Grieving is part of depression. With depression come loss. Depression may have changed your feelings so that even positive things are seen negatively.

You may not “be yourself”.  Your energy levels are lower, you socialize less, you may think less clearly, medicines often have unwanted side effects.

You may feel as though you are not the same person as before depression. These losses are real.

Foggy headed, I remember one incident while severely depressed, I became confused driving familiar roads. It was startling and frightening. Afterwards I grieved over being confused.

I was angry, shocked about this symptom of my depression. Embarrassed I wondered what was happening to me. I wondered if this would be a permanent.

I grieved over “not being me.”

What is the answer to the questions?  First, remember there are treatments that can lift the fog of depression.  There are many treatments with new ones being pioneered every day. Don’t give in to grief.

Two, this depression will pass.

Three, with the help of your doctors and therapists look at your depression management program and see if changes are needed.

One of the first questions we ask in the middle of these “losses” is:  Why?  Why me, God?

Is it totally random?  Is it because of personal circumstances?  Is it the result of dysfunctional cognitive functioning?  Is is genetic?  Chemical?

We may never know.  What I have found helpful is to begin asking, “How” instead of “Why”.  Since I am depressed how will I deal with it.  If I can’t control having the disease, how can I manage it?

When you are grieving don’t beat yourself up.  Grief requires emotional and physical rest.  Grief is a process different for everyone. Take care of your physical needs, eat well, exercise and spend time with positive people.

One of the things that helps process grief is to repeat your story. In the repetition the mind and heart process feelings.

Allow yourself to grieve.

With the best of your ability turn to God as your refuge.

Psalm 46:1-2  “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.”

By Rick Qualls

 

Do you ever ruminate? You know, get stuck thinking (usually something negative) over and over? One of my greatest challenges in my recovery has been to stop ruminating.

Here are three tools that I’ve found helpful in overcoming my ruminating:

1. Choosing with my will to control my thinking

Instead of allowing my mind to simply be on automatic pilot I have to choose to be in control of what I’m thinking about and how often I’m thinking about it. Even if what I’ve been ruminating about is a “worry” that is true; I at least have to choose to simply stop letting it play over and over in my mind.

As a Christian, I was reminded that the Apostle Paul in the Bible says that we are to “take captive” our thinking. He also says that we should focus on what is right and true. In other words, control your thinking. And replace the negative with what is true and helpful.

2. When ruminating, I learned that it’s important to actually tell myself, out loud, to “stop”

I read somewhere that if your brain hears your voice, it actually disrupts the brainwave pattern and interrupts the repetitive thinking. (It certainly works for me.) It’s similar to someone interrupting you when you are really focused on something and then it is difficult to get your focus back.

3. Hang out with people with positive outlooks on life as much as possible

It is said that we become like the five people we hang around the most. So, as much as possible, I nurture relationships with people who have a positive outlook on life.

4. Physical activity

Typically, I tend to ruminate when I’m lying in bed or sitting still in a chair. I have found that if I will make myself get up and move, go for a walk or some other physical activity, I enjoy, the act of moving my muscles interrupts the cycle of ruminating. It’s difficult to do a brisk physical activity and ruminate at the same time. While you’re exercising, put on some music or an audiobook. That will also distract you from your ruminating thoughts.

5. Get involved in a hobby

I will do something that I enjoy that requires my mental concentration. Whether it’s reading a good book, playing a musical instrument or baking a cake, activities that require you to concentrate on them will break the cycle of rumination.

You certainly don’t need to have a mental health diagnosis to have difficulties with ruminating. It is common to the human condition.

What do tools do you use to overcome your ruminating?

How did you wake up this morning? Feeling sad? Or empty? Or weak?

If you struggle with depression, you probably woke up feeling sad, or empty or weak. Or possibly all of those! Do you wake up in fear?

For over 5 years of my life, I lived in fear and despair. Woke up in fear. Went to bed dreading the dawn of day. How much sadness and fear can one live with? You would probably concur with me when I say…many! Many days passed where fear was my escort. Every day, I woke up with a knot in my stomach.

Could you imagine every minute of your life in the anticipation that something dreadful is about to happen. How could one live with constantly watching for the arrival of a dreadful event? This was another one of the reflexes of a depression.

Several times I thought to myself, “I cannot help feeling this way.” And, this feeling is and was real! I did not lock myself up in a thinking lab and conjure up a chemical prescription to adopt fear. I tried, time and time again to convince myself of the contrary…”I don’t have to be sad. I don’t have to be afraid.” Sadly, I failed, time and time again.

I saw no reprieve for today and no hope for tomorrow. That is a hard place to be. Depression can do that to you. Bring you to the point of utter hopelessness. I prayed every day for this feeling to pass. Sometimes, I was too afraid to hope. What if I didn’t get my answers tomorrow? What if the sadness continues and there is no end to this depressed state of mind?

I know these are a lot of questions. But, when we struggle with depression, we wake up to questions every day. Questions that question our healing, that question our hope. And most important, of all the questions we ask ourselves, ‘Why?’

Doctors sometimes can’t answer our ‘why.’ Family and friends can’t seem to answer our ‘why.’ We may ‘never’ find the answers to our ‘why.’ And every single minute we spend pursuing the answer to the ‘why’ is a minute unredeemable. One thing I’ve gathered over the lifespan of my depression battle is we don’t need, the answers to our ‘why.’ We don’t need to know ‘when’ – When, our answers will come. What we can do, is redeem our today.

But, when things seem hopeless? How can we? There may be many alternate ways toward this. But, the answers to all our “why’s” and “when’s” can be found in one place and that is the word of God. I know that I know, that the reason I exist today is the redeeming power of the Word. The numbing effects of a depressed mind, took it’s toll on my body making me too weak to even speak somedays. On those days, with weak trembling hands, I would write, write scripture down.  Here’s what Habbakuk says,

“Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty.”  Habakkuk 3:17 NLT

Does your life seem like it’s failing and empty? The prophet posed many questions to God too. The book is essentially a question-answer dialogue between Habbakuk and God. At the end of all his questioning, Habbakuk comes to one conclusion. He realized ‘where’ his answer could be found. Everything before him was empty and hopeless, but he says “yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!

Now if you are like me, this may seem like what I call a “cliche” verse to you. You’ll probably think that this verse has been done over and over. It has plateaued. Right? I was told many times to speak scripture over my struggle. And, that would upset me even more. I thought people made this suggestion only to sound more spiritual themselves.

Here’s something I’ve learned. It is not in the struggling to struggle with the Word that we find hope. It is in knowing that your struggle is safe in the hands of the one who is capable of dangling the entire universe at the tip of His finger, like a Christmas ornament. It is not in struggling against the feebleness of your power. It is in placing your struggle on the invincible power of your God.

He will make you as “sure footed as a deer.” Give you feet that will enable you to tread the heights. The heights of suffering. The heights of sadness. The heights of depression. As painful as it is, I encourage you. Climb that height.

Don’t let fear stupefy you or keep you paralyzed in your misery. God is your “personal bravery” and He will enable you to stand on the heights of depression. You will stand on top of it, not be overcome by it. You will plant your stake in the ground, on those heights, and wave your victory flag. Declare your deliverance atop those heights. So that others that are staring up the presumably unconquerable heights of depression, will know – someone made it up there. So can I!

I hope and pray that every one of your ‘Whys’, ‘Whens’, ‘Wheres’ and ‘Whats’ find their answers in the Word.

Julie Thomas