternal great grandparents still lived in “the old country” – Bohemia, known today as the Czech Republic.

While our own personal ancestry certainly helps shape who we are and who we become as adults, who we are related to often serves as a person’s sole definition of “family.” In my humble opinion, nothing could be further from the truth. Let me explain.

Commercials, movies, and TV programs frequently portray family this time of year as a warm, fuzzy, Norman Rockwell-type picture of Christmas as a bonanza full of food, presents, freshly fallen snow, a crackling fireplace, and other pleasantries and fun. They may even paint a partially accurate picture of your own holiday experiences. If so, count your blessings!

But this is obviously not the case for many of us. Perhaps these scenes were true at one time, but children grow up, parents and other loved ones die, and other circumstances change that drastically alter our holiday season. As a result, it can be difficult to not throw a pity party when we hear about other people with family who are visiting and children to buy presents for when that is not the case for us.

With no children, one living aunt, and one parent still with us, Christmas is not as cheerful a time of year as it used to be. I try hard to not give in to sadness, bitterness, or resentment. While I’m not always successful, when I look around and see just what I DO all have to be grateful for, my negative feelings subside. This is especially true when, as a friend of mine reminded me, “family does not have to be blood, just as you are all my family.”

Indeed! I have been blessed with a loving wife, great little dog, and scores of wonderful friends, some of which I’ve known for many years, while others not nearly as long. But they’re ALL terrific people I am grateful to have in my life, and I feel a personal connection to all of them. They too, are “family”.

In other words, family is what we make of it. Take time to truly enjoy the special people in your life this Christmas season, and I think you’ll find that while who we are related to remains important, there is more to family than our bloodlines. A lot more.

Personal connections mean a lot. But most important is taking time to reflect on the “reason for the season,” the birth of our savior, Jesus Christ. If you do that, I think it likely you will have a “Merry Christmas” regardless of who is in your life, and who isn’t.

Mike Jacquart is the author of Climbing out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness. For more information, contact Mike at madjac@tds.net

Mike Jacquart

“Have a holly, jolly Christmas,” sings Burl Ives. Happy carolers belt out, “Joy to the World’ at the top of their lungs. “Ho, ho, ho,” greets a department store Santa. Everyone loves this time of year. Right? Nothing could be further from the truth, especially when you are suffering from depression or another mood disorder. When you are depressed, you’re existing but not really living. You’re often stoic, but seldom truly happy or joyful.

The holiday season can be especially difficult because the media conditions us to think that everyone should be joyful this time of year. When you have suffered from depression, you get pretty good at “faking it”. But no one should have to hide their feelings. Marina London LCSW, who edited and contributed clinical advice to my book, Climbing out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness offered the following suggestions.

“The first step in coping with the holidays whether you’re depressed and/or out of work or experienced the loss of a loved one is to plan ahead,” London wrote. “The importance of this cannot be overemphasized. Plan to do the following”:

Acknowledge your feelings. It’s OK to feel down. It’s OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can’t force yourself to be happy just because it’s the holiday season.

Reach out. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious, or other social events. Many have websites, online support groups, social media or virtual events. They can offer support and companionship.

Talk it out. If you’re feeling stress during the holidays, it also may help to talk to a friend or family member about your concerns. Try reaching out with a text, call, or video chat. If you are in counseling or group therapy, talk about your holiday concerns in advance with others.

Volunteer. Doing something to help others is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden social connections. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or drop off gifts to children who are hospitalized. (Definitely! I speak from experience having volunteered at a free community meal last year.)

Be realistic. The holidays don’t have to be perfect or just like before. As we change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose a few to hold onto and be open to creating new ones. Even though your holiday plans may look different, you can find ways to celebrate.

Learn to say no. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can’t participate in every project or activity. (Indeed: Social isolation is a trait of depressive disorder.)

Stick to a budget. Before you do your gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget. Don’t try to buy happiness with gifts.

Mike Jacquart belongs to a Fresh Hope support group and is the author of “Climbing out of Darkness: A Personal Journey into Mental Wellness.” For more information, contact Mike at madjac@tds.net.

Marina London LCSW has extensive experience as a clinician as well as an executive for several national EAP (employee assistance programs) and managed health care firms. She can be reached at marina@impactconsulting.health

Additional source: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress/art-20047544