Twenty years ago when my life was altered forever by bipolar disorder, I stopped planning and went into a mode of just surviving. All that I could do at the time was to survive one moment by moment. It had taken a good length of time before I moved beyond just surviving. Interestingly enough it was at that time I stopped wearing a watch. Up to that point in my life, I had even worn my watch to bed in case I “needed” to know what time it was. I carried my day-timer everywhere all of the time. I looked at my calendar every morning and every night; making adjustments in it throughout the day. I made lists galore, read them and knew where they were. And setting goals was second nature to me. I could set them, achieve them and set new ones.
I was very driven and organized. No doubt I was a highly functioning hypo-manic “over-achieving-achiever.” That is until the hypo-mania gave way to mania and it caused my life to implode. Interestingly enough in the last few years, I have become increasingly more interested in being proactive about my life. I’ve become more goal oriented again. Not to the point of being hypo-manically driven. But, in a healthy way (so it seems) I have taken more a hold of living my life instead of life living me. This year I’ve even set a few personal goals.
In 2020 I hope to:
1. Celebrate even the smallest of things.
2. Wait to respond when I have become triggered by someone.
3. Stay on task more.
4. Focus more on what is right than what is wrong.
5. Focus more on what I can change than be frustrated with what I cannot change.
6. Show my appreciation for my family, especially my wife, more.
They are simple goals. Not too grandiose.
Recently I read that people change for the following reasons:
5% because we are open to it
5% because we are obedient
15% because of enlightenment
75% because of pain and brokenness
I don’t know about you, but I think I’ve spent way too much of life changing due to pain and brokenness. For me, it is time to change for other reasons like enlightenment or because I want to change.
How about you? Do you feel as though life “lives” you or do your live life? Do you have any goals? If so, why? If not, why? What are your goals?
By the way, I still don’t wear a watch. (Probably never well again since I have a phone in my pocket that I can always pull out if necessary.) And I seldom look at a calendar. I’m just taking one step at a time some 20 years later.
